Funny ad

At this time of year I really have fuck all to say - so here's a funny ad

I love peter kay

I was feeling really shitty last week and was off crook for a couple of days so I watched every episode of Phoenix Nights - seasons 1 and 2 back to back and then backed it up with Peter Kay's stand up from Bolton. I fucking love Peter Kay, I think he's brilliant - anyway, he made me laugh so I thought I'd share

Everyone's a little bit racist

Some friends of mine just got back from New York and while there they checked out Avenue Q the musical - it's basically a pisstake of Seasame St.










I cracked up listening to the soundtrack, so I thought I would share my favourite track - Everyone's a little bit racist.

Labia you dumb mole

I know I've blogged about this film before, but I watched again last night and shit it's funny.

In case you havent seen it, Hercules Returns is pretty much the best Australian film ever. It's about these people who try to reopen an old Melbourne cinema - The Picture Palace. But on opening night they are sabotaged by the local multiplex owners who swap the English version of Hercules for the Italian one. So they set about re-dubbing the film - and it's hilarious.

Palindromes

Ok so I've been really shithouse at this of late - lacking motivation and what not

But anyway, I thought I would share this - it's "Dammit I'm Mad" by Demetri Martin. If you don't know his show - Important Things With Demetri Martin on the Comedy Channel, check it out or have a squiz on the You Choob machines.

He has a thing for coming up with palindromes... so here is his 224 word palindrome poem in full.

Dammit I’m mad.
Evil is a deed as I live.
God, am I reviled? I rise, my bed on a sun, I melt.
To be not one man emanating is sad. I piss.
Alas, it is so late. Who stops to help?
Man, it is hot. I’m in it. I tell.
I am not a devil. I level “Mad Dog”.
Ah, say burning is, as a deified gulp,
In my halo of a mired rum tin.
I erase many men. Oh, to be man, a sin.
Is evil in a clam? In a trap?
No. It is open. On it I was stuck.
Rats peed on hope. Elsewhere dips a web.
Be still if I fill its ebb.
Ew, a spider… eh?
We sleep. Oh no!
Deep, stark cuts saw it in one position.
Part animal, can I live? Sin is a name.
Both, one… my names are in it.
Murder? I’m a fool.
A hymn I plug, deified as a sign in ruby ash,
A Goddam level I lived at.
On mail let it in. I’m it.
Oh, sit in ample hot spots. Oh wet!
A loss it is alas (sip). I’d assign it a name.
Name not one bottle minus an ode by me:
“Sir, I deliver. I’m a dog”
Evil is a deed as I live.
Dammit I’m mad.

Warm fuzzy time

Stupid people = stupid questions

At the moment I'm selling off my Nintendo Wii and all the games etc on Trade Me and in doing so I have discovered a whole new world of stupidity - the idiotic questions you get from people about the item you're selling.

Some examples:
On the auction it says - Seller allows pick-ups, Seller is located in Wellington City, Wellington.

So why would you ask "Where would pick up be please?" - why do you think I would be anymore specific at this point?

Or this one: "do u interest to sell ur wii fit and star war for 100$?" Uh no, if that was what I was interested in selling... that would be what I'm advertising.

"May i ask why you are selling please??" How about because I want to? I felt like answering, I'm selling because its hot and I need to shift it asap.

So anyway at work we were talking about the inane questions you get and one of my colleagues mentioned that his old man sells all sorts of junk and given his temper - he hates getting daft questions too... So what else were we to do...

The latest auction he is running is for beer bottle openers - which come in packs of three and are coloured Red, Black and Green (black ones pictured). But we had some (infuriatingly obvious) questions as follows -

Q. Do you have 5 packs of these available? Also how many bottles could you expect each one to open?
A. They are auctioned in lots of three.In regard to the number of opens I really have no idea. Cheers

Q. Do you have a full range of colours? Do you have Yellow? or Red?
A. No yellow. Red listed. Cheers

Q. How many colors r there? Will u sell just a red one?
A. We do not list this item in single units. Cheers

I like how he kept hiding his rage by adding 'cheers' to each one.

Childish prank for the week? Check!

Oh and if anyone wants a Wii - the auction closes monday night.

Don't judge me

So I've been a bit shit on the blogging front of late. I have actually had stuff to talk about but finding the time and dare I say it, inspiration, to blog has been hard.

But anyway I will attempt to start transmission again this week.

And to kick off - He's Barack Obama - the new vid from Jib Jab. Love the pirate ass kicking and cigarette smoking reference.

Ugandan coup at UN

Great timing by the Onion to take the piss out of the UN right now huh.

Ugandan ambassador carries out a coup on the UN - who knows what he will do with all those powers at his finger tips??

It is big time actually

My tickets to Steve Coogan's live show arrived today - YUS! I really hope they are selling his tie and blazer combo sets or his awesome black Castrol GTX that he wore to the funeral.

For anyone that doesn't remember Coogan - he was Alan Partridge the host of a military style quiz show on UK conquest, the host of Radio Norwich's 2am-6am slot and a failed BBC chat show host in the TV shows Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge and I'm Alan Partridge. Coogan's Alan shows are totally in my top 5 and were groundbreaking for their time - he was doing awkward fly on the wall comedy way before Gervais.

There were so many classic Alan lines and I still pull some of them out every now and then - Cashback! Jurrasic Park! Kiss my face! Smell my cheese you mother! Wings - they're only the band the Beatles could have been.

Anyway, here is some classic Alan - when he realises his new best friend, kitchen designer Dan and his wife are 'sex people' (dont worry its safe for work).

Are you fun my wife?

Classic Harry Enfield scene

What has Bill been reading??

It turns out that the 20 or so readers a day that I get on here might be of a higher calibre... or at least ranking than I had thought.

Earlier this week the Mayor's office tried to correct my outrageous disapproval of the location of the council's Indoor Sports Centre. (turns out that hell hath no fury like a... property developer scorned!?!). I'm totally getting blacklisted after that outburst huh?

But tonight NZPA have reported that Minister of 1950s Haircuts and Finance, Bull Unglush, has confirmed that the Government is looking at allowing struggling businesses to move to a four day week, with workers doing government funded training on the fifth... sound familiar??

So Kerry, Bill, uh Anand, Helen, Tana, Barack and Kevin, welcome. (btw my consultancy invoice is in the mail)

Curb your enthusiasm... in pill form?

Valentines Day

A Valentines Day Smoochie from the Happy Tree Friends... enjoy

Male librarians

I got forwarded this very funny link today - 30 guys who look like lesbian women

Below are some of my favourites - Jack Osbourne, Chief Joseph and Johnny Rotten

What about gay marriage?

An informational filim from 23/6

Smart Stitch - the new BlackBerry?

First willing Chinese astronauts

Devoid of inspiration so more video!

Silverman on Obama

See more Sarah Silverman videos at Funny or Die

Back of the net!

It may not be CNN - but all the same I think this is almost as good!

You will remember how we found a dumbass candidate who had set up an online poll and that we were ensuring accurately reflected the mood of the electorate?

Well it somehow got drawn to the attention of the local media and well... (click on it for a big version - its worth a read)

I just love how it quotes whole passages from the comments section like "I don't trust Nathan Guy" and how he acknowledges that his Facebook "hadn't had the big pick up that we thought." Brilliant.