Holiday fun!

I had loads of things to do these holidays - buy a new car, check, sweep stairs, check, buy some other unnecessary shit, check, have a suitably disastrous new years eve involving taking people to A&E following juvenile pranks, check. But one thing remains - its time for a physical challenge kids.

Learn the Beat It dance and break that shit out on the first day back in the office.

The new addition - a dirty E30

So I went and bought myself a motoring classic today - a BMW E30 coupe. The beauty of the E30 is its simplicity - ie the electrics cant shit themselves like they did in the Peugeot because there aren't really any. But the main reason I bought it is because they are wicked to drive and relatively low cost.

It's NZ new - still has the original Shelly BMW label. Rock and Roll. This here is an artists impression of what me driving it up my windy/hilly road could look like.

I love peter kay

I was feeling really shitty last week and was off crook for a couple of days so I watched every episode of Phoenix Nights - seasons 1 and 2 back to back and then backed it up with Peter Kay's stand up from Bolton. I fucking love Peter Kay, I think he's brilliant - anyway, he made me laugh so I thought I'd share

Labia you dumb mole

I know I've blogged about this film before, but I watched again last night and shit it's funny.

In case you havent seen it, Hercules Returns is pretty much the best Australian film ever. It's about these people who try to reopen an old Melbourne cinema - The Picture Palace. But on opening night they are sabotaged by the local multiplex owners who swap the English version of Hercules for the Italian one. So they set about re-dubbing the film - and it's hilarious.

The penguin

Ok so I admit, I have been to see This Is It twice. I wouldn't say I loved it - but I think it did offer some interesting insights and totally worth seeing if you are a fan.

He kind of reminded me of Kevin Smith's descriptions of his interactions with Prince - just detached from any kind of reality, but pretty fucking talented all the same. Like how Prince's PA said he had spent the last 10 years in Prince-world, I think Michael had spent the last thirty years on Planet Michael.

Some of it like the uber-naff Earth Song was a bit of a drag, but you couldn't help but get into it when he broke out Smooth Criminal, Billie Jean and my favourite - Beat It. Is it just me, or would it be totally badass to break out the Beat It dance in the office? Go to the 3:50 mark on this video clip if you embarrassingly don't know the dance I'm referring to.

Of course with a nutbar there were some funny bits - like when he talked about loving the trees and what not, but the best WTF moment had to be the penguin flap thing during the painful, Human Nature which has turned into a bit of a youtube phenomenon. (see below) I think the Captain Crunch jacket only adds to it.

Mama-se mama-sa ma-makusa, indeed

It is big time actually

My tickets to Steve Coogan's live show arrived today - YUS! I really hope they are selling his tie and blazer combo sets or his awesome black Castrol GTX that he wore to the funeral.

For anyone that doesn't remember Coogan - he was Alan Partridge the host of a military style quiz show on UK conquest, the host of Radio Norwich's 2am-6am slot and a failed BBC chat show host in the TV shows Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge and I'm Alan Partridge. Coogan's Alan shows are totally in my top 5 and were groundbreaking for their time - he was doing awkward fly on the wall comedy way before Gervais.

There were so many classic Alan lines and I still pull some of them out every now and then - Cashback! Jurrasic Park! Kiss my face! Smell my cheese you mother! Wings - they're only the band the Beatles could have been.

Anyway, here is some classic Alan - when he realises his new best friend, kitchen designer Dan and his wife are 'sex people' (dont worry its safe for work).

All kinds of awesome in one

Hat tip to Gizmodo/via Pat for this - there is a new Japanese show called, Engine Oh G12, that basically combines Voltron with Power Rangers - watch the video below. Guaranteed to blow your freakin socks off.



From the Gizmodo write up -
"What's so wonderful about Engine Oh G12 is that it's literally ballooned the genre beyond parody. The show has upped the ante of the giant vehicle-assembled robot television so immensely that it's beyond the scope of humorous exaggeration, its components refined to such a point where every individual element is, in itself, too pure to be tainted by sophomoric prop humor. To fully appreciate this the clip, look beyond the obvious and examine the subtleties of presentation. For instance, two vehicles are there only to serve as covers for the robot's shoes."

B-Grade

After watching the very uh... interesting and nuanced Death Race recently I was over the proverbial moon to see the original - Death Race 2000 and its prequel Death Sport at Aro Video yesterday. Unlike the new prison based film, 2000 stars Caine himself, David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone as they race across the US pickng up points for killing pedestrians along the way - the elderly are worth 100 points, toddlers 75 points, women 10 points etc. Trailer below



Death Sport also starred Carradine but was based in the year 3000 - a time where prisoners are forced into a fight to death with gladiator types who ride 'death machines'... otherwise known as motorbikes with cardboard bits spray painted silver tacked on the front and sides. It is the sequel to Death Race 2000, but bears no real similarities other than on the quality front - its average rating on IMDB is 2.7 out of 10. Adding to b-grade flavour it features an awesome/irritating synthesizer soundtrack and also starred then Playboy Bunny, Claudia Jennings who naturally treats the audience to a full frontal... or two... as you do. Classic stuff.

One of my colleagues also lent me the first two episodes of iconic 1980s Knightrider wannabe, Street Hawk. Its basically about a cop who goes around fighting crime on his wicked bike - which if you look it up on Wikipedia, you find out was just a Honda dirtbike with a few bits tacked on... I wonder if that makes it a death machine?? Hmmm on second thought I think you need some Carradine for that. Trailer below



So if you feel like a cheesy b grade movie weekend - accept no substitute!

Fanta Pants to perform in the Bay

Well New Plymouth might be many things but it has exposed its ginga-phobic attitude with Simply Red set to perform into the safe haven of Napier.

Mind you as God said to Tony Wilson - "You were right about Mick Hucknall, his music is rubbish and he's a ginge."

But anyway below is a video which shows the sort of refuge Simply Red may well be staying at in Napier.

Discovering the cutting edge

I had always bought into the idea that the 1970s was the golden age of cinema, followed by strong efforts in the 1980s and 90s that built on it. You had the greats - Jaws, Star Wars, The Exorcist, The Godfather I & II, Chinatown, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, All the President's Men, The Graduate, Apocalypse Now, Network, Annie Hall followed by the 80s greats Platoon, ET, Full Metal Jacket and so on.

But I've recently discovered a whole other time when cinema wasn't constrained by censorship and when the viewer was treated like an adult - a time that was probably the most liberal period. I'm of course talking about the 'pre-code' era of the 1920s and early 1930s.

So far I've only watched a couple but I'm loving them and if you can get hold of one in particular, Employees' Entrance, you should definitely check it out. Its the story of an amoral New York department store owner who takes delight in sacking his staff, driving some to suicide and shagging all the sales assistant, including one who uses his lust to work her way up the ladder.

The films of this era made bold references to everything and anything that was considered taboo - sexuality, prostitution, drugs, mixed race relationships, abortion, suicide, and so on and so forth. Naturally this raised the ire of the religious and morally conservative elements and the Hays Code or Motion Picture Production Code was introduced to rein productions in and indeed destroy copies of some works.

There is some mind-blowing stuff out there that would still shock today - if you're a movie buff I think its definitely worth taking look.

What I'm listening to at the moment

After loving The Phoenix Foundation's Happy Ending and the soundtrack they pulled together for Eagle vs Shark, I've been checking out Samuel Flynn (son of Tom) Scott's solo album Straight Answer Machine.

Its a good listen and I've chucked the first track, Llewellyn below. It has some really good tracks such as Stolen Egypt, the toe tapping - Leave Me Alone and All My Dreams. However it does lack the polish of the Phoenix Foundation andt at times it does seem a little underdone - even a little bit like a collection of b-sides.

If you haven't listened to Wellington's finest before, then I would suggest starting with an album like Happy Ending before jumping into Straight Answer Machine.



For a taster of the Phoenix Foundation you can watch the video of my happy song (directed by Taika Waititi) from Happy Ending - Bright Grey here or watch my favourite music video (obviously because of the cricket content and cameos by Dion 'hash-pipe' Nash and Lou Vincent - I love the Hadlee shrine too lol) Bleaching Sun below.

'That' Jim Hickey video

A classic moment from the TVNZ archives - The rain is a goneburger. But the showers and a bit of frost well they're ah...

Hell of a good song

Stunning Swedish folk version of an Aussie classic - cut to the 1:40 mark.

And I thought - what could I do?
And I knew there was no help from you, no help from you
Sound of the drums beating in my heart
Thunder of guns tore me apart
You have been.... Thunderstruck



Check out other great covers by Hellsongs from their album Hymns in the key of 666 - Jump, We're not Going to Take it, and their beautiful version of Black Sabbath's Paranoid

Vincent's sister

Not sure what made this come to mind - but it rules all the same.

There was a deleted scene from Pulp Fiction in which Mia Wallace asks Vincent what his last name is - he says Vega, and she replies - like the folk singer? and he says yeah she's my sister. But anyway here is Suzanne Vega with the classic Tom's Diner - just try to get this out of your head for the rest of the day!

Why I love the interweb

I saw this on the Spare Room and just about messed myself at its awesomeness so I thought I better share.

It's the closest thing to a supernova you will ever see - Star Wars and Flashdance colliding. I just love the fact that someone has gone to so much trouble to make their Bobba Fett figure do Flashdance. Badass - I salute you!

Mandalorian Dance @ Yahoo! Video

Knight Rider

It was with quite a bit apprehension that I watched the tele-movie/pilot for the new series of Knight Rider - and unsurprisingly it was well-founded apprehension.

This time KITT is a badass Shelby Mustang - which can change colour through the nanotechnology (as you do) and its driven by Michael Knight's son - Mike Traceur.

The story is about the scientist who developed KITT and these bad dudes from a corrupt security agency who produce weapons and are doing dodgy stuff in Iraq (no silly not the US Government!) who try to capture him and his secret work (called Prometheus) so they can make their own KITT.

We were talking about this today - and we all agreed that it would it be hilarious to 'leak' some official looking documents to someone like Kedgeley or Locke from the Greens talking about this outrageous top secret US defense project called Prometheus and make up some bullshit about it being connected to Echelon and the Waihopai Base, just to see if they ask questions about it in the house! Imagine the response - yes I am aware of Prometheus as well as the Knight 2000 Trans-Am and Knight 3000 Mustang and of course David Hasselhoff. However the Government is not contributing any money to these projects.

Anyway back to the movie - there are some wicked bits with KITT - like coming out of C130 like it used to out of a truck - but the script is ridiculous and the plot was even worse. My favourite line had to be: "These are the most complex algorhythms I've ever seen!" ROFL! But hey, you don't watch Knight Rider for the story do you?

The Hoff pops his head in at the end - but someone who's star has clearly fallen even further is Val Kilmer - he does KITT's voice - Iceman and Top Secret are distant memories huh? You know you've hit rock bottom when you're doing voice work for a fuckin car!

I wanted to believe

I checked out the X-Files: I want to believe tonight and thankfully it didn't have any of the god damn aliens that haunted the first film in 1998 - but it did feature the old school theme, which brought the memories flooding back.

But while it was great to see Mulder and Scully back on screen I felt it was just lacking something and frankly it felt more like an extended TV-film rather than a proper motion picture.

The story was ok - although I did have to laugh at its similarity to a particular episode of The League of Gentlemen. Basically the FBI call back Mulder, who is in hiding living conspicuously as Scully's lover while she works as a surgeon, after a psychic priest gets visions of where a missing FBI agent is.

Frankly you get a bit sick of the whole on again/off again nature of Mulder and Scully's relationship and Scully's willingness to go back - you just want them to suck it up and get on with it already.

It did make me wonder if the future of the X-Files could be a series of annual TV mini-series'?

Check it out if you're a fan from back in the day - but it basically is just a new extended episode.

Shake your money maker

Got some odd looks in the office yesterday. One of my colleagues told me he is learning to play the seminal Black Crowe's track - She Talks to Angels - on his new axe (apparently you tune it funny to get the sound on the strum). So what else were we do than crack into it there and then? Fair to say we didn't get far beyond the "She never mentions the word addiction..." opening.

But anyway this caused me to do what is quickly becoming an annual event - re-listening to Shake Your Money Maker. When that album was released in 1990, Melody Maker called the Black Crowe's the most 'rock n roll' rock n roll band in the world today. I don't think they ever scaled those heights again and were quickly swamped by the Seattle/grunge invasion by Nirvana, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam - but still, in their day they rocked. Below is video of their kick ass cover of Otis Reading's Hard to Handle.

Hey little thing let me light your candle
cause mama I'm sure hard to handle now, yes I am.

Go Speed Racer!

I had been intrigued by something I saw about Speed Racer on the E! channel but after I read this review in the Dominion - I just had to see it.

So I went and saw it this afternoon - and my only regret was that I wasn't high at the time, cause I think that would pretty much blow your fuckin socks off.

This is arguably one of the best cartoon/comic book adaptions because it unashamedly doesn't try to be 'gritty', 'dark', or at all worthy - this is just kick ass action and entertainment. Its like one big sugar rush, and if you were a fan of Speed Racer back in the day - you will dig this.

The Dominion captured it perfectly -

After weeks of sitting through cartoon and comic-book adaptations that have strived - hilariously - to be realistic, or even meaningful, it's a relief to see a film that takes itself seriously for not one nanosecond, and yet is still more inventive, ambitious, and impressive than Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, or any other load of po-faced twaddle that Hollywood has foisted on the nippers lately.

... Speed Racer is a hermetically sealed, candy-coated wonderland of a film.
This is a migraine of a movie - raucous, delirious, hyperkinetic, terminally daft, and very often stone-cold brilliant.
Try to picture directors Terry Gilliam and Tim Burton fighting to the death inside a pack of M&M's.

When good u choobing goes bad

I was watching that episode of Seinfeld where George had done his answer phone message to the theme of the Greatest American Hero...



And so then I searched for the actual theme music... and from there it got out of hand (as you can see). I give you 80s and 90s theme songs!

Greatest American Hero


MacGyver, The A-Team, Miami Vice, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Magnum PI, Knight Rider, Love Boat, Hawaii 5-0, Bay Watch and last but not least CHiPs