Doco Sunday

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Cuppa Joe's

Now for some good ol' US politics - just to bore the wee wee out of everyone!

Ive just been reading a fascinating article in the New Republic - one of the leading US political journals, talking about former Vice Presidential candidate, Joe Lieberman's failed primary election campaign to hold his seat in the Senate out of Conneticutt (sp? - im sure thats wrong anyway). Lieberman failed in his nomination for the Presidency in 2004, and was as mentioned Al Gore's running partner in 2000. Aside from these loses though, he has held a seat in the Senate for four terms, and was initially seen as a front runner in 2004 (before Howard Dean was endorsed by Gore, and John Kerry took the middle ground).

Lieberman's problem though, is that he is seen as pro-Bush, arguing that people shouldnt criticise the President at a time of war. Which if the country is under attack, or in a situation like WW2, then yes he is right - you don't need an opposition politicking at the sidelines. But the Iraq situation is different, there was/is no immediate threat and the Democrats were needing to act as an opposition (exactly the same problem for the ALP in Australia).

What is interesting though is how this Democratic Party primary could effect the main vote in 2008. Middle America were scared off by Bush's attacks on Kerry's indecisive - limp wristed "flip flop" nature in 2004. For the Democrats to abandon one of their senior players in such a fashion, could leave them open to the same attacks again in 2008.

In saying that Hillary Clinton is looking as solid as ever in the New York senate race, which is promising for 2008. However Howard Dean (avid Clinton hater), has taken over the running of the Democratic national body - the DNC, meaning that Hillary's ride will be rocky to say the least, and expect to see toes being tread on and blood spilt along the way.

The Democrats seem to almost be like NZ or UK Labour in the 90s, to busy fighting each other - therefore losing time and time again.

So looking to 2008, I expect to see the race being between Senator John McCain (Republicans) and Hillary (Democrats), to be honest - I could handle either, neither are nutbars of Bush proportions, and frankly from a New Zealand perspective McCain visits here a lot, and has been our biggest backer for a free-trade deal - he even referred to NZ as an ally, which we havent been called since ANZUS broke down over the Nukes issue in 1986. So while I will hopefully head over to campaign for Hillary victory, a McCain administration should suffice.

This is history

Today is the tenth anniversary of Oasis' landmark Knebworth gigs. The gigs were frankly huge and the zenith of the Britpop phenomenon. 125 000 people attended each night (10th and 11th of August), and to give an idea of how big this was the support acts on the first night were The Prodigy, Manic Street Preachers and Ocean Colour Scene followed by The Charlatans, Kula Shaker and The Chemical Brothers on the second. 1996 was the year that Britpop - and Oasis dominated and the Knebworth gigs became the stuff of legend. They were Cool Britiania.

The next year all the great acts faded - Oasis included, Blur disappeared, Sleeper produced their weakest work, Pulp took nearly three years to produce This is Hardcore and all of the bands listed above never scaled the heights of 1996 again. Knebworth was nirvana.

Also while marking this occasion, Top of the Pops after 40 years has been canned (hence the video) - to be fair I dont think it will really be missed! The world has moved on a bit. You should have noticed something strange with the video - Oasis upset the BBC in mid 1995 with this performance of Roll With It. After being forced to lip synch the lads spiced things up by having Noel act as lead vocalist (with no guitar) and Liam "play" lead guitar - making it obvious that they are lip synching. Great stuff

Stalking

Modern day stalking is soo easy - you can pretty much Google any one and at least be able to track their background etc (dont lie, you know you have) - and if they live in Wellington - get an aerial photo of their home!

But in the US, its got even jucier! Russell Brown in his Public Address column today has covered how AOL has made possibly the worst decision of all time by selling the search history of 500 000 of their clients to market researchers - who promptly put it online. Of course, once somethings online, you can't stop the spread. AOL Stalker has been set up, so you can search what people have been looking at! Trouble is of course - who would now use AOL? and probably the more worrying issue is - AOL is basically Google reskinned, so does this mean Google could do the same thing? Users could basically be held to ransom, or blackmailed with this information. This could ruin people.

Anyway here is a juicy snippet -
Woman searchs for flowers, venues etc for dream wedding... The fiance, not so much - he's more interested in "forced deep throat", "rape stories" and "lolita sex" ..... holy shit.

What a wonderful world.

The best music video ive seen for ages

And arguably the best ever use of exercise equipment!

Its on like Donkey Kong

Well after last week's slow start to my virtual picks for the Air NZ Cup, ive managed to pull a few points back - outscoring quite a few people, and now only sit 11 points shy of Hameadom. The Heartland Championship begins in Round 4, so that should mix things up a little - brings an element of luck - who knows who would win between Wanganui and Thames Valley? North Otago and Poverty Bay? Im actually willing to bet some of my competitors dont know where Poverty Bay is?? (and no googling doesnt count). Am I wrong?

The great Wikipedia Meme

Ok so this is a bit of fun, I saw it on another couple of blogs, and was actually surprised by the results!

1. Go to Wikipedia
2. In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.
3. List three events that happened on your birthday
4. List two important birthdays and one death
5. One holiday or observance (if any) - (mine is a cracker)

16 July

3 Events
- 1945, Manhattan Project - First plutonium nuclear bomb tested.
- 1951, Catcher in the Rye by J D Salinger first published.
- 1969, Apollo 11 launches - first manned mission to the moon.
and one more since its a good one
- 1994, Rwandan Civil War ends.

2 Births and a Death
- 1918, Tsar Nicholas II executed by the Bolsheviks during the Russian revolution.
- 1963, Fat Boy Slim born
- 1967, Will Ferrell born

A holiday or observance
National Ice Cream Day (USA) I kid you not, it was set up by who else..... Ronald Reagan!

Some people

Im having one of those mornings this morning.

First of all, the idiot messenger has now knocked over my Rubber plant - dont worry about cleaning it up eh! Though its not nearly as badly injured - may need re-potting at some point though.

On top of this though, and granted this wouldnt normally grate me quite so much - but doesnt it just annoy the tits off you when you say "morning" to someone - and they reply "afternoon" and do one of those heavy breath laughs - the "heeeeeee" while exhaling, as though thats funny. Actually it isnt the afternoon.

Argh

He's aliiivvve

First off the title should be read in a mad scientist style. Now who's alive you ask? My Yucca! With my care he has regained his strength, and has largely straightened himself (and yes he is a he) and the gardeners have (finally) turned up and put a stake in - so he's looking good. I did have to amputate a couple of leaves, but he is now expected to make a full recovery - after the early prognosis of - its a dead duck, and then the "well all going well hopefully just the top half will die".

Pictured is the Yucca, with its Rubber Plant friend on the floor (which as I said earlier has been cut in half) also take note of the David Brent album flyer on my noticeboard - free love on the free love freeway i say! (this was only taken with my phone - so apologies for the quality!

Review: Rather Ripped, Sonic Youth

Over the years ive never liked Sonic Youth that much - a little too avant garde for my liking, and I think arguably a little snobbish or pretentious. But over the years they have also produced some great stuff - 1997's Washing Machine, and 1998's A Thousand Leaves were both great albums - and the song Sunday from A Thousand Leaves would probably make my top 100.

Their new album has again taken the same route as Washing Machine etc, with less bullshit noise, sorry art, and more great songs. Rather Ripped has some great tracks - the opening Reena is stunning with unmistakably Sonic Youth riffs, and Incinerate kicks ass (which they performed on Rove Live last week - hardly the show you would expect to find alt-punk gods like SY), my favourite track though had to be Do You Believe in the Rapture? - a fantastic track.

All up this is a good album. Sonic Youth are a band that grows on you, but at times they're difficult to grasp, Rather Ripped is definitely one of their more accessible works.

****

Let down

Before you think this is going to be about how some people are letting others down by not updating their blog for 12 days - its not.....

No im talking about this years Film Festival. Frankly the quality this year seems down on previous years - not much has grabbed my attention. Of course there was the compulsory Tristram Shandy (its starred Steve Coogan), and im probably going to see the Holocaust drama - Fateless but other than those - for the first time since Ive been in Wellington (7 years), Im just not into it.

Also the other let down of yesterday was my Yucca plant - which I had nurtured, grown to about 1m tall, and had sitting on my desk (blocking the view of my screen to people walking into my office) - the fucking messenger knocked it off my desk - bending its spine in half. Bastard. Its pretty much ruined - the gardeners will be up this morning, and i spent the day watering it etc, but prognosis isnt good. I still have my Rubber plant - but that has recently been cut down (apparently 2.5m is too tall!)and Ive had to bring in another subsititute - its some ugly leafy thing - not in the same ball park of cool as my Yucca. Gutted.

A slow start

Well the new Air New Zealand Cup kicked off over the weekend. The Air NZ Cup is essentially the old NPC Division One, with four teams promoted from the old second division - Hawkes Bay, Tasman (a combination of Nelson Bays and Marlborough), Counties Manakau, and Manawatu.

All teams actually performed pretty well. I went and watched Manawatu (arguably the weakest, and worst prepared - their coach walked out 4 weeks ago) play defending champions Auckland. To be honest, after the Lions (British) put 100 points on Manawatu last year - I wasnt expecting much with a team like Auckland coming to town - star studded backline and all. But Manawatu dominated the break-down, turning over a lot of posession, and won the lineouts - their scrum was weak, but thats to be expected.

Manawatu lock Hayden Triggs could well make the Hurricanes if he can keep performing like that, and the Manawatu loosies were outstanding, outperforming the Aucklanders - who were made up of Daniel Braid, Brad Mika, and Jerome Kaino - all of whom have played for the All Blacks.

My team, the Wellington Lions were too good for Taranaki, and while the other results were predictable, Counites should have beaten Otago - going down by four points, and Tasman pushed Harbour losing 33-27. Good stuff.

What wasn't so good was my performance in the Virtual Air NZ Cup - picking up only 18 points, nevermind its early days yet - and the Heartland Championship should be a leveller once that kicks off.

PS. Its a little odd that the Manawatu team are called the Turbo's - they are suppsoedly named after the Wind Turbines, which dominate the hills surrounding Palmerston North - so why not the Manawatu Turbines?

206 - first class

This is from the 206 online fan club - says it all really

There's nothing like 206. Innovative and seductive, appealing as much to the eye as to the heart, the shape of the 206 symbolizes a new generation of
Peugeot.

With its lean looks and muscular stance, the 206 conveys a sensation of movement even when standing still. The spacious cabin, the high-quality finish and the discerning choice of materials give it a feeling of luxury usually associated with a much larger car.

Thats first class. I'll take photo's this weekend and blog them early next week.

Stop the Clocks

Oasis have today announced via their very handy email newsletter that they are releasing a best-of titled Stop the Clocks. Apparently it will be the bands "ultimate set list" and will feature songs from all albums including "the best b-side ever" (if they say so themselves) Acquiese and also Half the World Away (which I would argue is better!) plus all their major singles.

This is apparently a stop-gap between the end of their Don't Believe the Truth tour and beginning the next studio album. Often best-of's are a sign that the end is nigh, but I hope not - Don't Believe the Truth is easily their best album since What's the Story and while its good to go out on a high, I think the lads still have another couple of great albums in them. Fingers crossed!

PS, in the handy email there wasn't a release date so I assume this is out now?

Tate Modern

Art isnt one of my usual topics I know, but while dreaming of being on holiday this morning, I read an article about how the Tate Modern is going to expand. Tate Modern is the sister of Tate Britain or The Tate as it was known, and was opened in 2000, and because of the UK Labour govts most excellent policy of free entry to museums and galleries; instead of having 1.8m visitors per year - they get 4m! Hence the expansion. Tate was an absolute highlight of my time in London with level 5's Idea + Object and States of Flux galleries holding most of my attention - pictured is one of my favourites Jasper Johns' 0 through 9, from the State of Flux space - which also houses Warhol's Double Elvis and one of the iconic Marilyn Diptych's. Not only the art though, the Tate itself is stunning - it used to be a power station, you enter through what was the turbine hall - which is just massive. Looking at the "Pyramid" extension im not entirely sure about the design, but we'll see, and god knows London needs more stand out contempary architecture. If youre ever in London check that puppy out.

Holy shit

This is apparently legit - David Hasselhoff is producing a musical about his life titled David Hasselhoff: The Musical. Not a lot else needs to be said really.

Sensational reporting

Keith Ng in his On Point blog on Public Address has done a fantastic take on the DomPost's ridiculous sensationalistic article on crime in New Zealand. Keith's article is definitely worth a read.

Shocking figures in the DomPost yesterday showed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there are places in New Zealand with more cases of MURDER per capita than any other place in New Zealand.

What's more, the statistics irrefutably show that this is not only true of MURDER, but also of robbery, assault, rape and cannabisism. Remarkably, in a country that we once thought of as safe, there now exists CRIME CAPITALS where instances of such crimes per capita is higher than anywhere else in New Zealand.

Dragons Den idea 1

Ive called this idea 1 as Im sure ill come up with others.

For those in foreign lands - Dragons Den is a show where people pitch their business ideas to "the Dragons" - 5 highly successful business people, who either invest - or slag them off telling them theyre rubbish. This is surprisingly addictive TV. The UK verison screened here earlier this year, and the Aussie verison has just finished - they are now calling for auditions for the New Zealand version!

My idea - online hookers.

Now almost every other part of the sex industry has moved online - porn, buying toys, picking up people through dating sites etc- so instead of cruising along Vivian St or Marion Sq, or K rd in Auckland - why not order your hooker/rentboy etc online?

Concept - set up a website where people sign up, load their Credit Card details, and then each time they visit, they simply pick what they want - M/F/MTF/WTM/?, Age, Race etc, select the service they want and for how long - their credit card is then debitted and the hooker meets them at the agreed location. Simple.

Prostitution was legalised in 2003, and this seems like the obvious next step - way more discreet. This works to much the same model that D'Vice use for taking toys to the mainstream - websites are non-judgemental and annonymous. Seems ideal to me.

Thoughts?

Bizarre night at the movies

This post should have been my review of Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story, which is Steve Coogan's new film, part of this year's Film Festival. But....... the Embassy's fire alarm went off, and the building was evacuated with about 10 minutes to go. At first the festival people said, sorry we havent enough time to play the last few minutes before the next film, but then attempted to, only for the projector to malfunction.

What was most annoying about this was the 14 minute short film played at the start. Now normally I like a short film as an entree, but this film was silent and acted through interpretive dance....... Break - the breakdown of a modern day family through interpretive dance.......... enough said on that really. Utter bollocks.

So anyway the film is about the making of "the unmakeable" 18th century novel - The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy. Coogan of course is outstanding, playing the lead role, and himself. Welsh commedian Rob Brydon plays the co-lead (or supporting actor role according to Coogan) is also great - insisting that while Coogan may deny that he talks like Alan Partridge, he in fact is Alan. Great cameos from Dylan Moran (Black Books), Ronni Ancona (Big Impression), Gillian Anderson (X Files), Stephen Fry (Blackadder), Tony Wilson (the actual guy Coogan played in 24 hour party people), Mark Walliams (Little Britain) and Kelly Macdonald (Trainspotting) amongst others.

The film is hilarious, there are scenes where you litterally convulse with laughter - I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard in parts - but ive no idea what the ending is like! So ill give it a provisional four stars.

http://www.tristramshandymovie.com/

****

Peugeot 206

Well, I took a car I had been perving at for a week online for a spin today - then bought it!

Its a smaller engine than what im used to - only 1400cc as opposed to 2000cc. Still it had quite a bit of pep, and was still able to cruise past everyone else on Ngaraunga gorge. Should be quite a bit cheaper petrol wise too!

Also as you can see its red, so quite a bit faster!

Fuck Fuckity Fuck

After posting the previous article and subsequent comments, Ive looked into the Top 20 with the highest number of fucks!

Counting down the Top 20 Fuck Films
NB fpm = fucks per minute

20. American History X, 214 @ 1.8fpm
19. Suicide Kings, 222 @ 2.1fpm
18. Eddie Murphy Raw, 223 @ 2.48fpm
17. The Devil's Rejects, 224 @ 2.06fpm
16. State of Grace, 230 @ 1.72fpm
15. True Romance, 234 @ 1.95fpm
14. Empire, 236 @ 2.62fpm
13. The Boondock Saints, 246 @ 2.17fpm
12. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, 248 @ 2.38fpm
11. The Big Lebowski, 260 @ 2.22fpm

10. Pulp Fiction, 265 @ 1.72fpm
9. Reservoir Dogs, 269 @ 2.69fpm
8. Bully, 274 @ 2.42fpm
7. Running Scared, 275 @ 2.28fpm
6. Dirty, 280 @ 2.89fpm
5. Made, 291 @ 3.10fpm
4. Narc, 297 @ 2.83fpm
3. Goodfellas, 300 @ 2.07fpm
2. Jarhead, 335 @ 2.72fpm
1. Casino, 398 @ 2.24fpm

There you have it!

Fucking short version of the Big Lebowski

WARNING link includes a lot of Fucking Fuck F words, probably not best to listen to this at your place of work or around kids...

This is a 2 minute version of the Big Lebowski (one of my favourite films ever). They have basically edited all the F words together. Trust me its a crack up.

Funniest ad ever?

I only ever saw this ad once at the movies, but its for the car im probably going to buy this weekend!

Click here to watch the original Peugeot 206 ad

Review: Who the fuck's Arctic Monkeys ****

The most exciting band since Oasis took the interesting step of releasing a follow up to their record setting debut album - Whatever You Say I am, Thats What Im Not, with an EP only three months later.

Who the Fuck are the Arctic Monkey's? features five tracks, the single - The View from the Afternoon, which is arguably one of their strongest track, and four other new tracks.

Cigarete Smoker Fiona, and the title track - Who the Fuck are the Arctic Monkey's? are easily the standout tracks of the EP, while the others you almost get the feeling are just there to make up the numbers - on first impression dont seem to be much more than glorified B-sides.

Once again though, its Alex Turner's lyrics that are the standout feature, continuing his examinations of everyday life, capturing what it is to be young, and mucking about with your mates. Turner says way more in his lyrics than any of his peers, and has the potential to be the greatest songwriter of the last 10 years.

Arctic Monkey's are exactly what Noel Gallagher was talking about in 1994's Rock n Roll Star. While this EP isnt as strong as their debut album, it still kicks arse.

****

Things Ive learnt

In the latest issue of Empire, they have included a double sided movie trivia poster, linking movies together etc.

So here's what I learnt

- Kevin Smith and his team paid for Clerks on their Credit Cards. The total film cost was $25 000.
- Smith also originally shot an alternate ending to Clerks, based on the ending of Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing.
- Francis Ford Coppolla hired his friend George Lucas to be the Second Unit Director on The Godfather.
- Steven Soderbergh's (Ocean's Eleven) Sex, Lies, and Videotape was the first film Empire gave five stars.
- While playing a screenwriter in the Coen brother's Barton Fink, John Turturro was actually writing (in the scenes where he was shown typing) his own screenplay which later became 2005's Romance and Cigaretes.

Fascinating huh.

Catching up, putting your foot in it

Had an incredibly relaxing weekend, although was a little disapointed - I attempted to get out Do the Right Thing - Spike Lee's masterpiece, which the video store has "lost" so instead, I filled my "great black film" quota by watching Malcolm X instead (Spike Lee's other great film) which in my opinion is a stunning epic.

I spent Friday night catching up with Chris, Nath, Dan and Bridget, and then Saturday morning with Misty and the kids. I hadnt seen Nath in a year, and Dan in probably close to three years - if not longer! So it was fantastic to just talk shit like old times. Nobody has particularly changed - Dan trys to say he has, but just below the facade are the stories of getting in a fight at the railway station etc (whats new?). He also has a new tattoo - a star with bird wings with water spraying out making the word - "Savannah" his baby girl's name - who it must be said he adores.

Chris and Bridget have also decided on their suits/gowns etc for the wedding (which I finally remembered to get measured up for today). Fair to say my reaction to the silver waistcoats wasn't appreciated. You see one of my problems is that I have an opinion on most things, and tend to make said opinion known - which can of course rub people the wrong way.

Something to work on I guess!

Also you will remember in an earlier post, my rant about Sounds on Lambton Quay not being aware of EPs, let alone the Arctic Monkey's new release. Well guess what has arrived instore at Sounds today? Who the Fuck are the Artic Monkeys - thats what baby!Ahhh vindication!

What's goin on?

Marvin Gaye sang What's goin on? in the late 60's, capturing the mood perfectly. At that time it was Vietnam/communism (perceived domino effect etc), race riots, Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy being murdered - everything seemed to be spiraling out of control.

This morning listening to Morning Report, and reading the Dom at my desk, I couldnt help but think of that track. Israel and Lebanon are now effectively at war with one another. Two Israeli soldiers were taken hostage by Palestinian militants, based in neighbouring Lebanon. So Israel basically invades Lebanon, and have murdered over 100 civilians to date, along with taking out several strategic targets - key bridges, the airport and rail lines. So Hizbollah (Palestinian militant group) have replied launching rockets into Israel, and have killed about 10 civilians, and another 10 or so military personnel (This could have been much worse if a rocket that struck a railway station had been launched at the correct time to strike at rush hour).

This seems to be escalating by the day, if not hour. The conflict between Israel, and basically the Arab/Islamic world is the cold war equivalent of modern times. Now being neither Jewish or Islamic I dont really have a side in this conflict - but this has potentially far reaching consequences, and no one seems to be either rational, or in control.

Essentially my feeling is that they are both as bad as each other. The United Nations need to grow a backbone and go in and give them both a right ticking off! Make them both stand in the naughty spots/corners as it were. I think long term the UN or another independent body will need to take control of the holy sites, and Jereusalam, and basically divy up the rest of the land creating a new Israeli state, and an independent Palestinian state - with neither having control of the holy sites.

Shalom.

Anniversary weekend celebrations

To mark this weekends 26th anniversary celebrations, I bring you what could well be an annual event.

Counting down the Top 50 all time tracks according to Andrew

50 Belle and Sebastian Sleep the Clock Around
49 Badly Drawn Boy Once Around the Block
48 Ryan Adams Harder Now that its Over
47 Beta Band Dry the Rain
46 Elastica Stutter
45 Ocean Colour Scene Travellers Tune
44 Morcheeba Part of the Process
43 Ben Harper By My Side
42 Flaming Lips Do you Realise
41 Radiohead High and Dry

40 Oasis Do you know what I mean?
39 Arctic Monkeys A Certain Romance
38 Smashing Pumpkins 1979
37 Mazzy Star Fade into You
36 Radiohead Climbing up the Walls
35 Ryan Adams Touch Feel Lose
34 Belle and Sebastian Boy with the Arab Strap
33 Oasis Songbird
32 Beck Lost Cause
31 Ocean Colour Scene The Day we Caught the Train

30 Ben Harper Where Could I Go
29 Aimee Mann Save Me
28 The Beatles Sexy Sadie
27 Morcheeba Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day
26 Johnny Cash Hurt
25 The Beatles Here Comes the Sun
24 Skunk Anansie Hedonism
23 Ben Harper Forgiven
22 Fleetwood Mac Landslide
21 Ocean Colour Scene You've Got it Bad

20 Pulp Common People
19 Blondie Atomic
18 The Beatles Blackbird
17 Radiohead Street Spirit
16 Ben Harper Waiting on an Angel
15 Marvin Gaye Lets Get it On
14 Radiohead Airbag
13 Oasis Live Forever
12 Nirvana All Apologies
11 Radiohead Creep

10 The Byrds Ballad of Easy Rider
9 Badly Drawn Boy A Minor Incident
8 Oasis Cigaretes and Alcohol
7 Marvin Gaye Whats Goin' On
6 The Beatles Two of Us
5 The Byrds Eight Miles High
4 Aimee Mann Wise Up
3 Radiohead Pyramid Song
2 Nirvana Smells Like Teen Spirit
1 Oasis Supersonic

Thats a rock solid top 10 if you ask me - but then I would say that! I imagine some of the calls will raise eyebrows - namely Aimee Mann sneaking into the top 5, but hey thats the standings this year.

Originally I was going to do a top 32 list - Nick Hornby style, but considering my shortlist blew out to 83, I thought culling it to a top 50 wasn't bad going!

Heeyyyy

This is the funniest thing ive seen in a long time. The man himself James Brown doing an interview while off his face..

"I look good, I smell good, I feel good, and I make love good."

How thick can you possibly be?

This thick apparently. I came across this this on a NZ right wing blog, now most people must be aware of satirical "news" website The Onion but it turns out an anti-abortion blogger wasnt.

He blogs about how disgusting the woman in this article is - titled "I'm Totally Pysched About This Abortion!" Read his outraged diatribe here.

Its the Onion dumbass - its made up! I have an Onion article on my office wall titled "Study shows 72 per cent of high-fives unwarranted" surely you would realise from their headlines that its a joke!

10 Top films of the 90s

Ahh the 90s, there was some junk, but also some of the greatest work ever. And what better way to celebrate the 90s than a top 10! Total Film (opponent of EMPIRE) has released their top 10 films of each year during the 90s.

Listed below are Total Film's No. 1 pick (the Oscar best pic winner*) and my pick

1999, Fight Club (American Beauty) American Beauty
1998, Out of Sight (Shakespeare in Love) The Big Lebowski
1997, LA Confidential (Titanic) Donnie Brasco
1996, Trainspotting (The English Patient) Sling Blade
1995, Seven (Braveheart) The Usual Suspects
1994, Pulp Fiction (Forrest Gump) Pulp Fiction**
1993, Groundhog Day (Schindlers List) True Romance
1992, Reservoir Dogs (Unforgiven) Malcolm X
1991, Silence of the Lambs (Silence of the Lambs) Barton Fink
1990, Goodfellas (Dances with Wolves) Miller's Crossing

* - These Oscar winners were released in the year noted, but won their Oscars the following year.
** - How good was 1994? - Speed, Clerks, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Ed Wood, The Lion King, Leon (aka The Professional), Shawshank Redemption and Pulp Fiction - not to mention the film that went on to win the Oscar - Forrest Gump. Possibly films greatest year?

A few notes - What the hell are Total Film on? and where can I get some? Out of Sight!?!?! Groundhog Day!?!?! WTF.
Some of these were a pretty close call - 1991, 1992, 1994 and 1996 for example were all close - in most cases owning the DVD was the deciding factor.

One of those dumb questionaires

Stmbled across this today, and thought why not?

1. How old do you wish you were? 15. Nothing you do at that age matters, but you don’t realise it until youre old.
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened? In bed. Got a phone call from my sister and flicked on the telly.
3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Kick it.
4. Do you consider yourself kind? Sure.
5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? A line from the Beatles’ Blackbird Singing around my forearm.
6. If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be? French.
7. Do you know your neighbors? Most of them, yes.
8. What do you consider a vacation? Getting out of Wellington for at least three days with no work to be done.
9. Do you follow your horoscope? Never.
10. Would you move for the person you loved? Yes, that’s the point.
11. Are you touchy feely? No.
12. Do you believe that opposites attract? No.
13. Dream job? Lead guitarist of a kick ass band, although realistically a consultant.
14. Favorite channels? C4 and probably UKTV.
15. Favorite place to go on a weekend? Massey memorial/coastal drive on a sunny day, anywhere with red wine on a rainy day.
16. Showers or Bath? Baths have their moments, but showers are way more efficient.
17. Do you paint your nails? Not so much.
18. Do you trust people easily? Until they give me reason not to, so yes.
19. What are your phobias? I’m scared of heights, but not really a phobia.
20. Do you want kids? Not fussed.
21. Do you keep a handwritten journal? Not hadwritten.
22. Where would you rather be right now? Somewhere warm and sunny.
23. What makes you feel warm and safe? My 12 guage.
24. Heavy or light sleep? Heavy.
25. Are you paranoid? I don’t think so, what do you mean? What are you talking about? Why would you ask that?
26. Are you impatient? Only when driving!
27. Who can you relate to? Minister Farrakhan… Joking. Probably Nick Hornby
28. How do you feel about interracial couples? I don’t feel anything about them, doesn’t worry me in the slightest.
29. What’s your life motto? It can always be worse.
30. What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Hellomoto – the Motorolla one
31. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping
32. Who was your last text message from? Tinks
33. Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine.
34. What color shirt are you wearing? Navy – Vamos Argentina!
35. Most recent movie you watched? One Day in September – actually a doco (and no it’s not about 9/11).
36. Name five things you have on you at all times? Wallet, Keys, Mobile, Shoes, Clothes!
37. What color are your bed sheets? White with Maroon pin stripes.
38. How much cash do you have on you right now? 50c
39. What is your favorite part of chicken? Thigh.
40. What's your favorite town/city? Wellington within NZ. London and Melbourne are also cool
41. I can’t wait till... I get paid tomorrow.
42. Who got you to join MySpace? I’m not.
43. What did you have for dinner last night? I didn’t actually.
44. How tall are you barefoot? About 1.8m.
45. Have you ever smoked crack? No.
46. Do you own a gun? Nope.
47. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water, or if its a bad day- V
48. Do you have A.D.D.? No
49. What time did you wake up today? Around 6.20am.
50. Current worry? I don’t worry
51. Current hate? Tories, people finding a problem with everything – we don’t know how lucky we are/
52. Favorite place to be? Home in bed.
53. Where would you like to travel? Europe, Argentina and Central Africa.
54. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? In Wellington or London.
55. Last thing you ate? A Trisha’s pie mmmmmm
56. What songs do you sing in the shower? Freedom isn’t Free
57. Last person that made you laugh? Anika Moa, performing TLC's "Scrubs" on Pop Goes the Weasel - Fuck are you dumb? I am TLC
58. Worst injury you've ever had? Probably when I smacked my head on the flying fox at Forest Lakes.
59. Does someone have a crush on you? Several I hope.
60. What is your favorite candy? Peanut Slab.

Jagshemash!

The trailer for the Borat Movie is available here. If the movie is half as funny as the trailer its gonna be a stunner.

Miller takes gold

Well young Karen Miller played a blinder, dominating the challenge laid down by Hameadom.

I managed to come second, which Im pretty stoked with -although Nath also beat me in the mates list (im used to that though - no surprises there), but he wasnt in the challenge.

Final Challenge rankings as follows
Karen - 275 points
Andrew - 264
Hamish - 259
Angus - 241 (frankly embarassing)
Julian - 234
Caree - 169*

Nath finished on 274, which is also better than Angus.

* - There were rumours that Angus made this player up, so he could finish ahead of at least one person.

Oh and btw Italy won the World Cup after Zidane packed the mother of all spaz's - butting his head into the chest of an Italian defender earning himself a red card. Nice one.

Kapa o Pango

Well the All Blacks performed Kapa o Pango for the third time on the weekend - including the controversial throat slitting ending, and then went on to absolutely crush the Wallabies.

The ABs won 32-12 (4 trys to 2). I have never seen such scrum dominance - at times the Aussie front row were literally on their knees - Woodcock, Mealamu, and Hayman just shoved them around like rag dolls - incredibly impressive.

Former Wallabie halfback and captain Nick Farr Jones conceded after the game that their pack looked like they were on ice - skidding all over the show - "we were smashed".

Next up the Wallabies face South Africa in Brisbane, before the Boks come to Wellington to face us. Can't wait.

Naturally the media is again all over Coach Henry.

PS. Prime News carried footage of Jerry Collins having a slash on the field - during a break in play, Jerry was seen down on one knee - with his cock slightly poking out the leg of his shorts. Classy. Hey if you gotta go - you gotta go! - Watch it here

Oddspot: Trains and Pies

This from today's Herald - a train driver stopped his train (partially covering a level crossing) so he could have a pie at a cafe. Apparently he didnt even get takeway - he dined for 20 minutes, meaning one person had 20 minutes added to their taxi fare!

Needless to say, Toll Rail are investigating. Gotta love this country!

Goalski

I'll let the cat out of the bag now. When Walter Hadlee led the NZ Cricket team to England in the 1940s, they knew they could never expect to win a test let alone the series, so they set more realistic goals for themselves - scoring x many centuries, winning x many county games, and attempting to draw a couple of the tests (They drew all the tests and bettered all their goals btw).

So in much the same way that Hadlee approached that tour I tackled the Football world cup virtual. I knew winning the virtual was nigh on impossible, so I had one main goal. Beat Angus. You see football is effectively his home turf, his castle if you will. This goal of mine was the equivalent of Millwall storming Old Trafford, or Horowhenua winning at Jade Stadium.But as it turns out - the Emperor is Naked!

Now to be brutal, he basically wasn't much chop. Angus will blame the Japanese, but the reality is that mine and Karen's football knowledge is superior to his. Frankly this morning he embarassed himself - picking Portugal - knowing everyone else would pick France in the hope it would come off - so he gets points and no one else does. But no, that call now means Angus cannot catch me - even if I don't make further picks.

Ahh the satisfaction.

You've got to laugh

Italy beat Germany this morning to dash the hopes of the host nation, and who picked this?? No one. Litterally no one in either of the challenges Im in or my general mates list picked Italy to win - let alone the score line.

Hows that for an upset?

This leaves only three games left, so from here Karen will have to have a shocker if anyone is to pass her.

Classic Chinese Commentary

Hat tip here to Tze Ming Mok on Public Address.

Click here to watch this clip of Australia getting knocked out - apparently the commentator quite likes Italy. Hilarious!

Translation as follows -

"Penalty! Penalty! Penalty! Grosso's done it, Grosso's done it! The great Italian left back! He succeeded in the glorious traditions of Italy! Facchetti, Cabrini and Maldini, their souls are infused in him at this moment!......
he continues - ........Goooooal! Game over! Italy win! Beat the Australians! They do not fall in front of Hiddink again! Italy the great!"

Actually quite gutting

Well as a fella once said - its all over baby blue. Argentina are goneburger, but luckily England has too - so I havent lost too much face.

This is the first time I have closely followed a football world cup, I have watched parts of course before (watched Brazil kill Italy in the 94 final, and then France do the lord's work in 98, and "supported" Angus through his darkest hour in 02 etc). Normally football bores the piss out of me, and while yes some games achieved that this time around, for the first time I found myself caring about the outcome of games, supporting Argentina and Cote d'Ivoire (who I think could have made the 16 if they were in a different pool).

But now its basically over, I think Germany will probably be too strong from here, and while id like Portugal to play the final (I saw C Ronaldo while in Manchester - we have a connection) but I also think France will actually be too good - two weeks ago I would have laughed at that suggestion - but hey as I now know - thats football!

Eden Park redvelopment

The redevelopment plans for Auckland's Eden Park were unveiled today and I have to say im mighty impressed!


As part of the bid to host the 2011 Rugby World Cup, the Govt and NZRU guaranteed to expand Eden Park to at least 60 000 (up from the current 45 000).

Now if youre not familiar with Eden Park - it basically developed like a monster - building new stands one at a time - so basically its awful and an embarassment - certainly not in the same league as Twickenham, Ellis Park, Stade de France or Stadium Australia.

Basically what they are going to do is demolish the South West, South, and Panasonic Stands along with the archaic Eastern Terraces. They will be replaced by a three storey stand, and an extension to the 1999 built ASB Stand. Only the ASB Stand and the West Stand will remain - fantastic!. The facade of the new stand will be transparent too - so it should look cool too.

Its great to see that we're actually doing this right (i had heard rumours that temporary seating was to be added around the perimeter!?!?!?)

Plastic Surgery

Well today I checked into my second bout of cosmetic surgery.

Now that everyone's either saying "Oh My Gawd!" or "Mmmm Yeah its about time" - ill explain. I went in to have a sty removed from under my eye - which you had probably noticed, and were just too polite to say anything. Only thing it turns out it wasn't a sty after all, it was a cyst.

So anyway my Plastic Surgeon - Mr Adams, injected a local anaesthetic into my lower eyelid in three places. This stung. Three times. Then using a scalpel, cuts it off, stiches my eyelid back together and we're done. All up it took half an hour.

Only slight issue (which they explained would happen in advance) is that I now have a black eye. When they told me it would happen - I said "fantastic, that'll do my street cred wonders".

So yeah im well hard. As I said to one of my colleagues when he said "What does the guy look like? ha ha" - Watch it son.

PS Whats my other bout of cosmetic surgery you ask? I was counting braces on my teeth! which is technically cosmetic surgery - just makes that opening line a little more shocking!

Burnt

I had a really good feeling about the Socceroo's, there was a romantic quality to their story - having the curse lifted by John Safran (i kid you not), actually making it to the round of 16 from a pool - in which to be fair they shouldnt have won a game, and going up against a thus-far woeful Italian team.

But my gut feeling has let me down for the first time in this virtual comp. I scored 0 this morning - zip, nada, nothing. And I blame Australia, and its people. Well them and the Swiss (I should have known better than to back that crowd - get off the fence! Nazis)

On the bright side, I still lead Angus (or "Cosby"as he likes to call himself - I know WTF?) by 20 points, Nath has now passed me, but considering he always beats me at these things - I can handle that, also Karen has extended her lead - but I just take comfort in the fact that she too is beating Angus.

Spain play France tomorrow and Brazil play Ghana. Hopefully I can pick up at least some points there!

PS. How much did England miss Peter Crouch and his wicked robot dance???

Movie: Munich *****

And rounding out my freezing night in, Steven Speilberg's Oscar nominated, Munich.

The 1972 Munich Olympics are remembered for many things - US Swimmer Mark Spitz won a record 7 gold medals, New Zealand's rowing 8 won gold, and as a result the world heard God Defend New Zealand for the first time (before then God Save the Queen was played). But of course the event that cast the greatest shadow was the massacre of 11 Israeli athletes.

A group of Palestinian militants called Black September broke into the athletes village and took the 11 athletes hostage, before murdering them all - all the hostage takers were later killed by German police.

Speilberg's film basically covers what happened next.

Mossad (the Israeli secret police) were then ordered by Prime Minister Golda Meir to hunt down and assasinate the 11 people who were behind the attack.

This is some of Speilberg's best work if you ask me, he goes to great length to not condemn either people, pointing out that theyre both as bad as each other. While the group of Eric Bana led Mossad agents are hunting down everyone and anyone, we're continually being told of the revenge attacks by the Palestinians - which are in response to the Israeli revenge attacks, which were in response to....and so on.... You see Speilberg's point.

This is also some of Eric Bana's best work - the key thing is that he comes across as human - bursting into tears when he talks to his newborn daughter etc.

If you ask me Speilberg was robbed. Crash who picked up the Best Picture Oscar, while quite good - isn't a patch on this. The problem of course is that this film is waayyyy too political for the Academy. Also as New Zealander I guess I do look at this from a neutral perspective, and go into watching it with no particular agenda - completely generalising but you could imagine how an American audience would see nothing wrong with Israel's action in taking revenge for an act of terror - not seeing that there would be implications.

I fully recommend this, it gives a new perspective on terrorism, and how nations should react. As the saying goes - an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.

Movie: Thumbsucker ****

You know its bloody cold when you drive to the Lyall Bay Warehouse to buy another fan heater (for only $12 too I might add).

So what better way to spend a cold saturday night than sipping merlot, eating fish and chips and watching DVDs?

I just watched Thumbsucker, it's about a 17 year old - Justin who funnily enough, sucks his thumb and is basically a coming of age tale.

Justin's buddhist orthodontist - Perry, played by a hilarious Keanu Reeves, hypnotises him and tells him he needs to find his inner animal (which is a deer btw) to stop his thumbsucking. Instead Justin finds prescription drugs (which enables him to become a champion debater), then pot, then sex to take his mind off his problems, before realising that everyone has their skeletons and issues.

Lou Pucci is stand out in his role as Justin, picking up Best Actor gongs at both Berlin and Sundance film festivals, and there are great turns by the odd debate coach - Vince Vaughn, and his mother Tilda Swinton (White Witch in Narnia).

This is a fantastic film in much the same style as Garden State, Donnie Darko etc. Thumbsucker makes it points well and and is very humourous along the way. Great first film for director Mike Mills.

Los Pumas

The All Blacks play Argentina in Buenos Aires this weekend. Naturally the largely arrogant NZ public are expecting a thrashing.... but im not so sure.

I expect the ABs to win, but we have never, and I mean never, played well in Buenos Aires. In 1986 we drew with Hugo Porta's side (the Maradona of Rugby in Argentina) and the last time we were there was in 2001, where only a last minute Scott Robertson try saved the ABs.

This time around the selectors have continued with their rotation policy, by selecting an entirely new starting 15 from the series against Ireland. Big Jerry will captain the side, and Dan Carter plays his first test this year.

The media are also saying we should only play our top 15 - you only have to look back at the 99 and 03 World Cups to see that doesnt work - both times we had players forced to play out of position to cover injuries - Cullen at Centre in 99 and MacDonald at Centre in 03 covering Umaga.

Personally I think its fantastic that we can effectively field two world class teams and expect to win. This doesnt devalue the jersey, it gives us the depth to have the best possible crack at the World Cup next year. Henry and Co are working on the assumption that we are going to probably lose one of our top line players, so its important that other options are there. Who's to say Carter or McCaw wont break a leg or pull a muscle the week before the final? At least we will be prepared.

So this weekend, given the ABs will be trying new options, and the intense nature of a game in South America - dont expect a thrashing.

For the record - My pick for the AB team that will win the Cup.
15. MacDonald, 14. Gear, 13. Muliaina, 12. Mauger, 11. Sivivatu, 10. Carter, 9. Weepu, 8. So'oialo, 7. McCaw (c), 6. Collins, 5. Eaton, 4. Jack, 3. Hayman, 2. Oliver, 1. Woodcock.

Reserves: Sommerville, Mealamu, Flavell, Lauaki, Kelleher, McAlister, Nonu.

UPDATE: Final score All Blacks 25, Los Pumas 19 (3 tries to 1). Referee was a disgrace, way out of his depth.

A wins a win and as captain Jerry Collins said during his post match interview - "Its not the sort of game people want to see, but ff oh ah who cares"

Gingers

Check out this site, its about promoting the rights of the souless ginger kids.

Keane, Under the Iron Sea ***1/2

Bought Keane's new album late last week, and gave it a listen over the weekend.

Their last album - Hopes and Fears was fantastic, but it did have a problem, 90% of the songs were played with the same instruments, at almost exactly the same tempo, meaning it could get just a little tedious (although we're not talking James Blunt tedious).

The new album, Under the Iron Sea is good, but given they are trying new things, some parts just dont come off. The first single, Is it any Wonder, is loud, brash and and fairly rock n roll - its only ok, and already im a little over it - as its just not very Keane.

Stand out tracks for me, is track 10 - Try Again, which is a stunning quiet track and tracks 3 and 4, Nothing in My Way and Leaving So Soon? which are classic Keane.

Oh the whole though there are way too many holes for me to rate this. Hopes and Fears was a better alround album, but this still has some great tracks and is definitely worth a listen.

You can listen to track samples here

Would you have invested?

This is an actual photo of the staff of Microsoft in 1978, note Gates at bottom left. Question is - would you have invested? You would be a millionaire now, but hmmmmm Im thinking not.

Japan wins whaling vote

Japan gained a majority at the International Whaling Commission (IWC) for the first time in 20 years.

Japan passed a resolution saying the the Whaling moratorium was no longer necessary by 33 votes to 32. Included in that 33 is the Solomon Islands where Australia and New Zealand both have large contigents of troops restoring the governments authority, and land-locked Mongolia and Mali, full list below.

All is not lost - for Japan to re-start commercial whaling, they would need a 75% majority. this resolution basically says that the commission (world) will turn a blind eye, by saying that whaling isn't wrong.

I think the Japanese need to be shown an economic argument - such as the amount of money that could be made through tourism etc.

Shame Japan.

Full voting as follows
(NZ and Japan are first in each list so you can pick the goodies from the baddies easily!)
AYES
JAPAN, Antigua and Barbuda, Benin, Cambodia, Cameroon, Cote d'Ivoire, Denmark, Dominica, Gabon, Gambia, Grenada, Guinea, Iceland, Kiribati, South Korea, Mali, Marshall Isl, Mauritania, Mongolia, Morocco, Nauru, Nicaragua, Norway, Palau, Russia, St Kitts & Nevis, St Lucia, St Vincent & Grenadines, Senegal, Solomon Isl, Suriname, Togo, Tuvalu.

NOES
NEW ZEALAND, Argentina, Australia, Austria, Belgium, Belize, Brazil, Chile, Czech Rep, Finland, France, Germany, Hungary, India, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Luxembourg, Mexico, Monaco, Netherlands, Oman, Panama, Peru, Portugal, San Marino, Slovakia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, United States of America.

Abstentions
China, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Kenya.

Just a glance at those lists makes you realise its basically two groups - Whaling nations (Japan, Iceland, Noway Denmark) and the third world, versus the developed world. With all due respect, who has heard of Suriname?? Japan has poured aid into these countries (estimated $400m) and got them to join the commission, and vote for their outrageous resolutions.

PS. On the bright side, Japan did lose the vote to be able to hunt Dolphins and Seals - "for science".

Home renovations

Well kind of anyway, the weather has been just awful for the last fortnight. Freezing, raining/hailing etc.

Now the window in my bedroom had a rusty hinge, now it has a broken hinge, and was flapping in the gale-force winds last night. Naturally, being the home handy man that I am, I just had to fix this.

So ive nailed the window shut, and taped up the gap around the window (where the wind was blowing through) with duct tape. Hell yeah.

So I spent $8000 doing the bathroom up, and used nails and duct tape to fix the bedroom.

Bloody hell

WARNING: Content is a tad disgusting.

Not sure how widely I had told the story of my blocked drain earlier this year, and you need to know the backstory to frame todays episode- so heres a little background.

Earlier in the year I heard a gurgling sound, went into the bathroom and found the bowl full - so i flushed and it went away - later that night there was more gurgling - but this time not just water was returned - in fact not too much water at all! This time the returned goods couldnt be flushed however, so I had to use a tupperware container (bucket wouldnt fit - so it was that, a dessert bowl, or a saucepan) to pitch the water - out the window. Now while i was scooping this out, I was recalling my recent "stools" and thinking that there was nothing that could have caused this level of blockage?? And then it appeared. A fucking tampon (hence the name of the article). You see my drain is shared with the flat above. So I got the drain unblockers around and they fished out all sorts of goodies including two, yes two maxi pads. Lovely. So that was sorted, toilet flushed again, we got on with the refurbishments etc.

But, this morning..... gurgling. So I yell (while in the shower) you fucking dirty bitch! Not my finest moment. Anyway so I get some more drain people around - these guys were the real deal with a camera and big machine thing. The only problem (well aside from the cost this time - $700) was these guys were so good they found that the bloody maxi pads werent the problem (though they didnt help). No no, it turns out roots have invaded the pipes and are blocking the drain - catching all the toilet paper, tampons etc.

So, now we (me and the owner of the flat above) have to replace the pipes in the ground. Luckily the City Council at sometime had replaced two thirds of it. If they hadnt the estimated cost was approx $17-19 000. Since they had though its only gonna cost $4000.

On a lighter note - their (the drain guys) slogan is "Our business is in the shit". Fantastic.

Anyway - so now not only do I have to fork out $2000, I now have to avoid my neighbour after calling her a fucking dirty bitch. Cue the Curb your Enthusiasm theme!

Elephants flatten Bangladesh village

Another odd spot - (this week has been great for them) A Bangladeshi village has been flattened by a herd of elephants for the last few nights - apparently eveyone is living in boats now as the "beasts" (as the article calls them) come back every night to smash shit up.

Now, elephants have a really long memory and are reknown for holding a grudge - so what the hell did these villagers do?

Back of the net

24 points there today.... not that Im one to gloat - but that is the perfect score. Thats first class.

Ive now stormed up to third in our office comp, and second in hamedom's challenge. In fact the two people who arguably know the least about football are leading! Id be embarassed.

Angus is still last. As Cartman once said - Can I taste your tears? they taste so good!

1939 all over again!

Tomorrow will be pun overload! Germany play Poland tomorrow - only this time its the Poles invading Germany. For those not up on their history (yes im talking to you Mr Whats Galipoli? (pronounced Galy Polly by this serial offender) the Nazi's invaded Poland in 1939 to kick WW2 off - yes yes this is a sick line of jokes and I probably will burn in hell. But im sure the Polish will be starved of possession.

Anyway in other footballing news - Angus is letting his family, country(s)... frankly everyone down with his performance in the virtual - this quote from the lad himself sums it up -

"whos idea was this fuckin gay virtual football thing anyway?.... fuck, fuck, fuck.... "

The language shocks me to be honest.

PS I get the feeling the German defence will suffocate the Polish tomorrow. Ok ok thats the last

Police mistake rugby match for a brawl

An oddspot - A group of guys were playing a game of footy in some Russian city, only to be arrested - as the cops thought it was a brawl!

I guess to the un-trained eye rugby could look like a brawl??

Bathroom nearly finished

Well given how shocking I did this morning on the virtual - we'll turn our focus to other things!

First pic is the before, and the others of course are as it looks today - all thats left to do is the tiles around the wall (which are the floor tiles cut horizontally in half - they will measure 60cm wide, and 15cm high once ive cut them). and then the grouting - which happens tomorrow and Thursday. The second pic shows the wall colour better - you'll note the new bath mat - and matching towels on the ladder heated towel rail.

Go you good thing

Well after my weekend despair over the football shirts - Monday has delivered. Lifestyle sports (whom I wrongly crticised in the earlier article - it wasnt them it was footlocker) delivered big time.

They stock the shirts of most of the teams - not Cote d'Ivoire but hey who cares as long as they have something other than england and brazil.

But I decided against a shirt in the end - and I went for a addidas tracksuit jacket (you know the ones with the stripes down the sleeves). And which country you ask?

Argentina. They beat Cote d'Ivoire - and looked good in the process - theyre exciting to watch, theyre not England and frankly from what Ive seen so far - are probably the only team who might be able to take Brazil (granted - still a long shot - they beat them 3-1 from memory in qualifying). And the final reason for putting my lot in with them - the words across the shoulders. HAND OF GOD. Any who celebrates cheating to beat England - has my support!

There's a World Cup on?

This years FIFA World Cup has actually got me quite excited, I got up this morning and watched both games - in full.

After that - and seeing that I was beating Angus "i couldnt pick a winner to save myself" white in the virtual, I thought I would go and buy a football shirt - to show my colours and all that.

Of course I used to own a Nederland shirt, which got stolen because Chris left the window open - if he had've closed the window of course, I wouldnt have needed to go buying today.

I stupidly thought that since the World Cup at just started that Rebel and Lifestyle etc would have shirts all over the show.... apparently not. Youre in luck if you support Brazil or England... anyone else - forget it!

There were a lot of All White shirts about too - which I guess is a pretty good thing, if only the Knights/Kingz werent so hopeless, football could actually grab this current momentum.

Btw I was of course looking specifically for Cote d'Ivoire - but considering that was unlikely, I had Portugal, Spain and Nederland again in mind.

UPDATE: My Rebel Sport contact (Boyo) tells me theyre slack and dont really do team shirts anymore. So ill have to turn to the internet. Also while chatting we discussed the football - how; boring England was/exciting argentina was/innevitable a brazil win is..... and also the looks on Angus and hamish's faces when theyre knocked out.... again.

Of course I know what im talking about

Virtual World Cup Football has started, and just like NPC and Super 14, half the world has signed up- which means its time to talk football.

Anyway I was wearing my Man U hoody the other day, and a guy from our office starts going on about Man U, how wonderful they are etc, as though we're kindred spirits.

So do I admit to only buying the jumper cos I thought it looked cool? Hell no, I start on about them as well - Alan Smith was a rubbish buy - or so I say!

The problem is - now everytime we chat - its about football! I only know so much! Now its just a matter of time before the whole sham is exposed!

Go Cote d'Ivoire!

Anti Clarkson bollocks

Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson has been called an "outstandingly bigoted petrolhead" by Sir Jonathan Porritt, a British environmentalist.

Porritt came out with this because of Clarkson's dismissing of global warming - after he said something like, people like warm weather - so we should all drive big SUVs to encourage global warming.

Now its obvious he is saying this with tongue in cheek, bloody pathetic though to criticise him like that, and blaming him for people not taking global warming seriously.

Brazil 4 All Whites 0

The All Whites went down 4-0 to a star studded Brazil side this morning, in a World Cup warm up match (for Brazil).

It was less of a thrashing than everyone was expecting, mind you the NZ keeper stopped about 20 shots on goal!

Great experience for the All Whites though - playing Ronaldo, Ronaldhino, Kaka etc etc.

Ridiculous

I wasnt gonna blog about this - but its got out of control! In case you hadnt caught up - a couple of Hurricanes got into a bit of strife after the Super 14 final.

Basically Canes flanker, Chris Masoe tripped over a guys leg at a bar after the game, thought the guy stuck his leg out - so he punched him. Tana Umaga grabbed Masoe, pulled him aside then while berating him, grabbed the closest object he could find - a womans hand bag which he repeatedly belted Masoe with. Reportedly Masoe then cried.

As it turns it turns out the mobile phone which was in the bag got broken, which Tana has paid for, and Masoe was fined $3000.

Now, the owner of the bag, bless her, has put the bag on Trade Me. They are keeping an eye on it, and removing daft bids (it got as high as $100million). I was shocked when the proper bids went past $2000, but at the time of blogging, its just on $55 000!

Apparently this is a genuine bid - Who the fuck would pay that??

I wouldnt pay more than $50 for that.

Somethings I just dont get!

PS in the three lines since I wrote 55 000, it has now got to $61 000!

Revenge is sweet

The guy who set this blog up bought a Lap top off Ebay in Britain, when it arrived it basically didnt work.

The guy who sold it then refused to acknowledge there was a problem and wouldnt refund......

So the guy who bought it set up a blog and put all the dodgy shit he found in the hard drive of the lap top.

This is hilarious - look out for the pics the guy has taken of womens legs on the tube!

I guess you shouldnt fuck with people!

Ummmmm???

KKK on a Ferris Wheel(1924) Not just lynchings then - fairground rides as well!

Not quite sure what to make of this...... Funny but disturbing at the same time

Get yours today!

UK farmers David Lucas and Brian Rutterford have been caught by the tabloid People (admittedly not the greatest source) selling gallows!

"I guarantee these will do the job. You can get rid of as many as five
people at a time. Each unit has five individual gallows and the
beauty of it is you can use it over and over again."

Apparently Lucas has been doing this for a decade! People posed as a representative of the Mugabe regime to carry out the purchase.

Now some might say so what - its no different to selling electric chairs etc, but the Mugabe regime! They'll just be cracking necks cause people disagree!

“Say you only have one execution team - that’s all you would need. They could travel around from village to village or prison to prison. It could save a lot of time,” he explains, helpfully.

We Can Be Heroes

Bloody Aussies have done it again!

We Can Be Heroes is a new series and its been described as a cross between The Games (stunning aussie spoof of the Olympics) and the League of Gentlemen.

Commedian Chris Lilley plays all the main characters - 5 Australians who have been nominated for Australian of the Year for various absurd feats.

It basically captures everything that is awful about Australians! Such as the 17 year old posh school girl - Ja'mie who has sponsored more Africans than anyone else - "Doing the 40 hour famine twice a week keeps me looking hot", and Constable Phil Olivetti - on being nominated for a bravery award - "I laughed at the suggestion when I nominated myself."- who saved some kids when the blow up castle they were in playing flew into a pylon, and Pat who has one leg shorter than the other and rolled from Perth to Fremantle - "Yes Im disabled... but I can roll"

This show is really weird but great - check out the site - you'll get the idea.

Tight!

Apparently this is what Karen is up to these days - this is a clipping from an Airforce Magazine

Go New Zealand!

The New Zealand entry in Google Idol - an online lip-synching contest has made the grand final - versus the British entry.

This competition actually has nothing to do with Google - they've just used their name - which is odd.

The NZers are "performing" Leo Sayer's truly awful You Make Me Feel Like Dancing

Watch their music videos and vote for the NZers here

Weirdest game of footy ever?

Well the much hyper Super 14 final was just plain strange. At around 6.10pm Jade Stadium was engulfed in a thick fog.














This meant that you couldnt see the other side of the ground - and meaning the TV coverage was made up of ground level shots of the field, and meaning anyone in the stands from about halfway up couldnt see a thing (including the coaches boxes and the commentary box!).


But because they had to film from both sides of the ground - watching it on TV was awful - continually changing direction.

And by the way - the Canes lost, going down 19-12. Essentially there was one broken tackle which led to a try - winning the game.

In other news Jerry Collins is set to captain the ABs against Argentina in Buenos Aires, of course you will remember the last time we played the Pumas over there - needing a last minute Ben Blair try to win. Richie McCaw is of course the squad captain, but this is great for big Jerry!

The selectors have chosen two seperate teams, one to play Ireland in two tests, and another 15 to play Argentina. How many teams in any sport could do that?? This will be the second time in two years that the ABs will have fielded entirely different starting 15s in consecutive weeks (Happened last year for the Welsh and Irish tests).

Todays the day

Well tonight actually

The Hurricanes play the Crusaders for the Super 14 title. Now I admit it - the odds are against us, but the Canes have absolutely nothing to lose!

So ill say it now - Im picking an upset - Canes by -12!

btw - England weren't looking to flash in their world cup build up match the other day..... still neither Brazil in the lead up to 2002!

Its not smart, and its not clever

Shock horror - The daft winners of the Eurovision song contest - Lordi of Finland have been unmasked by a Finnish tabloid.

Now just incase you didnt catch up with this - Lordi dress up in monster masks, and their gimmick was to never show their faces. They are supposedly a death metal type outfit - grrrrr

Unlike Kiss - who actually had some decent tracks, these guys are (like most Eurovision song contest winners) bloody awful.

What is most worrying is that people vote for the winners of this! and 200 000 Finns (not Neil or Tim!) have signed a petition protesting the publication of their faces.

Bands spending hours before a show having prosthetics applied is just daft. Probably serves more as a distraction to their gash sounds. Looks like bloody panto!

All though their are unconfirmed reports that Liam Gallagher has invested in a cape, sword and wizards hat. Go on admit it - he's dopey enough.

PS. Lordi's latest album is called The Arockalypse. Says it all really! ROCK

Should I stay or should I go??

Well everyone has a comment on this so why not??

Mark Inglis (the guy who lost both his legs to frost bite on Mt Cook, and who has since won a Paralympic Silver medal) recently climbed Mt Everest - no mean feat for an able body person - let alone a double amputee.

About halfway up his carbon fibre legs snapped (he taped them back together!) but eventually he got there. An incredible story.

But

Along the way his party passed an English solo climber who was basically dying. Now the party stopped to check on him, but did nothing and moved on.

Now lets be clear - over the couple of days that the Englishman was camped up and dying - 40 other people also passed him, only the NZ party actually bothered to stop.

Which brings us to the classic question - do you help him. All of us non-climbers have heard how you just don't, and I had assumed the media were making way to much out of it, but then Sir Edmund Hillary jumped in and said they were out of line, and that his party would have definitely stopped. The PM (who has climbed K2 - so knows a bit) said it was a bit harsh to put it all on Inglis - there were 40 others.

Rob Hall's wife (famous NZ climber who died up everest a couple of years back) Jan Arnold said Inglis couldn't be blamed, but as John Campbell said - it does look like the choice they made was between - climbing the mountain, or saving the mans life.

To be honest though - these expeditions only carry just enough oxygen and supplies for themselves, helping this guy out, could have potentially cost other lives.

But what a choice to have to make. To just keep on going knowing that man needs help.

UPDATE:
In todays Dominion (25 May) Inglis replies with quite a good analogy which puts things into perspective for us non-climbing types - "......... if someone standing on a bridge fell into the Huka Falls, would you jump in after them? At 8500m it's phenomenally difficult just to keep yourself alive." Inglis also points out that other people in their party were far better qualified than him to be of assistance.

Ben Harper's accoustic concert

Well apparently - as expected it was fantastic - reviews on his site here

One guy on there goes on about how ever since Diamonds on the Inside its been downhill - otherwise the others are all positive.

Apparently he didnt even use a microphone - just him and a guitar....... how cool is that!

Set list below - at least he didnt play By My Side - which would have really ripped.

Set I: • 11th Commandment > • Well Well Well • Pleasure And Pain • When It's Good • Power Of The Gospel • With My Own Two Hands • Another Lonely Day • Walk Away • Diamonds On The Inside • Where Could I Go • Steal My Kisses • Burn One Down • Please Bleed • Reason To Mourn • I Shall Not Walk Alone • Waiting For You • Morning Yearning • Happy Everafter In Your Eyes
Encore I: • Cryin' Won't Help You Now • There Will Be A Light • Please Don't Talk About Murder While I'm Eating • Amen Omen • Better Way

Urinal ettiquette

Well since the builders havent turned up two days in a row to finish the place off, ill just have to blog on something else.

I came across this site today, and it reminded me of a recent Urinal incident.

Its a game where depending on where others are standing in the bathroom, which urinal will you choose to piss in.

Click here to play...

bathroom update 3

The bathroom as it looks tonight - tiling is done - just needs to be grouted (which ill do once Ive painted). As you can prob tell, the shower, taps etc have also been installed.

Next step is the gib stopping, which begins monday, then painting from wednesday-ish followed by final tiling next weekend and grouting.

And we're done!

Hurricanes did it

Unbelievably the Hurricanes have made the final of the Super 14 - the first time in the franchise's history that they have made a super-rugby final (they have made the semis on three other occasions - 1997, 2003 and 2005).

It was another huge effort, the canes led 13-8 at half time, and spent the first 23 minutes of the second half (which seemed an eternity) camped in the Warratahs 22, and failed to score any points. The Tahs then scored two penalties to take a 14-13 lead with about 9 minutes remaining - to be honest we looked dead and buried. We couldnt crack the tahs defence, the first chance they got to score points - they took it, we replied by making a hash of the kick off - they score again. But not this time. Cane's first five, Jimmy Gopperth (dubbed Jimmy Dropperth by the aussie media for his shocker last week) slotted a penalty from halfway (lierally) to claim the lead back with 6 on the clock.

Lote Tuqiri (the decent black league convert - not to be confused with Wendall "the junkie" Sailor) then missed a drop goal, which he claimed went over (missed by a good 20m). Then all that was left was for the canes to hang on.

Which they did, winning 16-14. The highly favoured Crusaders play fourth placed Bulls in Christchurch tomorrow night. If the Crusaders win, the final will be an all NZ affair in Chch, otherwise if the Bulls pull off an upset - we're back in Wellington next week. Dare I say it - go the Bulls?!?!?!

Another bathroom update

Well the bath, toilet and most of the gibbing has been done. Also in the pics you will notice the new windows - and it opens!

You will also note the ladder type thing on the right - its the heated towel rail - the over-priced heated towel rail. To get a normal one costs around $60, to get that ladder style one costs $400 - I just dont know how it can be justified, I did get $100 off.

So now only the last of the gibbing, the gib-stopping, tiling and painting to go!

The Bathroom Update

Well the bathroom is now underway - today the walls were removed, you will note there is no floor either.

Tomorrow, new bath and new window are installed

Photo 1 is last night - the second image is how it looks today

A joke

I thought this was hilarious when I heard it - naturally works better when said, but hey who puts sound files on a blog???

Anyway here goes

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A Pilot - what else would you call him you fuckin racist!

Hurricanes

Things were frankly looking dire for the Canes after their "effort" against the Reds.... but somehow they beat the earlier competition favourite Warratahs - in Sydney (where they have been unbeaten for two seasons) to secure a home semi final against the Tahs.

Frankly im scratching my head how they held the Tahs ou - but it was fantastic.

Also Wendell "Complete Waste of Money" Sailor has been suspended indefinitely for Cocaine use. This is on top of three previous late night drinking debacles.... one can only assume his career is now over - im sure League will have him back...

How good is that?

I was supposed to be going to Ben Harper's Auckland concert next week, but both me and Sel were denied leave from work. Considering that the concert is the monday straight after the Budget i probably should have checked leave i know!

Anyway I put the tickets (that I bought for $160) on Trade Me - and got $310! Thats gonna pay for my tiling!

Shitang! how good is that!?!?!?

Liam on Franz, Coldplay and ties

I thought these snippets were worth sharing.

A little harsh maybe, but you've got to love our Liam's slagging off of other bands. All this is from the latest Q interview with Liam.

"Franz Ferdinand? They're just Right Said Fred in a suit mate."

"What bothers me right now, OK, is that we are not the biggest band in the world anymore, U2, the Stones, even fucking Coldplay are bigger than us, but then Coldplay suck cock, don't they? I'd still rather be Liam Gallagher than fucking Bono with his fucking bible or Chris fucking Martin doing whatever the fuck it is he does."

"I like the fact that Arctic Monkeys are ordinary Northern boys and not ponces like Kaiser Chiefs or Franz fucking Ferdinand. Look at what those monkeys wear - probably takes them hours - hours to get ready to go onstage. Arctic Monkeys? I reckon it takes them 10 minutes - I respect that."

he continues
"I don't wear blazers and I don't wear ties."
Q - You do wear scarves though.
"Listen, soft lad. There's a world of difference between a scarf and a tie right? I'm nothing like those cunts."

While our Liam can be a bit of a twat, you've got to love his ranting - and pretentious wankers like Bono and Martin deserve to have the piss taken.

Why on earth

Mother of God

Apparently there is a live action version of Transformers on the way, starring Jon Voight, Bernie Mac and a couple of other nobodies.

Unless they are actually gonna build transformers its not really gonna be live action is it - 95% animation I would expect.

You just have to ask... why??

Transformers Roll Out!

Buck Rogers Shower

Much like Alan Partridge's Buck Rogers Toilet, I think I have found what can only be described as the best shower on the market.

The Methven Satin Jet is the macdaddy of showers - the foot fucking master.

You cannot appreciate its goodness until you have seen it in action - the water kind of rains down and seems to have a different texture almost.... you can test them at Plumbing World, when I did I exclaimed - Jesus Titty Fucking Christ im buying that beeearch!!! .... well almost.

Cant wait till its installed

International Star Wars Day

May the Fourth (get it?) is International Star Wars Day, make sure you mark the anniversary of the overthrowing of the evil empire by watching an episode, or if you dont have time - just hum the theme all day long to your colleagues.... they'll love you for it!

May the force be with you.

Non Adult Cartoons

In talking about adult cartoons - its made me think back to when Cartoons were wicked.

1. He Man and the Masters of the Universe
2. Voltron: The Defender of the Universe (is there a theme here?)
3. Thundercats
4. Teenage Mutant Ninja (or Hero if youre from Britain and offended by Asian martial arts) Turtles
5. Samurai Pizza Cats

close call was Eek the Cat and the Animaniacs - but they were early high school years, so don't count

Brentmeister General

Oh how good was the office. It's fair to say its been a little over done of late.... still its easily one of the best commedies ever.

If youre missing that goodness check this site out, it has sound clips from the show - and even though theyre only one or two words they still crack me up - racial.

And on that bombshell its time to play top 5 all time sitcoms.

1. Seinfeld
2. I'm Alan Partridge
3. The Office
4. Curb Your Enthusiasm
5. The League of Gentlemen

I was thinking about shows like The Simpsons and The Critic, South Park and the Family Guy, but I figure just chuck Ren and Stimpy in and you have a whole other top 5 - Adult Cartoons!

Blogging the build

Colour me stoked - the builders start tomorrow on my bathroom! I would post some before images but it is god-awful so im not sure it is appropriate.

Its a full refit im doing - replacing the bath, toilet (going for a buck rodgers toilet!) the walls and the windows.

finally it begins tomorrow!

Virtual Super 14

As soon as I finally get a lead in the competition - stormed to number 1 in our office ladder. Im let down by my sure bets.

Take last week for example the Canes blew their best chance to beat the brumbies, and the crusaders only managed a draw with the to date useless western force - Crusaders again stuffed me up by losing to second-bottom Stormers.

grrrrrrrr