1000 Greatest Rock Songs

Daft radio station The Rock recently compiled a list of the 1000 greatest rock songs according to their fans. Hilariously they included easy listening acts like fucking Phil Collins and U2 as well as lame uber-stoner band Sublime and one hit wonders like Skid Row.

But I guess when you are doing a 1000 song list, you're really just going through albums listing absolutely anything that catches your eye.

But anyway here is their top 20 - no prizes for guessing who got number 1.

20 FOO FIGHTERS - Best of You
19 METALLICA - Fade to Black
18 PINK FLOYD - Another Brick in the Wall
17 PEARL JAM - Black
16 AC/DC - Thunderstruck
15 METALLICA - Nothing Else Matters
14 PEARL JAM - Better Man
13 GUNS N ROSES - Sweet Child O' Mine
12 PINK FLOYD - Comfortably Numb
11 SHIHAD - Home Again

10 LED ZEPPLIN - Stairway to Heaven
9 FOO FIGHTERS - Everlong
8 QUEEN - Bohemian Rhapsody
7 NIRVANA - Smells Like Teen Spirit
6 RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE - Killing in the Name of
5 FOO FIGHTERS - All My Life
4 GUNS N ROSES - November Rain
3 AC / DC - Back In Black
2 METALLICA - ONE
1 METALLICA - ENTER SANDMAN

First of all I'm not convinced Foo Fighters should make the top 100 let alone have anything in the top 10. Shihad shouldnt be that high either - who are they kidding? Actually if you drop those three out and spread the Metallica out a bit its not a bad list by moving the next ones up - its ridiculous that Pink Floyd and The Who don't feature.

So here is my top 10

10. The Who - Baba O'Reilly
9. AC/DC - Back in Black
8. Led Zepplin - Stairway to Heaven
7. Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
6. David Bowie - Under Pressure
5. Metallica - Enter Sandman
4. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
3. Neil Young - Hey Hey My My
2. Guns N Roses - Sweet Child O Mine
1. Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit

Silverman on Obama

See more Sarah Silverman videos at Funny or Die

The Heart Attack Grill

Well at least they can't be criticised for pretending they're anything other than shocking for you.

The Heart Attack Grill in Arizona - "Taste worth dying for" - check out their menu here (pictured below is the Quadruple Bypass) it features a whole lot of meat patties, 'flatliner' fries and cigarettes. Nice.

Art for Art's & Victor's sake

Last night was the IHC Art Awards out at the Dowse. I was bidding on behalf of the chair for two or three in the main auction - only managed to get one, but we drove the price up in the others anyway!

But after the high of bidding we all got a bit carried away and started bidding in the silent auction (which we were running!) .

At first I tried to buy this one - which I like to call Shagging Penguins. But then Victor Bright came over to help sell his untitled painting - by the end it hadn't reached the reserve - so I chucked a bid in and ended up buying it (pictured).

URRRRRRRR

Another Empire List

Empire Magazine have done a vote for the 500 greatest films of all time... again. The Godfather has taken the top spot off Star Wars - but Empire Strikes Back still rated highly. Can only assume that the Godfather's renaissance is linked to its recent re-re-release on DVD, but all the same it remains in my all time top 5 and is great today as it ever was.

The top 10 is as follows:

1. The Godfather (1972)
2. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
3. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
4. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
5. Jaws (1975)
6. Goodfellas (1990)
7. Apocalypse Now (1979)
8. Singin' in the Rain (1952)
9. Pulp Fiction (1994)
10. Fight Club (1999)

So Spielberg (Raiders/Jaws) and Ford-Coppola (Godfather/Apocalypse) take two a piece - its a pity FFC has made a load of bollocks in recent years huh? I'm not sure what the hell Fight Club is doing in that company - its lightweight and shouldn't be there - all it is, is American Beauty for kids. Singin' in the Rain is the only one I haven't seen too so thats not bad.

The description of the Godfather is classic too: A wedding. A horse’s head. A gun in a restaurant toilet. Sicily. Another wedding. A car bomb. A toll-booth. Orange peel. A baptism. A closed door.

But anyway - other notables

100. Network (1976)
91. Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (1983)
85. Blue Velvet (1986)
68. Annie Hall (1977)
61. The Usual Suspects (1995)
46. On the Waterfront (1954)
45. Psycho (1960)
43. The Big Lebowski (1998)
34. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
31. Gone with the Wind (1939)
28. Citizen Kane (1941)
26. Dr Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
22. Star Wars: A New Hope (1977)
20. Blade Runner (1982)
19. The Godfather Part 2 (1974)
18. Casablanca (1942)
11. Raging Bull (1980)

Fanta Pants to perform in the Bay

Well New Plymouth might be many things but it has exposed its ginga-phobic attitude with Simply Red set to perform into the safe haven of Napier.

Mind you as God said to Tony Wilson - "You were right about Mick Hucknall, his music is rubbish and he's a ginge."

But anyway below is a video which shows the sort of refuge Simply Red may well be staying at in Napier.

Kubrick revisited

I ended up catching the end of 2001 the other day which brought on all sorts of nostalgic feelings for my two favourite Kubrick films - Full Metal Jacket and Dr Strangelove and so today I watched both!

It's easy to forget what a master Kubrick was and if you havent watched these for a while, you should definitely check them out. Either that or get your hands on some mind altering substances and freak yourself out by watching 2001 again. To whet your appetite I have the closing scenes of both - which of course are some of the most memorable sequences in cinema history.

Back of the net!

It may not be CNN - but all the same I think this is almost as good!

You will remember how we found a dumbass candidate who had set up an online poll and that we were ensuring accurately reflected the mood of the electorate?

Well it somehow got drawn to the attention of the local media and well... (click on it for a big version - its worth a read)

I just love how it quotes whole passages from the comments section like "I don't trust Nathan Guy" and how he acknowledges that his Facebook "hadn't had the big pick up that we thought." Brilliant.

McCain/Palin 08

Holy shit - they made CNN! - and to mark the occasion, here is my favourite campaign image so far.

First Church of Sarah Palin and Jesus Christ

Diana and co are doing some of the funniest shit on the interweb right now. This one just cracked me up.



You can see loads more of these over at Diana's blog

The Umbilical Brothers

I spent the evening at the Umbilical Brothers excellent first ever show in Wellington.

If you aren't familiar with the brothers - they are a pair of Australian comedians who combine Michael Winslow style sound effects with mime. Their tap dance routine was awesome as was most of the show. Below are a couple of clips - the first is the tap dance and the second is the 'Klaus' Solo Show' from their European humour bit.





The brothers have a couple of other dates on this tour, and will be back early next year with their other show - if you get a chance you should check them out.

Discovering the cutting edge

I had always bought into the idea that the 1970s was the golden age of cinema, followed by strong efforts in the 1980s and 90s that built on it. You had the greats - Jaws, Star Wars, The Exorcist, The Godfather I & II, Chinatown, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, All the President's Men, The Graduate, Apocalypse Now, Network, Annie Hall followed by the 80s greats Platoon, ET, Full Metal Jacket and so on.

But I've recently discovered a whole other time when cinema wasn't constrained by censorship and when the viewer was treated like an adult - a time that was probably the most liberal period. I'm of course talking about the 'pre-code' era of the 1920s and early 1930s.

So far I've only watched a couple but I'm loving them and if you can get hold of one in particular, Employees' Entrance, you should definitely check it out. Its the story of an amoral New York department store owner who takes delight in sacking his staff, driving some to suicide and shagging all the sales assistant, including one who uses his lust to work her way up the ladder.

The films of this era made bold references to everything and anything that was considered taboo - sexuality, prostitution, drugs, mixed race relationships, abortion, suicide, and so on and so forth. Naturally this raised the ire of the religious and morally conservative elements and the Hays Code or Motion Picture Production Code was introduced to rein productions in and indeed destroy copies of some works.

There is some mind-blowing stuff out there that would still shock today - if you're a movie buff I think its definitely worth taking look.

Fire up bitch!

What a weekend that was for NZ sport! Everything seemed to fall into place nicely.

Now if you're one of those who think sports events help political fortunes, you have to ask -are we heading towards a perfect storm? Its probably still too early to tell, but think about it - we've got interest rates dropping, petrol prices dropping, tax cuts roughly two weeks away, the All Blacks winning the Bledisloe and Tri Nations, the Warriors creating history by beating the minor-premiers, the Winston thing ricocheting off for the loss of 1 or 2 points at best and probably most importantly, dialogue reopening between Labour and the minor parties of the left.

I would also mention the Phoenix - they didnt lose tonight at least - but they gave it a decent shunt with their consistently shakey defence trying really hard to snatch another defeat.

But anyway, the grit and tenacity shown by Henry and his All Blacks last night was incredible. Henry is so similar to Clark its uncanny - dominant and successful for so long, yet widely panned for their arrogant demeanor and questionable methods. They also both face flash-harry opponents who originally hailed from Canterbury - so surely the All Blacks winning at one of the hardest venues (Suncorp) is a good omen?!?

Finally, just like Mark Gasnier's infamous phone message that the headline refers to, the Warriors sent an unwelcome but emphatic message to the other NRL finalists and Rugby League establishment - doing something no other side has done in the history of the competition - defeating the favourites and top ranked side in the first round of the finals.

So maybe the stars are moving into alignment - and it might just be on. So as Gasnier might say - Fire up bitch!

Another good idea/bad idea

Good idea - set up a facebook supporters page

Bad idea - run an uncontrolled web poll linked from that page...

Online Poll Powered By MicroPoll

UPDATE The gig might be up - links seem to have died - well at last count Darren Hughes was at 93% support and Nathan Guy 7% in the scientific poll to determine who people would prefer as Otaki MP.

UPDATE 2 Actually the link to the polls seems to be working again and the split is now 94/6 yus!

No you're it

Over the weekend One Moment Caller did the whole tag/favourite bit of art thing. So here goes nothing... no really.

I was going to take a picture of my 'Retard' plate, but then I wasn't sure where the line was for art... I then thought - well if we're going to broach that subject...

I give you a collaborative work from New Zealand's latest artistic collective - which I like to call the 'Key Chain Gang'.

The work:
Key Chain Gang, Untitled, 2008, found objects, dimensions variable.
Courtesy of Mister Minit.

The story:
We (as in the collective) bought this compelling work over the last three or four years. You will note the red key shaped element at its heart which is possibly a political symbol. The red hinting at a socialist core, being surrounded by representations of family through the placement of the keys to their homes with the large black Peugeot element almost demonstrating a cold industrial landscape behind everything. Also the representation of Master Yoda is an interesting comment on the guidance that the older members of our community provide (pointing any fingers, I am not... DO), while the Phoenix season ticket holder tag represents a cold sad hopelessness and utter despair.

Ok piss taken. Your turn.

Reason number 61425 to love the interweb

People seem to have way too much time on their hands. Makes me wonder what people did before the information superhighway enabled them to make stop motion videos of Metallica using Lego. Let's not question it any further and rock out.

Told you it was good!

Well I survived Beervana - although yesterday was incredibly dirty and fair to say we didnt make it back after a large night at the Malthouse afterwards.

I tried all sorts of beers including Wellington's newest - Yeastie Boys - Pot Black Kettle (a dark porter-esque brew), Epic's Pale Ale and Lager, Dunedin's Green Man Keller, Stout and Pilsener, Three Boys Golden Ale, Whitecliff's Lager, Renaissance Stout and of course the full range from Tuatara.

Now you will remember Tuatara from our trip out to their Waikanae brewery in May when I raved about it.

Tuatara were almost head and shoulders above many of the other breweries and it showed with the boys picking up Best French & Belgian style ales for their Ardennes and Best UK and other European style ale for their Indian Pale Ale along with the overall Gold prize being crowned New Zealand's Best Brewery.

After we finished up at Beervana we headed off to the Malthouse for a few rounds of Tuatara's limited edition Belgian Ale and Epic's range with Dion (Tuatara's master brewer) and Malthouse owner Colin (the dude serving on their homepage) talking hops and all things beer till the early hours.

All in all it was a ripper of a night - tried some great beers from right across the spectrum and waxed lyrical about beer all evening - what could be better??

Help a brother out

My hero, Larry David's bit for the Stand Up to Cancer thing - the chemo-induced baldness is stealing the limelight (and sympathy sex) from the rest of us bald brothers... so we need a cure for cancer. Enjoy

Linkages

Some new links on the side bar this week. I've added a link to Jacinda's campaign site - vote bro for ex pats. She got 20 on Labour's list so will become an MP later this year which is really great - and when I chatted to her the other night she seemed really humbled and overwhelmed by the ranking (ahead of several current cabinet ministers) which I think is a very good sign.

Also we have Sexy People - a site where people send in their hideous 80s portrait photos - funny stuff.

Finally its the next best thing out of Wellington - the Family Cactus, otherwise known as young Adam's band who have been recording at Lee Prebble's studio and will be mixing etc up at a certain Mr Finn's studio.

What I'm listening to at the moment

After loving The Phoenix Foundation's Happy Ending and the soundtrack they pulled together for Eagle vs Shark, I've been checking out Samuel Flynn (son of Tom) Scott's solo album Straight Answer Machine.

Its a good listen and I've chucked the first track, Llewellyn below. It has some really good tracks such as Stolen Egypt, the toe tapping - Leave Me Alone and All My Dreams. However it does lack the polish of the Phoenix Foundation andt at times it does seem a little underdone - even a little bit like a collection of b-sides.

If you haven't listened to Wellington's finest before, then I would suggest starting with an album like Happy Ending before jumping into Straight Answer Machine.



For a taster of the Phoenix Foundation you can watch the video of my happy song (directed by Taika Waititi) from Happy Ending - Bright Grey here or watch my favourite music video (obviously because of the cricket content and cameos by Dion 'hash-pipe' Nash and Lou Vincent - I love the Hadlee shrine too lol) Bleaching Sun below.

'That' Jim Hickey video

A classic moment from the TVNZ archives - The rain is a goneburger. But the showers and a bit of frost well they're ah...

Almost there

The Hobson St Posse has moved ever closer to the $1000 mark for the years work at the Shepherds Arms Quiz.

Another $70 to the kitty tonight with $50 for second place and two 10/10 rounds.

So all in all a good night taking us to $865 with about 5 weeks left for the year.

Your weekly pop quiz is - If you list all the names of countries in alphabetical order - which country is the fifth one beginning with the letter L?

Hmmm... we listed all the L countries we could and actually got this -

Laos, Latvia, Lebanon, Lesotho, Liberia, Libya (almost everyone answered Libya or Lithuania - even forgetting Liechtenstein!).

Possibly the scariest film ever

I'd heard about the cinema goer at the film festival who shat themselves when watching Spanish horror flick - [REC] - so I was quite excited about the prospect.

It's along the lines of the Blair Witch Project with a film crew following a fire crew on their call outs. Their first call out is to an apartment building where an old lady is locked in her house screaming and the Police need help breaking in. From there things go badly awry and it becomes a cross between Blair Witch and 28 Days Later.

Unlike the Blair Witch you see the source here and frankly it had most of the audience jumping out of their seats - and the friend I was with, screaming like a bitch. And what better promo for a film than the audience reaction - which was used in this trailer.

I won't say much more - but I definitely recommend [REC]. Trailer below.

Sweded vision

There is a new film coming out called Son of Rambow - based on the re-make Garth Jennings did of First Blood as a 10 year old. It's a similar story to that of the famous cult classic eight-year Raiders of the Lost Ark Adaptation project done by a couple of brothers and looks something like a sweeter version of Be Kind Rewind.

Empire pulled together a list of some of the best 'sweded' versions of films on the choob.

The Shining


The Empire Strikes Back: In 60 Seconds


Star Wars: A Cardboard Hope (the X-Wing v Tie Fighter scene is awesome - look out for R2 made from a keg too and the hub cap Millennium Falcon)


Jurassic Park


And finally Michel Gondry sweding his own trailer for Be Kind Rewind

Portrayal Of Obama As Snob Hailed As Step Forward For Blacks

In other news John McCain gave another speech today, attempting to distance himself from his policies.

Hell of a good song

Stunning Swedish folk version of an Aussie classic - cut to the 1:40 mark.

And I thought - what could I do?
And I knew there was no help from you, no help from you
Sound of the drums beating in my heart
Thunder of guns tore me apart
You have been.... Thunderstruck



Check out other great covers by Hellsongs from their album Hymns in the key of 666 - Jump, We're not Going to Take it, and their beautiful version of Black Sabbath's Paranoid

Hell of a good film

Oh its pun overload!

Went to see Hellboy II tonight and as expected it kicked ass. Guillermo Del Toro just plain rules and looks to be an inspired choice for the helm of the two Hobbit/LOTR prequels.

The only question is where will the eye balls pop up in the Hobbit? LOL - In Pans Labyrinth that dude had eye balls in his hand and in this the witch doctor type dude at the end had them in his wings.

If you enjoyed the first Hellboy - you will like this. Its funnier and way bigger with huge fight scenes, great new characters and stunning effects.

PS Del Toro's take on tooth fairies (little bug things in the vid below) must have his kids shitting it every time they get a loose tooth!

Trailer below

TFI next Friday

I'm taking next Friday off for the first 'boys' day I've had in over a year.

With a couple of mates I'm off to play a round of golf and then head along to Brew NZ's BEERVANA at the Overseas Terminal!

Basically all of NZ's best breweries come together under one roof including Dunedin's Emersons, Nelson's organic brewers Founders, Waikanae's Tuatara and my favourite - Epic from Auckland.

I'm sure we'll be able to fit in a dirty slab of cow and eggs at Crazy Horse or the Green Parrot before we start again for the Saturday session.

Vincent's sister

Not sure what made this come to mind - but it rules all the same.

There was a deleted scene from Pulp Fiction in which Mia Wallace asks Vincent what his last name is - he says Vega, and she replies - like the folk singer? and he says yeah she's my sister. But anyway here is Suzanne Vega with the classic Tom's Diner - just try to get this out of your head for the rest of the day!

Fizzle Quizzle

Two weeks in a row now we've been short of numbers which has seen us only taken home $10 at the Shepherds Quiz.

We were bloody close on the Jackpot at the end - but the ruling went against us meaning we didnt get the $160 on offer there - bugger.

There was a funny moment though when I recognised someone in one of the other teams - only to discover their team was the most hated team in the quiz - the Gambino Crime Family (they question answers all the time). They were shocked to find out that almost all other teams despised their constant moaning! lol.

But anyway I pulled out a big call in the jackpot round - so here is the question of the week:
Who won the bronze at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics and silver at the 2000 Sydney Olympics in the 100m sprint race?

The answer is of course not Asafa Powell as my amateur team mates wanted to say (duh) it was Alto Bolden of Trinidad and Tobago.

Vote Bro

Labour announces its list placings in a couple of weeks - and fingers crossed new talent will be promoted ahead of the hacks.

And for our overseas readers - one of the three or four standout new candidates is Jacinda Ardern who is running the ex-pat campaign from London. God knows what that will exactly involve - but hey its exciting and like I say - she's one of the good candidates.

Check out the ex-pat campaign site www.kiwivote.co.uk

C'mon Phoenix

Had a little karma moment yesterday. In the morning I happily rejoiced in Arsenal's loss to Mr Harrods' Fulham, sending off a text to a colleague to rub it in, only to have it blow up in my face last night with Phoenix putting on their worst performance yet, going down 4-2 to Melbourne.

I thought the Dominion caught it quite well, noting the similarities between almost every game last year:

An enterprising start, the concession of a goal against the run of play, vulnerability on the counter-attack, a mini-fight-back and a wonderful Shane Smeltz goal, but then a lapse at the back gifting a soft but well-taken goal.

It was pouring with rain as well so there was basically no walk-up crowd, meaning it was the worst turn out in the club's short history.

The season started well enough with the Phoenix making the Pre-Season Cup final (which desperately needs a new name), but the first two games in the A-League have been ordinary to say the least. Our defence at times resembled the shambolic amateur hour that was the White Ferns at the Olympics. The strategies just don't seem to make sense - when it was a fine evening they played a conservative game with long balls, yet last night when it was bucketing down on a water-logged pitch, they played a short quick passing game.

I dunno, but they need to get it together as soon as possible - otherwise more and more people will choose to stay away.

Like the Phantom Menace... only worse

I went to the new Star Wars film over the weekend. Stupidly I thought - it can't possibly be any worse than Attack of the Clones or the Phantom Menace... Oh how wrong I was.

While the animation kicked ass and a lot of the action sequences were great - the script was absolutely diabolical. It was sooo painfully lame - almost every line you rolled your eyes. I can't explain just how rubbish it was - it was like some sort of cruel and unusual torture, akin to having your finger nails removed.

From the very beginning it was doomed to failure - they replaced the scrolling yellow text with a daft voice-over - WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT?

Unbelievable new Jarjar-like comic elements such as Anakin's Padawan learner, Asoka, and the lame slapstick bits with the battle droids just made it even more horrific, but the nicknames they had for each other really took the cake ('Sky Guy' and 'Snips') causing widespread involuntary groans at regular intervals.

I would normally talk about the story - but forget it - we walked out after roughly 45-50 minutes.

George Lucas can not write and he should not be allowed to do anything but act as producer in future.

This was probably the worst film I have ever seen - right up there with Battlefield Earth.

Limpuc Gory

Couple of Limpuc Choob moments - the nasty nasty vid of the Hungarian weightlifter fucking himself up - and the always awesome Happy Tree Friends take on the Olympics.





My favourite Happy Tree Friends clip is here - Flippy flippin out!

Big dividends

Well buying the Freeview box just just paid off!

The mens RS:X boardsailing medal race just finished - and NZ's Tom Ashley stormed through to take the Gold. But since the race kicked off after 6pm NZ time, TV One were busy with the news and Close Up - so only those with Freeview were able to watch it live on the Olympic channel!

Its been just about the best games ever for New Zealand - including a bronze for cuzzy-bro of One Moment Caller - right up there with the golden days of Seoul and LA.

And we still have the finals of the BMX to come (how kick ass was that today??) - lets hope World number 1, Sarah Walker, can get up for gold there too!

The ceremonies

The stink over the Milli-Vanilli moment, the blue screen of death moment and the fake-fireworks have made the Beijing opening ceremony a little controversial.

So with the help of the You Choob, I thought we would take a wander down memory lane to less controversial times at previous opening ceremonies and take a look at the lighting of the cauldrons

1968 Mexico
1972 Munich - no sign of the opening on the choob
1976 Montreal
1984 Los Angeles (complete with John Williams doing the music)
1988 Seoul (one of my favourites - and the first Olympics I remember)
1992 Barcelona (the best cauldron lighting ever)
1996 Atlanta (the shittest one with a cauldron that looked like a carton of McDonalds fries)
2000 Sydney
2004 Athens

Why I love the interweb

I saw this on the Spare Room and just about messed myself at its awesomeness so I thought I better share.

It's the closest thing to a supernova you will ever see - Star Wars and Flashdance colliding. I just love the fact that someone has gone to so much trouble to make their Bobba Fett figure do Flashdance. Badass - I salute you!

Mandalorian Dance @ Yahoo! Video

Them again? Really?

Has anyone else noticed the very late 80s/early 90s look to TVNZs Olympic coverage?

Sure, Tony Veitch would have had a big role before he was found out - but still, they seem to dredge up the same tired old hacks every four years. Look at their frontline team - Geoff Bryan, Peter Williams, Keith Quinn, John McBeth and Peter Montgomery. I guarantee they were the nucleus of the team that presented the 1988 games in Seoul.

Yes, yes they're experienced and all that - but surely we could do better than this? All I have ever known is these boring grey old men mispronouncing names and dealing in cliches. Even just some of their other presenters would be better - Neil Waka? Bernadine Oliver Kerby? The grip? Camera Operator 1?

Mind you, on the flipside - what's with the two 10 year olds presenting Breakfast? I seriously don't think that the dude shaves.

Just a Bronze

Tuesdays is of course big quiz night at the Shepherds Arms and we finished Second equal before losing out in the tie-breaker (first tie-breaker we've lost!). With these its the closest answer (its always a number question - like how many people does Millenium Stadium hold?) and this week's question was in minutes and seconds how long was the album 'Faith' by George Michael? My initial guess was 58 minutes - but was over ruled by the team and we went with 42 minutes 27 seconds. Correct answer was 52 minutes something... if only they had listened, we would have another $25 in the bank.

But anyway we got 10/10's in two rounds - my big call on one paid huge dividends - there were pictures of sports team uniforms and you had to pick the team or country. And being the nerd that I am I can even remember them - Manu Samoa, New Jersey Devils, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Mariners, Juventus, Stormers, Leeds Rhinos, South Sydney Rabbitohs, Liverpool and Pakistan.

So for the two 10/10s we got $10 each and another $25 for third (should have been $50 for second!) which makes $45 for the night, taking our total to $785 for the year.

We got the Ponderous Puzzle on the second round too (where they give you clues each round) - For those in training for Thursday - see if you can get it on the first!
First round clues: I am a Film and I won 37 awards but no Oscars. Toni Collette turned down the lead role to do a stage show on Broadway.

Second round: Kate Winslet auditioned for the main role but didn't get it as she was thought to be 'too young'. My soundtrack included I'm Every Woman by Chaka Khan, All By Myself by Jamie O'Neal and Out of Reach by Gabrielle.

The second song gave it away - Bridget Jones' Diary.

Knight Rider

It was with quite a bit apprehension that I watched the tele-movie/pilot for the new series of Knight Rider - and unsurprisingly it was well-founded apprehension.

This time KITT is a badass Shelby Mustang - which can change colour through the nanotechnology (as you do) and its driven by Michael Knight's son - Mike Traceur.

The story is about the scientist who developed KITT and these bad dudes from a corrupt security agency who produce weapons and are doing dodgy stuff in Iraq (no silly not the US Government!) who try to capture him and his secret work (called Prometheus) so they can make their own KITT.

We were talking about this today - and we all agreed that it would it be hilarious to 'leak' some official looking documents to someone like Kedgeley or Locke from the Greens talking about this outrageous top secret US defense project called Prometheus and make up some bullshit about it being connected to Echelon and the Waihopai Base, just to see if they ask questions about it in the house! Imagine the response - yes I am aware of Prometheus as well as the Knight 2000 Trans-Am and Knight 3000 Mustang and of course David Hasselhoff. However the Government is not contributing any money to these projects.

Anyway back to the movie - there are some wicked bits with KITT - like coming out of C130 like it used to out of a truck - but the script is ridiculous and the plot was even worse. My favourite line had to be: "These are the most complex algorhythms I've ever seen!" ROFL! But hey, you don't watch Knight Rider for the story do you?

The Hoff pops his head in at the end - but someone who's star has clearly fallen even further is Val Kilmer - he does KITT's voice - Iceman and Top Secret are distant memories huh? You know you've hit rock bottom when you're doing voice work for a fuckin car!

How good were they?

Well a couple of weeks ago I nicely put my foot in it (as most of you know) when I was (drunkenly) talking (like the expert I am) about our medal hopes for the games when 'someone' said to look out for the Evers-Swindell twins taking Gold - and I mocked this saying something like - Ha! Bronze at best.... forgetting that the person I was talking to was an Olympic Rowing Bronze medalist... nice one! Thats right up there with inadvertently taking highly strung lesbians to an evening of stand up jokes about lesbians! But probably not as bad as my other recent faux-pas - I was giving a colleague from Christchurch shit for not being at work on a particular Friday - long weekend haha etc etc - she replied oh no I was shifting my husbands stuff out as he has left me. Brilliant, glad I brought it up.

Its been a great year. lol

But anyway - turns out he might have been on the money as the twins stormed back into contention last night qualifying directly for the final. Rowing on the whole seemed to go well - Waddell and Cohen turned it on in the last 1000m to come from a boat length behind to take it by a length, the twins were like some sort of possessed machine (in a good way - not like Terminator), Twigg looked strong and Drysdale was predictably dominant.

Also while we're on rowing - there was a great doco on TVNZ 7 last night about the 1984 rowing 8s, following their campaign start to finish - but don't worry I won't mock their fourth placing out of fear of offending anyone else! A cool thing I found was on the World Rowing website - results from all Olympic games with times etc - i find this sort of stuff fascinating.

Limpuc Games

I love the Olympics and on paper this is looking like a great games for New Zealand - world class rowing crews for africa, Valerie Vili in the shot put, Hayden Roulston in the cycling, Ben Fouhy in the kayaking, Sarah Walker in the BMX, Bevan Docherty in the triathlon and of course the reliable Barbara Kendall.

And this year TVNZ have upped their coverage with their usual coverage on TV1, a dedicated Olympic channel on Freeview and two other streaming online channels. Its a real shame they still drag out Keith Quinn and John McBeth every four years - I mean Murray Mexted may say some daft things, but at least he has a pulse. I love the way they felt there was a need to inform us that they were fireworks that were going off - yeah thanks Keith I think we can work that out.

But anyway I couldnt resist the pull and ended up buying a Freeview box today. Yes yes I already have Sky - but you can't get the extra Freeview channels (including the extra Olympic channel) on Sky! For our overseas readers - Freeview is based on the UK digital platform with the same name that the BBC run - its like Sky, but funnily enough free - but you do have to buy a set top box for around $200.

Its great though - took all of 10 minutes to set up (assuming you already have a Sky dish) and now I have the best of both worlds! Plus I know a few people who have been considering getting a box so I figure I can flog it off after the games if I stop using it.

Sometimes

Sometimes I do really, really, really, stupid things. Like unbelievably stupid.

Things like accepting daft bets for a weeks worth of coffees.

So over the next week/fortnight or so my 'exploratory committee' is going to examine whether or not this is even plausible. Going on tonight's effort - we have some work ahead of us.

You're wondering - what the fuck has he got himself into? Well you will never guess - and I will reveal all once preparations are a little more advanced... or I've chucked in the towel and bought the coffees.

Advancement in protecting personnel

Perhaps the Pentagon are getting their ideas from Crosby-Textor too? More Onion goodness.

I love the ticker tape at the bottom too - "Obama delivers speech dressed as deer to get attention of hunter demographic".



Also an alarming new study found that 78 per cent of Alzheimers patients said they did not have Alzheimers.

Stand up for the Phoenix

The Hobson St Posse pocketed another $100 towards the quiz night kitty tonight - taking our winnings over the $700 mark for the year. We have decided once we reach the $1000 mark we will all take a day off to get slaughtered down there!

But what was also great was that we got three tickets to the A-League Pre-Season Cup final which is of course in Wellington tomorrow night. While this Cup is largely meaningless - it is the first final of any kind for any New Zealand A-League or NSL side so people should get along and support the guys as they take on the Melbourne Victory. The Phoenix were unbeaten in the round-robin and last years shaky defence looks a lot tidier so things are shaping up for a good season.

Rugby analogies - gotta love em

Well what a difference a week makes... or should I say a conference makes. Has anyone else noticed what a shambles the tories have made of their conferences for two years running?

And its the shambolic conference that has offered up the perfect opportunity to attack. Its like that moment in early in the second half of the Bledisloe test the other night when Ma'a Nonu scored. Like the Nats election year conference, the Auckland test should have been a triumph for Australia - and with a Wallaby try before the break it looked like they were getting into their work again.

But from a Wallaby lineout Richie McCaw put pressure on halfback, Luke Burgess, with a huge tackle causing him to spill the ball forward - now instead of chest pumping and enjoying that play - the All Blacks scooped up the ball, spread it wide and a few scrappy phases later - Nonu scored in the corner. Knock-on's only ever matter if the opposition capitalise on them. Basically what I'm saying is that now is the time to strike against the Nats - while they're on the back foot and in disarray (plus I wanted to bring that game up again).

Which is a perfect opportunity for me to jot down the thoughts I've had on what Labour needs to do - as I promised in my much criticised pointing out of the obvious last week (too negative/defeatist/polls are unscientific (hmm begs the question - why does Labour so heavily rely on internal polling and focus groups??) etc etc). But anyway I think its too late now for strategies, billboards and TV ads - Labour needs fresh policy initiatives to take things up a notch.

I think there are two main reasons why Labour has been behind in the polls since early 2007 - people are tired of Clark and Cullen (especially the perceived arrogance of Cullen and his unwillingness to let people have tax cuts) and secondly the cost of living has shot up with dairy and petrol prices especially hurting people.

There is no question in my mind that the reshuffle was a missed opportunity - Cullen should have moved down the rankings and focussed on Attorney General and Treaty Negotiations - possibly even Justice and Goff should have been deputy and finance. But Labour now can't and won't do anything about the leadership team pairing, however, they can tackle the cost of living.

Cut and cap the excise tax on petrol to a set amount. As I understand it - the government currently takes a percentage of the cost of petrol in tax to pay for transport projects. In theory you would say -its fine, just leave it alone. But that policy was set when petrol cost 80 cents a litre and when you consider that not even a year ago petrol was around 50-60 cents cheaper - the government is taking in stacks of additional revenue as the price has gone up. So why not lower the dollar level of the tax level at a certain point - say where it was in dollar figures at Budget time in 2007? This would be a bold move and would piss the Greens off - but it would immediately reduce the pain workers are feeling in their hip pockets and further it would actually demonstrate that the government was aware people are hurting and is prepared to do something about it - which is all they're really asking for.

The Education Revolution. There needs to be some sort of bold future focussed policy to counter the Nats 'ambitious' (ie daft) FTTH policy and I think Education is a great front to attack on as the Nats will be weak with their private school/voucher agenda. I've said on here before that its through education and training, by upskilling the workforce that New Zealand's productivity and wages will improve. To be blunt having a low-skilled workforce is holding the country back and our education system frankly needs a kick up the arse to ensure we stop producing so many unskilled workers. The focus really needs to be on results and building up our skill base in the areas where we need workers - IT, accountancy, medical and legal. Personally I think we could even be so bold as to halve or even wipe student loans of those who study in those areas and then work in New Zealand for five years? Why not if it works? (On second thought they probably shouldn't steal Rudd's slogan though - even though it is better than Schools Plus - which sounded like a stationery retailer). A vision of a skilled workforce with high wages also needs to be painted - point out that its not because of broadband that Singapore and Hong Kong kick ass - its because of their high skill levels.

Knock waiting lists on the head by guaranteeing oldies won't wait longer than 6 months. Nothing hacks people off more than having loved ones sit on waiting lists - or worse die while on a waiting list. So Labour should step up and draw a line in the sand and guarantee that if you're over 60 you will have your surgery done within six months - or your treatment will be done by a private provider. As Tony Blair once said - the Labour value is getting people treated quickly and funded by the state - this achieves that.

I really do think its that simple for Labour now - these sorts of policies would provide the punch - or Nonu-esque try if you will - to allow it to actually front foot the solid container load of policy it has - KiwiRail, KiwiSaver, tax cuts, yadda yadda yadda.

Do I think Labour would do any of these things? Lol don't be silly - as we now know, even John Howard rejected the idea of reducing petrol tax. But I do hope there are some decent Aces (or set pieces - to keep the rugby thing going) tucked away.

Where did they find these people?

Has anyone else noticed the savvy-high-calibre individuals the electoral commission have out enrolling people to vote?

Until I saw their ashtray, I was wondering whether the two outside the ANZ on Lambton Quay were of 'no fixed abode' - I mean the matted hair? Really?

The guy with the van in Manners Mall looked like some sort of serial offender who was just waiting to nab someone and I was really surprised that Westfield's were allowing a couple of tattooed ex-cons to man the stall at Queensgate.

I'm hoping that this crack squad of go-getters is all part of some incredible strategy to reach out to people - but it does look like a tory-esque Make-Work scheme gone bad!

I wanted to believe

I checked out the X-Files: I want to believe tonight and thankfully it didn't have any of the god damn aliens that haunted the first film in 1998 - but it did feature the old school theme, which brought the memories flooding back.

But while it was great to see Mulder and Scully back on screen I felt it was just lacking something and frankly it felt more like an extended TV-film rather than a proper motion picture.

The story was ok - although I did have to laugh at its similarity to a particular episode of The League of Gentlemen. Basically the FBI call back Mulder, who is in hiding living conspicuously as Scully's lover while she works as a surgeon, after a psychic priest gets visions of where a missing FBI agent is.

Frankly you get a bit sick of the whole on again/off again nature of Mulder and Scully's relationship and Scully's willingness to go back - you just want them to suck it up and get on with it already.

It did make me wonder if the future of the X-Files could be a series of annual TV mini-series'?

Check it out if you're a fan from back in the day - but it basically is just a new extended episode.

Satisfaction

I've just got in from a bit of a boys night down at my old work place. It was fair to say I was tempting fate to spend the evening watching the Bledisloe Cup with a bunch of Australians on their territory.

But god damn - you can't match the satisfaction of a 39-10 victory. Naturally I was very sporting... ok I did start chanting - "Are you England? Are you England? Are You England in disguise?" But other than that... well ok there was the attempted flag raising.. but other than that I was a good sport.

Anyway it was a great fight back from the All Blacks tonight - one of the best performances I can remember - right up there with Wellington in 1996, Sydney in 2000, Paris in 2004, Wellington in 2005 and Lyon in 2006. Hopefully this will ease some of the pathetic-media's attention on Henry and put some heat on their golden boy. The only thing more satisfying than an amazing victory against all odds is being able to savour it with the enemy!

Freak show

I went to see the documentary, I Think We're Alone Now, last night at the film festival and holy shit it was incredible.

It follows Jeff Deane and Kelly McCormick who both stalk 80's pop icon Tiffany.

Deane suffers from Aspergers and therefore naturally lacks in social skills so you do feel a little harsh at times but you soon get over it as the dude is pure comedy gold. He's built a pyramid thing in his lounge which he connects with cords to a converted bike helmet (pictured) which has crystals on it to communicate with Tiffany... hmmm. Tiffany's Playboy shoot was also a personal message to Deane that she loves him.

He insists that he and Tiffany are in love with each other and that they have a strong friendship... yeah that and a restraining order after he once tried to 'gift' her a samurai sword.

In the end though he admitted that his relationship with Tiffany wouldn't work and turned his attention to Alyssa Milano after he realised that Milano had been travelling back in time to sabotage his relationships so they could one day be together.

McCormick takes it to a whole other level though. A hermaphrodite, McCormick has done her (apparently you can take your pick) hair loosely like Tiffany and has pictures of her on every wall - including the kitchen cupboards. You couldn't help but cringe at the poster she had on her wall of two women kissing with the labels on each saying 'Kelly' and 'Tiffany' egrhh but her running demonstration alone was almost worth the price of admission.

John and Bryan doing a Maister

An oldie but a goodie - John Clarke and Bryan Dawes

Thank you for choking

Barry Maister from the NZ Olympic Committee is in the wrong industry!

Just look at this beautiful bit of spin he fed to the Dominion today to allay the NZ athletes fears about the pollution in Beijing -

However, Maister said the pollution in the Chinese capital was not as bad as a smoggy night in Christchurch.
"I have run in Beijing and, while it looks yucky, it's not like the pollution in Christchurch, which makes your clothes smell. It's almost like fog, rather than pollution."

Imagine the money he could make working in the tobacco or weapons industry with lines like that!

Its fog not pollution - duh
.

More office politics

Election result margins

I thought I would put some historical perspective on the recent run of political polls. Labour's roughly somewhere between 15 and 20 points behind at the moment with National looking like they will govern alone.

So here are the results by total vote percentage for Labour and National at all the big landslides since the first Labour Government took office in 1935.

1935 - 9.2 per cent gap - Labour 46.1 National 32.9 (United and Reform combined)
1938 - 15.5 per cent gap - Labour 55.8 National 40.3
1951 - 8.2 per cent gap - Labour 45.8 National 54.0
1972 - 6.9 per cent gap - Labour 48.4 National 41.5
1975 - 8 per cent gap - Labour 39.6 National 47.6
1984 - 7.1 per cent gap - Labour 43.0 National 35.9
1990 - 12.7 per cent gap - Labour 35.1 National 47.8
1996 - 5.1 per cent gap - Labour 28.2 National 33.8
1999 - 8.2 per cent gap - Labour 38.7 National 30.5
2002 - 20.4 per cent gap - Labour 41.3 National 20.9

So the two biggest ever election margins between the two major parties were the second term wins for the first and fifth (current) Labour government's - 15.5 per cent in 1938 and 20.4 per cent in 2002. National's biggest ever win over Labour was in 1990 - a victory by 12.7 per cent. You will also note Labour has never gone below 28 per cent at an election. It really puts National's 2002 performance under Bill English into perspective huh?

It remains to be seen whether the current polling numbers will hold - but even with the gap closing slightly in three of the four most recent polls, Labour is looking down the barrel at a record margin. That's not tidy.

Tips for looking busy when you're not

Productivity - schmoductivity.

1. Complain constantly about the 'truckload of work' you have on or act exasperated when tasked (as though you're so busy you just don't know how much more you can handle)

2. Always carry a piece of paper, walk fast and look pissed off (people assume you're going somewhere to deal with something 'big')

3. Never tidy your desk - people assume a clear desk = not busy.

4. Email your friends and family - for all anyone knows you could be emailing someone about work.

5. If your screen isn't easily visible you can chat using apps like msn or Google Talk - people will assume you're typing something proper - hell why not start a blog? But remember to turn your sound down - everyone will recognise the message alert sounds. Also have lots of web browser windows open to provide camouflage for the chat windows.

6. If you wear glasses, get an old pair take off for a long lunch or coffee and leave the glasses on your keyboard - people will think you're 'around'. Leaving a suit jacket on the back of your chair is also a good idea.

7. Get involved and attend meetings - no better way to waste time than to talk about stuff - but not too involved. Be warned, this is a tightrope - the last thing you want is to be given work (See number 1 to avoid getting tasked). One tactic is to suggest things that clearly fall into someone else's area - so they get tasked while you look good for contributing solutions!

8. Email or leave voice mail for your boss and colleagues after 10pm - along the lines of "just had a thought on..." or "I've just been reading your paper on..."

9. Practice sleeping sitting up at home so you can sleep at your desk - you need to perfect this though - watch out for head slumping and drool. Wear headphones too - people will assume you're not responding because you can't hear over the music you're supposedly listening to. Be warned though - this only works if you have your back to your colleagues.

10. Complain about the state of the organisation and talk about what 'should' be happening if only the 'bosses' would listen. By doing this your colleagues will assume you're engaged and give a shit.

Too easy!

Be Kind Rewind

Just got back from Michel Gondry's (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) new film - Be Kind Rewind as part of the Film Festival.

Its the story of a video store where all the tapes get deleted so Mos Def and Jack Black's characters (Mike and Jessy) re-enact or 'swede' all the videos. It's like somewhere between Clerks and Hercules Returns. Like the latter its a bit slow to kick off but once they're into making the movies its an absolute crack up.

Their remakes of Ghostbusters and Robocop were hillarious as was Jack Black doing Jackie Chan in Rush Hour 2 but my favourite had to be 2001 A Space Odyssey when they re-did the circular space walk bit. You will get the idea from the trailer below. I wouldn't say its the greatest comedy but definitely a laugh and if you were into Hercules Returns, you will probably dig this.

Also if you haven't seen Hercules Returns there is a clip below (Testiculi and Labia flirting) - its a classic Aussie film



Hercules Returns Clip

Ok so it rules

Went to see the Dark Knight tonight - opening night of course - and it ruled.

Admittedly I had high expectations after Batman Begins and it definitely delivered. Ledger is outstanding as the Joker - doing the whole dark madness thing while still channelling the camp humourous elements of the comic book character. I love the way it didnt really try to give the Joker a back story or to explain him and how he continually chopped and changed the story of how his appearance developed.

The gadgets are awesome again - especially the new Bat-bike whatsit and the stunts Batman pulls off with it.

SPOILER AHEAD

What really grabbed me though was Harvey Dent. I had assumed that his transformation to Two Face would happen towards the end setting it up nicely for a third film. But no no - Two Face dominates the last act and his wince inducing appearance is just incredible and really does take this out of kids film territory.

So check it out - and if you're in Wellington, do what we did and buy your Reading tickets online and print them out!

The Questions

Sometimes you need to ask the big questions -

Why are the stairs at the back of the BNZ foodcourt so steep?

How do they get toothpaste to come out with the nice perfect stripes when its all mushed in there?

Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?

What is Meatloaf talking about when he said he 'would do anything for love, but I won't do that'?

Shouldn't you be doing some work?

What has happened to the Home and Away omnibus?? I had to flick between Agenda and Shortland St the other day - what the fuck is that about?

To make up for it - Frezned and co lip syncing the theme song

Comings and Goings

The Film Festival has finally kicked off and I went and saw The Hollow Men yesterday. Quite a good watch although it doesn't really add anything to the book. It was quite good to put names to faces though - I had no idea what Bryan Sinclair looked like - but some of the footage was odd to say the least - seemingly intrusive long camera lenses arent desirable (like Peter Keenan in his own home opening curtains and reading the paper etc).

Next up is Bigger Stronger Faster on Wednesday and then the King of Kong on Sunday - two dinners are meaning Im missing Diary of the Dead and Gonzo... argh

This article was a bit strange - wonder if it means I can get an iPhone?

The 20 Male Poses of Facebook

I have to say I'm guilty of some of these poses myself.

So so accurate - 2 bird, 1 blog has examples of the 20 poses guys use in their pics on the Facebook.

These include the "Just Hanging with my Bros" shot, the "high contrast photoshop" shot, "the wacky fun guy" shot. the "throwin a hand signal" shot and my favourite - the webcam or "future paedofile of America shot".

So funny - check it out here.

Peak Cyrus Crisis

The Institute for Sustainable Cyrus Use are calling it the "worst entertainment crisis humanity has faced".

Death Cab for Easy

I had heard good things about Death Cab for Cutie, especially since the release of their latest album, Narrow Stairs - all the cool kids seem to be listening to them. So when I saw a cheap copy in Real Groovy I grabbed it.

They've been around for a while but I had never really listened to them and bought this on the basis of a 30 second glance at a You Choob clip.

I have to say I was a little underwhelmed. I hate to say it, but it wasn't nearly as challenging or alternative as I was anticipating - in fact it wasn't at all. Narrow Stairs is just a little easy.

Sure, there are some good tracks - No Sunlight, Bixby Canyon Bridge and Grapevine Fires for example - but then there are other yawn inducing songs like Talking Bird which reminded me of fucking Coldplay.

So on the whole, I just found it a little bland - but if you're fan of easy listening dirge like Chris Martin, you may well find this 'edgy'.

The blues are still blue

Right, here it is your annual anniversary week Top 20. Ok so last year was a top 50, but this is more manageable - mind you in hindsight I suppose a top 28 may have made more sense.

20. Pulp, Common People
19. The Flaming Lips, Do You Realise?
18. The Beatles, Blackbird
17. Radiohead, Street Spirit (Fade Out)
16. The Smiths, How Soon is Now
15. Marvin Gaye, Lets Get it On
14. Sonic Youth, The Diamond Sea
13. Oasis, Live Forever
12. Nirvana, All Apologies
11. Radiohead, Creep

10. The Byrds, The Ballad of Easy Rider
9. Badly Drawn Boy, A Minor Incident
8. Oasis, Cigarettes and Alcohol
7. Marvin Gaye, What's Goin On
6. The Beatles, Two of Us
5. The Byrds, Eight Miles High
4. Aimee Mann, Wise Up
3. Radiohead, Pyramid Song
2. Nirvana, Smells Like Teen Spirit
1. Oasis, Supersonic

A glass and a half... at the Vic?

Yes I am moderately embarrassed that I know what the Vic is.

Anti Piracy

Video below from the IT Crowd taking the piss out of those anti video piracy ads.

It reminds of a joke I heard - those ads say 'you wouldn't steal a car' and no I wouldn't. But if I had a friend who had a car, and had the ability to make an exact copy of that car for free - I'm not gonna say no am I?

Enjoy

Post mortem

This is probably one for the weekend. Late last year the Liberal Party was of course smashed by a revitalised (if a little vacuous) Labor and in February this year the ABC's Four Corners show did a fantastic behind the scenes look at the final days of the Howard Government, aptly named Howard's End.

It featured in-depth interviews with all the key players - Costello, Downer, Hockey, Abbott, McLaughlan, Minchin and others. For political junkies this sort of honest assessment (albeit in hindsight) of the fall of one of the more powerful governments is nirvana. It covers everything from Howard's leadership, Costello's desires for the leadership, policy disasters (work choices, not signing Kyoto) and how everyone knows better.... now.

It's definitely worth a look, below is part one and below that are links to the other four parts. The official site is here and it feature the full length interviews



Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

I'll finish on a lighter note - that famous apology to the Aboriginal people by 'John Howard' in the lead up to the Sydney Olympics on The Games.
After watching the video -
Gina Riley: What do you think?
John Clarke: It's not the prime minister.
Gina Riley: He didn't say he was. He said he was John Howard speaking to you from Sydney, Australia.
John Clarke: That's John Howard, the actor.
Gina Riley: That's John Howard.
John Clarke: Everyone knows that's not the prime minister, don't they?
Gina Riley: Everyone in Australia knows that, but this is going overseas.
Enjoy

Some TV

Recently I have discovered a couple of new TV shows, which aren't even on the telly here (nobody says telly anymore do they?).

First up is Morel Orel from Adult Swim - like the other Adult Swim cartoons such as Harvey Birdman and Sealab 2051 its fantastic. Its old school stop motion annimation and follows Orel, a Christian kid growing up in Moralton, Statesota, as he learns moral lessons based on the other Commandments.

These include:
11. Thou shalt be ashamed of thy natural anatomy.
12. Thou shalt only have sex face-to-face, man on top.
13. Thou shalt not bastardize the American language.
14. Thou shalt always clean thy plate and not waste anything, whether thy stomach is full or not.

The Church sign is also great - has a different message each week, such as
Yes kids, we lied about Santa, but Jesus is real
Jesus died for your sins and had long hair so that you wouldn't.
All aboard the Censorship
The Holy Ghost: spooky or just a third wheel?

Along the way he becomes a junkie, masturbates over the neighbourhood women (mustn't waste it after all). If you can't download it the DVD is around and its worth checking out.

The other show I've been checking out is The Thick Of It - I hadn't heard of it but got lent a copy of the DVD. I was told its like a cross between The Office and Yes Minister - how could you possibly fail with that combination? But I think its more like a cross between Yes Minister and the excellent Australian current affairs show piss take, Frontline. The Thick Of It was created by Armando Ianucci, who produced and directed both Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge and of course I'm Alan Partridge.

It follows the UK Minister of Social Affairs, who cocks up almost every announcement only to be torn to shreds by Malcolm Tucker, the PM's shit-kicker/policy enforcer/H2. Its basically a political version of those painfully funny mockumentaries and definitely worth checking out.

100 bucks

Another outstanding performance from the Hobson St Posse tonight - first place in the Shepherd's Arms Quiz with a commanding seven point lead over second place in the end. The combination of politics, tv and cinema, music and sports rounds meant we were unstoppable!

in the process we also smashed our nemesis - Behind the Fridge (with members from a certain art gallery).

So we banked $75 bar tab for coming first and another $25 for getting the ponderous puzzle on the first clue (they give you a clue each round). This takes our total for the year well over $500 bar tab - very nice.

I'm not sick, but I'm not well

1. Vamos Rafa! What a game that was - finally Nadal beat Federer in a grand slam that wasn't in Paris. It was so enthralling that I actually missed the bus. Outside of Wii im normally not much of a tennis fan, but I have this odd thing where I always watch the Australian Open, Roland Garros and Wimbledon (dont care for the US Open).

2. More babies on the way - its the latest craze it seems.

3. Skins is back with a vengeance on C4 - its like This Life, but not cancelled after one season! Maxxie's school musical with the stalker was hilarious - Osama: The Musical.

4. Given lip syncing is all the rage, I thought I'd share this great one with you.

Office etiquette

And I thought my last employer was unreasonable...



Clip from Big Train

Shake your money maker

Got some odd looks in the office yesterday. One of my colleagues told me he is learning to play the seminal Black Crowe's track - She Talks to Angels - on his new axe (apparently you tune it funny to get the sound on the strum). So what else were we do than crack into it there and then? Fair to say we didn't get far beyond the "She never mentions the word addiction..." opening.

But anyway this caused me to do what is quickly becoming an annual event - re-listening to Shake Your Money Maker. When that album was released in 1990, Melody Maker called the Black Crowe's the most 'rock n roll' rock n roll band in the world today. I don't think they ever scaled those heights again and were quickly swamped by the Seattle/grunge invasion by Nirvana, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam - but still, in their day they rocked. Below is video of their kick ass cover of Otis Reading's Hard to Handle.

Hey little thing let me light your candle
cause mama I'm sure hard to handle now, yes I am.

Perspective

The video below was filmed by Vanity Fair for their August 08 edition. VF editor Graydon Carter challenged Christopher Hitchens to submit to waterboarding - the torture tactic apparently used by the US military and CIA at Guatanamo to 'simulate' drowning. His reaction is telling. I really suggest you watch it.



Hat tip to the Spare Room who had a link to this.

Painful media moments

First off, I think we all agree that the situation at Tiaho Primary School, with its flooding playground and sewerage over flows, is awful and should be fixed up. But that's not what this is about, oh no, this is about the painful example of how not to front the media this has provided.

On Close Up the other night, the aptly named Paul Burke stepped up for the Ministry of Education, before totally losing it. He started off solid enough, but when it became clear he was reading a prepared speech (most of which was never going to wash), it all began to go awry. So much so, that he actually ended up sitting there like a deer in headlights not saying anything - you couldn't help but cringe as he totally blew out on national TV. Now of course, the host that evening was the detestable Mr Hair and lip pout, but still, he wasn't being that brutal - my initial reaction was - OMG! what is he doing? just say something - anything!

Well anything other than "mrrrgghh neh". Here's a little transcript of the final (absolute media gold) part of the interview.

HOSKING (Host): Is this the worst school in the country by the way?
BURKE (Min of Ed): I haven't visited every school, but it is unusual to take this long.
HOSKING: Have you visited this one?
BURKE: No I haven't.
HOSKING: Might have paid you to go up the road and have a wee look? Walk through some of the sewerage? Climb the ladder with some blu-tack? Maybe?
BURKE: (Stares at camera in silence for what seems like an eternity in TV time)
HOSKING: No?
BURKE: mrrrgghh neh
HOSKING: Ok thanks for your time. That was Paul Burke, National Property Manager at the Ministry of Education.

You can just imagine the director in the control room latching on to the scent of blood - saying something like "he's losing it - keep that camera on him! Stay on him! Stay on him!". LOL.

We all sat around watching it over and over late today - and we started coming up with ideas for what he should have said - one of my colleagues suggested screaming 'banana', my idea was to make like John Clarke in the Games and reach for the ear piece (even if you don't have one) and pretend you couldn't hear what he said - "sorry? what was that?"

You can watch the full Close Up clip here - but unless you're really interested, I suggest you just skip to the last couple of minutes (its 10 mins long), when it goes pear shaped.

Ok so yeah you do feel sorry for him - but shit there is nothing funnier than TV going bad!

This rubbish has to stop

Is anyone else getting sick of all the Dark Knight/Heath Ledger rubbish the media have been peddling? The suggestion that his death had something to do with any film role is ridiculous.

The other day we had John Campbell doing his doomsday-deep-voice thing talking about Ledger's 'dark' portrayal of the Joker - insinuating that he was 'troubled'.... and therefore probably suicidal!?!?! Then we had the laughable articles on Stuff about how dark and frightening the role was - as well as todays gem (republished from the Sydney Morning Herald) with this genius quote - Much has been made of [Ledger's] difficulty in coming to terms with darkness of The Joker's character.

This is cynical media bollocks at its best. He died of an accidental overdose. By definition that means he didn't set out to kill himself - IT WASN'T SUICIDE. I don't care how dark his final film role was - he died as a result of a tragic accident and it just makes me sick how our daft media are trying push the line that a fuckin super hero film somehow pushed him over the edge.

Into the Wild bollocks

WARNING CONTAINS SPOILERS - I just watched Into the Wild - the true story of Chris McCandless, who upon graduating from University gave away his savings and went on an adventure - living wild.

Basically he was pissed with his parents and was determined to show he wasn't as preoccupied with money and possessions etc etc as they were and that he wasn't having a bar of their dysfunctional relationship. Now while you can admire the idea and spirit behind his actions - I think he was fundamentally selfish and incredibly irresponsible.

Sure he was making a point against his parents - but really would it have been so bad to at least call his sister to ease their worry? For two and a half years their son was missing - they had no idea where he was - or if he was safe or even alive.

After two years wandering around America he headed up to Alaska to live in the harsh wilderness. Now he had no experience in hunting and was totally unprepared - he even turned down a map and compass FFS! Given his lack of hunting skill he was only able to catch small game like birds etc (he did kill a moose - but had no clue how to preserve the meat) and slowly but surely he brought himself closer to death through malnutrition.

After 5 or so months in the wilderness he realised he was fucked, and tried to get out but the river he crossed on the way in had risen - so he couldn't get out. The stupidest thing is that if he had taken the proper map - he would have known there was a hand operated tramway crossing 400m downstream!

The movie also suggests that the berries he ate were toxic - but apparently his autopsy showed no signs of poison - he just plain starved.

He could have walked out - but instead he died of starvation. Apparently his body weighed only 67 pounds - 30 kilos roughly.

Naturally he has become something of a hero to fellow wanderers and apparently since this film came out people have been making the pilgrimage to the abandoned bus that McCandless lived and died in at Denali National Park in Alaska.

For my mind there is probably something to the speculation that he had some sort of mental illness (bipolar? Schizophrenia?) because he basically created a situation that would inevitably lead to his death - which you could even argue was suicide. Or he was just an arrogant little upstart who ultimately paid the price for his irresponsible actions.

Either way I don't think he should be held up as some sort of hero - sure his sentiments may have been worthy, but the way he went about it was plain dumb.