More Ukes

Just found this while pissing about on the interweb (its the information super highway).

Very funny - its the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain again, but I won't say what they're playing - when the base line kicks in you should get it.

Grand design dream home

This home in Bristol featured on Grand Designs last night - and it is almost my dream home - open double height living spaces with the sleeping areas upstairs at the rear of what is essentially a big box - or sugarcube as they called it!



I dont think the image quite does it justice - so check out the pics here (You should note the kitchen taps - they cost 1000 pounds!) or the video below

Questioning concierge

Having sorted out tickets today to one of the shows in the International Comedy Festival, I thought it might be worthwhile to check out some of the acts - and I discovered this gem. Its Neil Delamere of Ireland talking about robbing a bank and staying at the Hilton in Amsterdam - winding up concierge - "I'm sorry sir but we are unable to say who let the dogs out"

It's pretty funny stuff and making me think the ticket purchases might just work out! Check it out.

And I thought the buses were a hassle

Just got an email from an old colleague - you should be able to roughly guess where she's working. I'm yet to discover a 'red zone' in Wellington!

Definately not woollen jacket weather, especially with a couple of kilos in a huge kevlar heavy vest on (not made for breasts!).

Work is obscenely busy, but on the good side I get to go to all the meetings. And went to a really interesting meeting the other day (was the heir apparent to one of the biggest political and religious organisations) and we had the most amazing lunch - my plate was like a pyramid, I was stuffed to the brim and they kept on heaping on more and more food! And I don't think I've ever had better tasting roasted lamb before in my life! Anyway had to go and come back from the meeting through the red zone so it was pretty full-on loaded weapons huddled in a tin can army tank-vehicle packed with army boys, swerving around traffic and the entire time I was praying nothing was going to happen becuase I was so full I didn't know how I was going to run anywhere!

Leak confirms McCain will win

Diebold who make the voting machines for the US elections have accidentally leaked the result of the Presidential elections, although it has been noticed that an assassination hasn't been ruled out.


Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

More from the Onion's War for the White House here

Going where Cliff fears to tread

Latvia's Symphonic Orchestra of Liepaja owning - possibly the coolest orchestra ever

Feel free to air guitar along...



Hat tip

Don't make em like this anymore

Its cool how when you listen to old music, or watch old films like Wizard of Oz and you see all the subtle references. Yeah this isnt really one of those - Big Cliff with Wired for Sound. Its basically about the stereo - "I like small speakers, I like tall speakers" brilliant.

Power from the needle to the plastic
AM - FM I feel so ecstatic now
It's music I've found
And I'm Wired for Sound.

My favourite bit is the emotional spoken word at the end - But most of all I like LOUD speakers. That's what the Clash were talking about with Rock the Casbah!

Take it away C

Symonds Streaker Smackdown

Aussie batsman, Andrew Symonds, becoming an absolute legend - dropping his shoulder into a streaker - sending the prick flying!

Crucial moments

Tomorrow is probably the defining moment of Hillary Clinton's career - if she survives I think there is a good chance she will win the nomination - if not, well that's probably that.

But I was thinking that maybe we're fast approaching a similar point here. For some time I've maintained that if Labour can't consistently stay above 35 per cent support, its in trouble. Basically if Labour polls below 35 - it has no show, and if there are a run of such polls, it may be an indication that voters have hung up on the government - ala 1990 and 1999. If that's the case, and voters have switched off, then we could be looking at a repeat of 2002. That time voters switched off National, who blew out to only 21 per cent support, and looked for a partner for Labour that wasn't the Greens.

I'm not sure we're at such a crucial point quite yet, I think Labour still has cards to play, but we aren't far from that point and I only hope people are still listening when those cards are finally played.

More from Mr Kay

This cracked me up

There she was just a walkin down the street
Singing doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy do

Snapping her fingers and shuffling her feet
Singing doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy do

She looked Good, she looked fine

HOW? How did she look good? She were shuffling along clicking her fingers. How does that look good? How does that get you going? Load of bollocks.

Just visualise someone shuffling and clicking - he's right you'd look a right tard.

Peter Kay

I picked up a copy of one of Peter Kay's DVDs on my way through the airport tonight.

This clip is from the show - its about crime, from about halfway through he does a pisstake of a crime watch reenactment - sooo funny! Frank the shop assistant is just classic.



I loved this too - its my joke of the week
Q. How do you kill a clown?
A. Go for the jugular - it's qucikest

Matrix/Shaolin Table Tennis

This was on Nightline tonight - very funny

Poo nirvana

I didn't mention just how average our work toilets were when I talked about the 'other' bin. They clearly haven't had a lot done to them (other than the installation of redundant bins obviously) since the building was opened sometime in the mid or late 70s.

But what was worse was that I was under the impression that there wasn't a gents on our floor - and walked down two flights of stairs every time I wanted a waz. Turns out I was misled by our team PA.

Not only do we have a gents on our floor, but it's comparatively like some sort of nirvana. It's clean, the doors on the stalls actually stay shut, there's a shower, two ply paper, no 'other' bin and to top it off - Dove soap.

Although I'm fairly sure that I was once told that Dove test on animals - but hey I'm sure the track record of who ever the industrial chemical provider is on the floors below isn't that crash hot!

Finally

Well as you have probably noticed that, for various reasons, I haven't blogged for sometime. But I could not let the Oscars go by without comment, especially the Oscars that finally recognised my favourtite film makers.

This is probably the first time that the Oscars have actually reflected my opinions! No Country for Old Men is an incredible film - it's something like a mix between three Coen masterpieces - Millers Crossing, Blood Simple and Barton Fink.

It absolutely deserved recognition - as did Joel and Ethan Coen both for their direction and their typically stunning script.

The top gongs went as follows (bold ones are where Ive seen it and where its my pick)
Best Picture - No Country for Old Men
Best Director(s) - Joel and Ethan Coen (No Country for Old Men)
Best Actor - Daniel Day Lewis (There Will be Blood)
Best Actress - Marion Cotillard (La Vie En Rose)
Best Original Screenplay - Diablo Cody (Juno)
Best Adapted Screenplay - Joel and Ethan Coen (No Country for Old Men)
Best Supporting Actress - Tilda Swinton (Michael Clayton)
Best Supporting Actor - Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men)

What a great year for film huh?

Ok so maybe not Huckabee

Ah you have to love the futility of making projections don't you?

With Mitt Romney pulling out over night, McCain pretty much becomes the Republican nominee. However, an article I read in The New Republic suggests Huckabee might have an opponent to be McCain's running mate. Governor Charlie Crist of Florida got in behind McCain three days out from the Florida primary and turned an 11 point deficit into a 7 point lead.

McCain of course built on the momentum gained from Florida and is now effectively the candidate. So I guess we shouldn't be surprised if this favour is returned!

And who could argue with that anyway? Florida is a key state, and Crist was able to deliver it for McCain once, so chances are his name on the ticket wouldn't hurt.

Super Duper Waitangi Day

With some great timing this year - I managed to watch most of the coverage of Super Duper Tuesday as it just so happened to fall on Waitangi Day!

So what can we take out of it? Well initially it looked like a better night for Clinton than Obama (if only slightly) but actually in the cold light of the day after the night before it was actually slightly advantage-Obama. Not only did he win more States (14 out of the 22 on offer) he actually also picked up slightly more delegates (most Dem contests are proportional. Essentially first candidate to get to 2025 delegates will be the Democratic candidate (theyre both around the 800 mark.

On top of this, it has been revealed today that Hillary has had to stump up US5 million of her own money to keep her campaign going. Now you might think so what? But when you consider that in the last 24 hours Obama has raised US3million through his internet campaigning - its easy to see who really has momentum. In the last quarter Obama raised over 30 million, compared to 13 million by the Clinton campaign. Of course most of Obama's donations have come in the form of small amounts - millions of times over, where as Clinton has gathered from far fewer sources (including lobby groups) and with their caps on donations already maxed out - there is a question over where the money will come from now.

On the Republican side, McCain, while not quite home and hosed, he is now unquestionably in pole-position and Romney would pretty well need to win everything from here. I expect McCain will wrap it up in the next couple of weeks and I expect fellow nominee Mike Huckabee (who nicely spoiled Romney's party by winning a handful of states and splitting the conservative vote n other areas to give the win to McCain) to end up as McCain's running mate.

A McCain administration would be great news for New Zealand - he has a soft spot for us, and has been here a number of times. He's probably our best chance of an FTA with the US.

So one is neck and neck and the other is almost in the bag. For my mind, if McCain does pull it off, then Obama would be a better choice. It will be a real contrast of old Washington vs the new vibrant blood of Obama.

So my pick - McCain/Huckabee vs Obama/Bill Richardson (New Mexico Governor of Latino descent - Obama is weak amongst Latino voters).

Juno not Juneau

I just got back from watching new indie sleeper hit - Juno. It's the story of Juno MacGuff (Ellen Page - Hard Candy) a teenage girl that's up the proverbial duff to her boyfriend, Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera - Arrested Development/Superbad). As the title character Juno, Page is just hilarious - her delivery is fantastic and you can't help but love her offbeat style.

Affleck's squeeze - Jennifer Garner also puts in a decent turn with the always funny Jason Bateman as the childless couple that Juno is going to adopt her child out to.

At first I did wonder if the film had something of an agenda with its overly negative portrayal of an abortion clinic, but then it became obvious that like director, Jason Reitman's, previous effort, the excellent Thank You for Smoking, the film maker is taking the piss out of both sides.

The film is kind of like this year's Little Miss Sunshine or Sideways (although that was over-rated - if they were women it would have been dismissed as a chick flick) and I wouldnt be surprised if the writer, Diablo Cody, picked up the best original screenplay Oscar. Also there is a very good interview with Cody in the latest Aussie Empire - this is her first effort writing, and she wrote it while working as a stripper.

Also after growing up listening to early 90s grunge, I had a particular soft spot for the music. Belle and Sebastian popperd up a few times too. There's a great line where after listening to Sonic Youth on the recommendation of Bateman's character, Juno says "Oh I listened to more Sonic Youth. It sucks, it's just noise!" lol touche indeed. Although out of a crowd of 50 or so middle aged people and a few teenagers, I was the only one who laughed at the reference.

Anyway, if you got into Little Miss Sunshine, I think you will love this.

Question

Is new Black Cap, Jessie Ryder actually Craig McMillan 2.0?

And if he is - lets hope he's less hit and miss than the first one was.

UPDATE: Given the result last night and the lame way Ryder got himself out, I think the answer is YES HE IS.

What's 'other'?

Many of you will be aware of my odd fascination with the conveniences at work (like monitoring people going in and out at one to find out who the repeat skid offender was).

But there is something completely new I've discovered at my new work. There is a large rubbish bin adjacent to the paper towel dispenser that has "general" on it, but its the small wastepaper size bin right next to it that confused me. It was labelled "other rubbish".

WTF? Other?

I think im going to turn it into a compost bin...

At least it was eventful

I've had an odd couple of days. Firstly i started a new job, which is all very exciting - and my plan is to bus to work, but I thought for my first day I would drive so I get there all relaxed etc...

I knew my car was low on gas, but since the light had only just come on - I would be alright. However, I hadn't taken the angle of the road into account - and basically what petrol there was, was all down one end and in short the car wouldn't start. So I abandoned that plan and decided to take the bus... which I promptly missed. So anyway I decided it was best to head down to Willis St as there would be more options rather than waiting 25 minutes for the next one. The next two buses that passed the Willis St stop didn't stop as they were full... as you can imagine panic was beginning to creep in with irrational visions of not getting there on my first day till 10am. But no it worked out ok in the end. Although this morning I did have to embarrassingly call the State Roadside Rescue guys (for the first time) to come and give me 5 litres of petrol.

Last night though I went to the sevens first day. On my last day at my old job, after giving the boss stick about the Australian cricket team, I was given a Wallaby jersey. So since I was going with an Aussie (and three loud poms) I decided to wear the jersey, late in the evening I also kicked off a rendition of Waltzing Matilda - it was very odd, but we did manage to rark up some of the crowd.

One of the funniest moments was when one of the loud and predictably drunk (and married) brits tried to cop a feel of a woman in front - so lame and embarrassing - we were all almost in tears with laughter. The other high point was when we made one of the welsh players, who was doing an after match interview just in front of us (we were in the third row), smirk and turn around, when we started chanting "You're just a small town in England, small town in England". In conversation it also came up that one of the brits supported Derby County (who are currently bottom or second to bottom in the English Football premier league) so when the struggling English side were warming up in front of us, we started chanting "Are you Derby in disguise? Are you Derby in disguise?" which suitably wound him up - "We're going to avoid relegation..." lol yeah right.

So all in all, its been an eventful 24 hours.