Tips for looking busy when you're not

Productivity - schmoductivity.

1. Complain constantly about the 'truckload of work' you have on or act exasperated when tasked (as though you're so busy you just don't know how much more you can handle)

2. Always carry a piece of paper, walk fast and look pissed off (people assume you're going somewhere to deal with something 'big')

3. Never tidy your desk - people assume a clear desk = not busy.

4. Email your friends and family - for all anyone knows you could be emailing someone about work.

5. If your screen isn't easily visible you can chat using apps like msn or Google Talk - people will assume you're typing something proper - hell why not start a blog? But remember to turn your sound down - everyone will recognise the message alert sounds. Also have lots of web browser windows open to provide camouflage for the chat windows.

6. If you wear glasses, get an old pair take off for a long lunch or coffee and leave the glasses on your keyboard - people will think you're 'around'. Leaving a suit jacket on the back of your chair is also a good idea.

7. Get involved and attend meetings - no better way to waste time than to talk about stuff - but not too involved. Be warned, this is a tightrope - the last thing you want is to be given work (See number 1 to avoid getting tasked). One tactic is to suggest things that clearly fall into someone else's area - so they get tasked while you look good for contributing solutions!

8. Email or leave voice mail for your boss and colleagues after 10pm - along the lines of "just had a thought on..." or "I've just been reading your paper on..."

9. Practice sleeping sitting up at home so you can sleep at your desk - you need to perfect this though - watch out for head slumping and drool. Wear headphones too - people will assume you're not responding because you can't hear over the music you're supposedly listening to. Be warned though - this only works if you have your back to your colleagues.

10. Complain about the state of the organisation and talk about what 'should' be happening if only the 'bosses' would listen. By doing this your colleagues will assume you're engaged and give a shit.

Too easy!