Robots in disguise

I went and saw Transformers last night... it pretty much is the TFU film of the year. What is TFU you ask? The Fuckest Uppest - it kicked so much ass its not funny.

The action is awesome, its actually pretty funny and it has the same camp quality that Star Wars had.

Three guys had dressed up as Transformers in the audience too which kicked ass - the Optimus Prime and Megatron guys were pretty good - the third guy was the lesser known "dishwasher-box-with-tin-foil- around-the arms-a-tron" but good effort all the same... cant have been comfortable sitting for about 2 hours in a box though??

Its a real fan-boy film, anyone who ever played with Transformers will just love it - you should have heard the nervous squeals of excitement as the theatre lights dimmed (and that was just me!).

Oh and in answer to Trey Parker and Matt Stone's question in Team America, yes Pearl Harbour sucks, but this is why Michael Bay gets to keep on making movies.

John Clarke and the Games

Angus queried what exactly the TV show "The Games" was about, and given the star, John Clarke (better known to NZers as Fred Dagg and the voice of Wal in Footrot Flats) has just been awarded an honorary doctorate from Victoria University, I thought its probably the perfect time to mention the show.

Unfortunately I couldn't find any clips on You Tube, so ill just have to explain it. The Games was a mockumentary style show (three years before Gervais did it) supposedly following the bureaucrats organising the Sydney Olympics. It starred Palmerston North's John Clarke as the head of Liaison and Logistics, Bryan Dawes as the accountant and Gina Riley (Kim in Kath and Kim) as the Marketing head. Episodes focussed on things like why the 100m track was only 93m and that Bryan and John were able to set a world record while pissed.

The coolest bit about it though was that series 2 finished about a week before the actual Olympics began, with the finale featuring the cast standing in for the Seekers singing The Carnival is Over at the Closing ceremony.

Its probably the best Australian show ever.

The most controversial bit though was when they got the actor John Howard who has been on shows like All Saints and Always Greener, to apologise on behalf of Australia to the Aboriginal people - this of course was happening at the same time as people were calling on the PM to say 'sorry'. This of course was accompanied by the classic line -

John Clarke: that's not the Prime Minister

Gina Riley: he never said he was. He said he was John Howard

Full text of the apology here

Ryan Adams - Easy Tiger

Turns out that sometimes drugs are a really, really good idea.

Ive spent the morning listening to Ryan Adams' new album Easy Tiger. After two listens Im thinking its more like his Gold/Love is Hell works - very very good, but also maybe a little bit safe?

I was a big fan of his 2006 series of three albums in one year. In fact I would go as far as to say Jacksonville City Nights is probably my favourite album by him, but it was also the most difficult to get my head around. It is way more country than it is rock n roll, and till then my country roots has mostly consisted of the Byrds.

After listening to Jacksonville a lot recently I guess I was hoping for something along those lines again - that pushed the comfort boundaries a little. Im not sure that Easy Tiger does that.

Don't get me wrong I think its a very good album, and there are some stand out tracks - Halloweenhead, with his call for a "guitar solo" is fantastic. And there are moments that remind you of parts of 29 and the guitar work in Tears of Gold does draw on Jacksonville, but for me it mostly harks back to his earlier works.

This is probably an album that could have slotted in between Cold Roses and Love is Hell. Which is where the drugs come in. It turns out he was off is nut during the 2006 series - for all intents and purposes it sounds like he wasnt far from being a junky.

But this raises the question - do people make better music when they're out of their minds?

Canberra a go go!

Well finally here are the pics from Canberra

Ive started one of those Flickr things here

But fans of the Castle should recognise this place.... Its the vibe, its Mabo...

Go you good thing

To be honest when flicking between the All Blacks and Team NZ's first America's Cup race on Sunday morning I thought we were looking at another 5-0 loss.

But oh no - Team New Zealand has fought back and now lead 2-1 after what is being lauded as one of the greatest Cups ever - in that its a competition this time, with the last three cups being 5-0 routs.

Of course the Cup has a great history of close competition. In 1983 Australia II came from behind to win 4-3 over dirty Dennis Conner's Liberty - the first time it had been won by someone other than the US. In 1987 off Fremantle in Western Australia, NZ entered for the first time and somehow it captured the imagination of the whole country. That year we sailed KZ-7 - who could forget the huge spinaker sail emblazoned with the logo of the BNZ? Our boat that year was the first to be constructed from fibreglass - all the others were made of the conventional aluminium, leading Conner to quip - "why would you build a glass boat, unless you wanted to cheat." We lost the challenger series to Conner's Stars and Stripes who went on to win the cup for the US again.

In 1988 there was dumb NZ Challenge with the big boat (KZ-1) - essentially we got cocky, rocked up to New York and said "lets have a race with whatever boat you've got" - they pulled out a catamaran with Stars and Stripes livery - and we got smashed. This lead to more famous Conner quotes - "Im sailing a cat..... somebody else is sailing a dog" and of course the subtle press conference dig "Get off the stage losers, this is for winners". This whole debacle led to all sorts of court challenges which saw the cup awarded to New Zealand, and then given back to the US on appeal. This led to a new class of yachts being born - the International America's Cup Class, which is what we currently have.

In 1992 we challenged again, this time with a red boat - NZL20. Again we made the Louis Vuitton Challenger final, and after leading 3-1, our innovative bowsprit was deemed illegal - and we lost to Il Moro di Venezia of Italy. Il Moro went to lose in the America's Cup anyway to Bill Koch's America3 4-1. This all of course set it up for the Black Boat - NZL 32 to take the cup in crushing form in 1995, 5-0.

So anyway after intending this to be a short "hey we won again" post - ive managed to blah on about all the Cups I can remember!

Is one bovvered though?

The Lauren character from the Catherine Tate show winding the Queen up at the Royal Variety Show. "Who's minding the corgi's? She ain't even bovvered."

AFI 100 10th Anniversary

10 years ago the American Film Institute did their top 100 all time films (although it was actually released in 1998 - but lets not be picky).

You can get the whole shebang over at the AFI Site, but here is the 2007 top 10 (with their 1998 ranking in brackets) I have also noted whether they were nominated or won the Best Picture Oscar in their year and the film that won if top 10 film didnt in brackets.

1. CITIZEN KANE (1) - nominated for Best Picture 1941 (How Green Was My Valley)
2. THE GODFATHER (3) - Best Picture 1972
3. CASABLANCA (2) - Best Picture 1942
4. RAGING BULL (24) - nominated for Best Picture 1980 (Ordinary People)
5. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (10)
6. GONE WITH THE WIND - Best Picture 1939
7. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA (4) - Best Picture 1962
8. SCHINDLER'S LIST (8) - Best Picture 1993
9. VERTIGO (61)
10. THE WIZARD OF OZ (5) - nominated for Best Picture 1939 (Gone with the Wind)

The Graduate and On the Waterfront dropped off the top 10 from 98.

43 new films were eligible this time but only LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring at 50, Saving Private Ryan at 71, Titanic at 83 and The Sixth Sense at 89 made the cut. All the President's Men missed out last time but made it at 77 this time, as did The Shawshank Redemption at 72.

The only top 10 film I havent seen is Lawrence of Arabia - to the video store Robin!

Potential Potter spoilers

Some hacker clown apparently got hold of the final Harry Potter instalment.... now while its likely the guy is talking out his arse here is what he claims are the big twists etc

Snape kills Hagrid
Voldermort kills Hermione (who saves Ron)
Harry kills Voldermort
Draco is evil

Draco will have to pick things up substantially - up till now he's just been a dick.

Anyway there you have it. The publishers are saying its bollocks and personally I thought the much speculated Harry sacrificing himself to kill Voldemort would be better.. but hey I dont even read these books!

Poor little Gingers

Im back from a week in sunny Canberra. It was cold, wet and full of bureaucrats.... so not that different to Wellington. At some point I'll blog photos etc.

But for now to ease back into blogging - I got sent this article while I was away, and it was one of those things where as soon as you see it - you have to blog it. So here goes

And before the hadwringers amongst us get going - Yes bullying isnt a laughing matter - but these are gingers...

Headline from BBC News - Red-haired family forced to move (WARNING - there are images depicting Gingers at the linked site)

"The family also say they have endured their homes being daubed in graffiti. Mr Chapman said: "The abuse we get is unbelievable. It started more than three years ago, when the kids started getting bullied by lads over the colour of their hair. "They've been punched and kicked and thrown over a hedge."

Absolute bloody show stopper

The London Olympic organisers have unveiled their new logo for the games (pictured).

Already it has been likened to grafiti and a stylised swastika - which isnt far off huh?

But the best development has to be that they have had to pull all their flash animations and video from their website as the graphics will cause epileptics to fit!

Now granted epilepsy is no laughing matter, but think about the potential for the opening ceremony. Now that would grab the headlines.

Never thought id hear that

This happened a couple of days ago now, so its more quote-of-the-week than of the day, but anyway. This is what one of my colleagues said to me the other day - their words say it all.....

"Oh guess what, guess what.... This is soooo funny! I just have to tell you! I had a 'There's Something About Mary' moment this morning!"

Isn't that just lovely.

10 Crap Places

Ive just been reading a guide to the 50 Most Crap Places in Britain. Number 1 is Hull, Liverpool came in at 6. I thought it would make for a great tour of the UK to travel around the top 10 or 20, but it also got me thinking - what are the 10 crapest places in New Zealand.

So here goes, Ive only included places Ive been to and spent time in rather than places I just passed through

10. Wanganui (Shit hole, who would live in this god awful dump? The mayor is Michael Laws...)
9. Timaru (this was a close call with Greymouth, but even that has something to do - Timaru is the Hamilton of the south).
8. Invercargill (The best bit of Invercargill is the air bridge at the airport - they dont need it as only small planes go there!! Obviously such hope for the future? Cold wet and poos).
7. Masterton (not even its close proximity to Greytown and Martinborough can save it - smells like cabbage, ugly rural people).
6. Levin (to be fair if anyone else was making the list - it would be lower. It is kind of getting better - but its all relative. What the fuck is that statue of a chinese market gardner? Would anyone notice if they just didnt bother and closed for a few weeks?).
5. Whangarei (always fucking raining - apalling mess of a town filled with yokels)
4. Palmerston North (Just try to find something to do - only the windmills keep it from a lower ranking - used to have nice tree lined avenues....... they chopped those down).
3. Christchurch (why? why does it exist? Wellington has government depts and quangos, Auckland has business..... Christchurch has...........?)
2. Whakatane (absolute low point of 2005 was a whole day in this shit hole, made worse by the airport being a glorified skyline garage. You spend all your time willing White Island to erupt and end the pain.)
1. Hamilton (just try navigating this bollocks - it feels like its the size of Western Australia and there is litterally nothing there that you couldnt do elsewhere the epitome of the shit hole. A huge complex network of nothingness ).

Close - Auckland (proving that a million people can be wrong), Gisborne (as depressing as Whangarei), Hutt Valley (the lighthouse and Dowse save it), Stratford (Levin of the West), Foxton (the "fox-town of NZ"... if thats the best you've got...) .

Others that I just know are shit - but I havent been there or have just passed through; Gore, Dargaville, Te Awamutu, and Kaitaia.

How about them All Blacks eh?

Rugby's always a good topic when you're wanting to avoid other things isn't it?

So I thought I would look ahead to the World Cup and predict some upsets etc.

Pool A - in theory England and South Africa should finish on top, but I have a feeling Samoa could throw the proverbial cat amongst the pidgeons by beating England.

Poll B - Australia and Wales should qualify for the quarters, but who finishes first could be interesting - on current form my money would be on Wales.

Pool C - New Zealand will win easily. But Scotland v Italy could be interesting, historically you would have to back the Scots, but Italy did beat them earlier this year.

Pool D - The closest pool, and a pool that could fuck everything up properly for the hosts. France, Argentina and Ireland. On paper you would say Ireland and France, but bear in mind Argentina are ranked ahead of England now, and have beaten both teams in the last year. Could very well be any combination of the three. One of the three should have been in Pool C.

So say Italy qualify from C, England get up against Samoa, Wales beat Australia and Ireland and France go 1 and 2 in D the quarter finals will be...

Wales v England (or Samoa)
New Zealand v France
South Africa v Australia
Ireland v Italy

Lets say England keep it up and stumble to victory over Wales. NZ should beat France, South Africa should win, as should Ireland so it will be

England v New Zealand
South Africa v Ireland

So in theory a New Zealand v South Africa final. Which are the best teams at the moment. Simple.

I guess this also shows the potential implications for losses by Australia and England in the early rounds as that will determine who NZ plays later on (assuming we keep winning).

Business time

HBO have put video of the first episode of the Flight of the Conchords new show up on their site - doesnt air in the states till June 17, and god knows when here.

HBO Conchords site here

In the meantime das robots

One for the geeks

Let's fuck it up some more!

Jesus, God, No.

George Lucas has apparently hinted that there is going to another Star Wars film. There was a time when this would have been greeted with great excitement - more additions to the holy trilogy, but not since Jar Jar, Lucas and Anakin went about destroying my memories.

Anyway its going to be another prequel, this time telling the story of how the Jedi over came the Sith originally. Now on paper for Star Wars fans like myself that does sound mouth watering, however given that we have the knowledge that 90 per cent of the film will be cartoonish CGI, I expect it will be rubbish.

What is with Lucas - youre involved with two of the greatest trilogies of all time (Indy being the other one) why return years later to fuck them up? (Indy 4 is currently shooting).

What a shock!

Remember when these things didnt seem quite so contrived? Maybe Im getting a little more cynical as I get older, but Im sure there used to be a little more class to things like this.

Its the week after the "bold" budget and surprise surprise the Police announce that they are going to try and charge Taito Phillip Field with bribery. Now don't get me wrong, the media speculation suggests he's as guilty as sin but still, the timing does look a tad convenient.

At the very least this clears the way for Labour's new candidate in Mangere - running a campaign against Field could have got ugly and wasted a lot of resources. Most people think that Manukau City Councillor, Sua William Sio, will be said candidate and when Ive heard him speaking on radio he has sounded pretty good and by all accounts he has quite a following in the Samoan community.

I only hope we get to actually have a by-election as I think that could be just the kick up the ass thats needed.

Hey Mr Tamborine Man

Rock the casbah! Bob Dylan is coming to Wellington on August 10 this year, also playing gigs in Auckland and Chch.

Question has to be asked - why do only old men come to town these days?

Bowie, Stones, Elton.... now Dylan. I only hope Macca doesnt come - I would have to go but im not sure I could sit through two hours of his solo bollocks (although yes granted his last album was pretty good).

Scratch that

David Bain Day 08 is on hold!

Just read a pretty compelling post on good ol' KiwiBlog based on the comment someone named "Dave" posted on the site about David Bain.

As I feared, things may not be as simple as Karam would have us believe. Here's some key points

1. Why did Stephen (who put up a strong fight with his killer) have fibres from David's jersey under his finger nails?

2. Robin (Father) had a full bladder after sleeping all night - why not take a piss before your murderous rampage? Or more to the point there was a time lapse between the mother and three children being shot and Robin being shot - why not piss then, you would be busting?

3. David's bloody finger prints were found throughout the house on light switches and on the bo of detergent in the laundry, where David supposedly just washed his paper round clothes when he got back - why the blood then? Was it something like "Oh look my family's all dead, best get out of these clothes with newspaper marks on them"? hmmm.

4. David's gloves were used by the killer and found on the floor in Stephen's room. Why use gloves if you're going to kill yourself? And if you're big on gloves - why not use your own?

5. David's clothes including underwear were soaked in blood, apparently consistent with splatter from close range shootings. The only blood on Robin was his head wound.

6. Robin was shot through the top of the head. While this is possible as a method, why not take the easy option and shoot up through roof of the mouth? Being shot down through the head while kneeling is consistent with David shooting while he prayed (as he did everyday on his knees).

7. The gun was smeared after being wiped down, the only print on it was an old hunting print of David's. Why wipe the gun down if you're going to shoot yourself? And how do you wipe the gun down after you've shot yourself in the head?

Now im sure Karam could hit back with half a dozen things, but this does at least answer how the Police arrived at their charges, and does raise a load of questions.

He has served 13 years, and from memory was eligible for parole soon anyway, but this does make you think that maybe a new trial could be worth pursuing to decide once and for all.

Front row baby

With all the Bain stuff and todays budget I forgot to talk about Dylan Moran.

I went along to Dylan Moran's stand up show at the St James on Tuesday night. For those who don't know him by name, Moran is 'Bernard' from the excellent BBC series Black Books.

It turns out Bernard isnt so much a character, but rather he is Moran - which made for a very funny evening.

I particularly liked his bit about quiting his job like a toddler would saying - "Im quiting because I hate you, and I I I hate your stapler and stuff" while kind of waving a stuffed toy elephant behind your back awkwardly.

Also his bit about Invercargill - "There's nothing there! Even the cows are queueing up to throw themselves off the cliff that isnt even there!"

But the kickest arseist bit had to be our seats - front row centre! He was litterally like 2 metres from us. Fantastic.