Pain

What was I thinking? I shocked a few people when I bought the Wii roughly a year ago and shocked myself when I completed.. sorry I think the correct lingo is 'clocked' Lego Star Wars. But it still something of a stretch for me to grasp why I bought Wii Fit

Ok im being a little melodramatic - its not that bad - in fact its pretty good fun, but I am feeling it in my legs especially.

You look like a prick doing the stuff - more so than Wii Sports, but you also feel like you're getting a work out. You stand on a pad thing which measures your BMI and weight etc (you're out of your mind if you think I'm going there) - and it monitors your balance during the exercises and games. Useful bit of humiliation though - once its done your BMI it changes your Mii character so it reflects your (ok my) tubby bitch frame - yeah I kinda know what the situation is already, I'm not sure I need a cartoon to reinforce it.

There are four types of exercises - strength training, Yoga, balance games (ski slalom etc) and aerobics. Most of the aerobic stuff seemed a bit rubbish - like jogging with the Wii-mote in your hand - but the Hoola Hoop was great fun (ranks highly on the makes you look like a tool scale). Ski Jump and Ski Slalom are great - you have to get your balance right and then either rise from a squat position to a full (balanced) extension on the jump or shift your weight from side to side to move through the slalom course.

So anyway I guess I'll give it a whirl and see how we get on - but so far it does seem to have stuck a good balance between fun/games and getting a work out of it.

Environmental heresy?

The very excellent Wired Magazine is likely to cause a storm with its incendiary article on approaches to climate change in the latest issue.

It talks about how if we are serious about addressing global warming, then only one thing really matters - cutting carbon emissions. Wired argues that if we are to do that then we are going to have to make some big calls, cut out the bullshit basically and address the ‘inconvenient truths’ and possibly swallow some dead rats.

“Just one problem. Winning the war on global warming requires slaughtering some of environmentalism's sacred cows. We can afford to ignore neither the carbon-free electricity supplied by nuclear energy nor the transformational potential of genetic engineering. We need to take advantage of the energy efficiencies offered by urban density. We must accept that the world's fastest-growing economies won't forgo a higher standard of living in the name of climate science — and that, on the way up, countries like India and China might actually help devise the solutions the planet so desperately needs.”

“The planet is already heating up, and the point of no return may be only decades away. So combating greenhouse gases must be our top priority, even if that means embracing the unthinkable.”

The article lists 10 ‘heresies’ that would deliver cuts in global carbon emissions and make a real impact on climate change as follows:

1. Live in cities – Urban living is kinder to the planet than the suburban lifestyle. (Totally agree!)
2. Air conditioning is ok - Live in warmer places - Air-conditioning actually emits less C02 than heating. (Difficult in NZ and hard to ask people to up and move out of the South Island – but a good idea)
3. Organics are not the answer -Surprise! Conventional agriculture can be easier on the planet. (Agree! Organics are bollocks)
4. Farm the forests - Treat forests like crops - old-growth forests can actually contribute to global warming.
5. China is the solution, not the problem - The People's Republic leads the way in alternative-energy hardware – China is actually the number 1 manufacturer of solar panels. (Very good point)
6. Carbon Trading Doesn’t Work - Carbon Credits were a great idea, but the benefits are illusory – Kyoto will reduce the impact of Climate Change by 6.5 days. (I think we kind of knew this was window-dressing)
7. Accept Genetic Engineering - Superefficient Frankencrops could put a real dent in Greenhouse Gas emissions. (Totally agree! Science shouldn’t be something we fear)
8. Embrace Nuclear Power - Face it. Nukes are the most Climate-friendly industrial-scale form of energy. (Agree this is a good idea for large countries – but a country the size of NZ could never afford to build one – better off with other renewable sources)
9. Used cars – Not hybrids - Don't buy that new Prius! Test-drive a used car instead. (Totally agree!)
10. Prepare for the worst - Climate Change is inevitable. Get used to it.

I guess that famous Kennedy quote - if the price of peace is Nuclear war, then we'll be left with the taste of ashes in our mouths - comes to mind. But the article is right - if we leave the response up to the hand-wringers and do-gooders then little impact will be achieved on the actual goal of cutting carbon emissions. I suppose we have to ask ourselves - what price we are prepared to pay as a society to fight global warming?

One from the old school

Pulp's Common People from their cracking mid-90s album A Different Class. I always think this sums the Tories up quite nicely - they might think they can relate to people - but fundamentally they'll never know what its like to fall on hard times. Mind you I think you could argue some other parties are just as guilty of losing touch with the common people. But oh well - at the very least its a chance to watch one of my other all time favourite videos (watch out for Sadie Frost) and a reminder of how cool Jarvis Cocker is. Remember when he interrupted Michael Jackson's 1996 wannabe messiah performance at the Brit Awards? How cool was that?

Are you sure you want to live like common people,
you want to see whatever common people see,
you want to sleep with common people,
you want to sleep with common people, like me."
But she didn't understand,
she just smiled and held my hand.

Rent a flat above a shop,
cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool,
pretend you never went to school.
But still you'll never get it right,
cos when you're laid in bed at night,
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you call your Dad he could stop it all.

You'll never live like common people,
you'll never do what common people do,
you'll never fail like common people,
you'll never watch your life slide out of view,
and dance and drink and screw,
because there's nothing else to do.

Strange Film Festival coming back

Good news people! The Incredibly Strange Film Festival is back and will be in Wellington from 18 July through to August 3.

I really hope they bring back the overnight film marathon too - a whole night of back-to-back crazy fucked up films - there is nothing better!

The full programme hasn't been announced yet - but this disturbing look at Tiffany stalkers is going to be in it apparently.

Check out the trailer below for I Think We're Alone Now

The Gods Must Be Crazy

In case you hadn't see this - an un-contacted Brazilian tribe was discovered the other day. Imagine that, they've never had contact with any outsiders - they must have shit themselves - some huge object flies over with flashing lights.

This Boston paper has really big images of them so you can have a good gawk (nobody says Gawk anymore do they? - note to self use gawk more - bring it back). I wonder what the significance is of the different pigments... kind of reminds me of that bit in King Kong at the start (well by start I mean an hour in when they actually get to the island).

I do hope we leave them to it and don't try to bring democracy or TV to them. Mind you as one hillarious commenter said - throw them an empty Coke bottle! Classic.

Summer Heights High

I recently got put on to Summer Heights High, its the new series by Chris Lilley, the dude that brought us the very excellent We Can Be Heroes. This time the show follows the lives of two students - Ja'mie from We Can be Heroes and a new character Jonah Takalua as well as a Drama Teacher, Mr Gregson.

Unfortunately I havent seen it on our screens yet - but the DVD is around or you could be naughty and download it.

In the meantime, below is one of my favourite scenes - Mr Gregson using his drama skills to liven up the evacuation drills. Enjoy.

Look in your heart

In hindsight 1990 was actually a great year for cinema, but more so because of the films that were largely overlooked by the great unwashed... or should I say washed?

That year, the Coen Brothers released one of the greatest Gangster films of all time, Miller's Crossing. After Blood Simple, this was their first major noir piece and its as good today as it ever was. Gabriel Byrne stars as Ted Reagan a former lieutenant in Albert Finney's Irish mob who is playing both the major crime families in a non-descript prohibition era northern US city, off against each other. Like all good film noir films there are twists and turns for Africa and like all Coen films - the script is outstanding. But its the acting that really does it for me - Byrne and Finney are great but the man himself, John Turturro, steals the show.

Below is Turturro's show stopping scene where he begs for his life - so dark yet comic at the same time. I just love the line "Look in your heart. I'm praying to you! Look in your heart". Have a watch - and don't worry there are enough twists following this one that it doesnt give the game away!

500 Shake baby Shake

Well the FIAT 500 Bambina has just been re-released and much like the original - I think it looks really cool. But it also reminded me of one of my all time favourite videos and not to mention happy song - 500 shake baby shake by british band, Lush, from the glorious mid 90s. You wont be able to resist its power to make you smile. Enjoy.

The Big Costello

Turning across the Tasman for a second I thought I would make some bold predictions of what i think is going to happen in the post-Howard era for the Liberal Party. Now while many of us have delighted in the fall of Howard and his cronies the manner in which the Party was crushed and gone from being a political powerhouse to something that resembles post-Tsunami Myanmar has had loads of people talking about how the Liberals will rebuild themselves.

Following the election, former Treasurer and Howard heir apparent, Peter Costello, seemed destined to take over the Libs and try to rebuild them - but of course he didn't, and instead 'honourably' stepped aside to let a new breed through. The ever irritating former leader and Howard Foreign Minister, Alexander Downer, similarly went to the backbench and appeared to be positioning himself for a future tilt at the South Australian Premiership (which he probably wouldn't win anyway against Kiwi expat and incumbent - Mike Rann).

Former Defence Minister, Brendan Nelson, beat out the more popular and electable former Environment Minister, Malcolm Turnbull for the leadership and has only really succeeded in making matters worse by taking the Party to new polling lows.

Till now I, like many people, have thought that its just a matter of time before Turnbull comes in like the cavalry and rebuilds the Party like David Cameron in the UK and John Key in New Zealand. But of late I've been pondering what really might be happening - and its all about Costello and Downer and how it will be them and not Turnbull that take over.

The party is hugely divided along factional lines and for every step forward, it has been pushed back two steps by internal fighting, mainly driven by the Costello-Kroeger faction from Victoria. Costello knew the party was going to be in a mess post election, and knew he would be pissing in the wind if he tried taking on Rudd while he was riding his post election honeymoon wave - which is why he didnt take the leadership. He also knew Turnbull wouldnt get the numbers. So the previously inoffensive but not particularly capable Nelson would become leader with Turnbull as shadow Treasurer and Downer and Costello would appear to be heading towards honourable exits from the political landscape on the backbenches.

But I think that Costello and Downer planned this whole situation. They have actively worked against Nelson behind the scenes and have blocked any attempt to kickstart the Party and I think they have used him as collateral damage and set him up to take the worst of the post-election carnage. Costello didnt want to inherit a mess and he knew it was only going to get worse in the interim. Not only are Costello and Downer waiting for Nelson to crash and burn, but they're also setting him up to take the fall.

In time they will then unleash a campaign to further kill off Nelson and do enough damage Turnbull to ruin his chances of taking the leadership in the near future, which will then see the Party becoming 'desperate' and pleading for Costello and Downer to return and lead them to promise land. Turnbull will be so wounded that while he will probably mount a leadership bid, Costello and Downer will crush him and Costello will become leader and Rasputin himself, Downer, will become shadow Treasurer.

So I guess we'll watch this space, but I don't think the situation is as simple as I first thought and I predict that Costello and Downer will lead the Liberals into the next election.

Oooo that's good

Onion satire at its best - a 20 vehicle horrific road crash serves as a sad reminder of the loss of Princess Diana

".. spilling blood across the Paris-roadway-coloured highway"

As the wreckage from today's tragic crash continues to smolder, one can't help but think of the accident that took the life of the People's Princess.

Does Cricket have the answer?

I never thought I'd say or think this, but I think that Cricket may just have the answer for Rugby.

Rugby has this huge talent drain going on with All Blacks being snapped up like New Zealand's dairy and vino exports meaning we are in danger of being left with the proverbial dregs. But the new IPL 20/20 competition may have provided a template for the way forward.

We shouldn't fight players being able to go and make stupid amounts of money - so why not create an annual window where players can go and let their hair down and play footy in competition which, lets face it, doesn't matter but provides entertainment.

This would provide the entertainment element that the TV companies want, bring in the dosh as people will want to watch it while also allowing the players to cash in (like Brendan McCullum etc) and take the shackles and pressure off of the Super 14/Test rugby.

Essentially I would split the year into three windows - November-January run the private 20/20 competition up in Europe (or any other cash-cow location!) then mid March to late June run the Super 14 in the South and Heineken Cup in the North and then the final window - July-October will provide time for Test rugby - with proper tours each year as well as the Bledisloe. The Tri-Nations should be moved to be a biannual tournament running around the World Cup.

The World Cup would fit into September/October of the Test window every four years - and it should be cut down in terms of time - there is no reason why teams can't play mid week games, its ridiculous and just drags the whole thing out to the point that it just gets boring.

So basically what I'm saying is - bollocks to the tradition of provincial rugby - its time to think outside the square and actually try to breath life into a sport that looks like its on its last legs.

Not sure

Well I've now had a couple of days to ponder the Budget so I thought I'd reflect on what was probably the most important budget politically since 2005.

This time of course Dr Cullen, albeit reluctantly, offered the tax cuts that politically at least should have probably come 12-24 months ago. While the amounts involved will never satisfy the media and those people who are dark about Clark and Co anyway, it is about $40 a pay extra for me - which I will naturally blow on something important like an album or DVD no doubt... er i mean save - which can't really be sneezed at.

But the old school element in me has also pondered what could have been - the total cost of this package was over $10 billion over four years. Now granted there was overwhelming political demand for the cuts and if they hadn't been delivered, Cullen may as well have handed over the cheque book to English straight away, but I think its important to reflect on what else $10 billion could have bought the country had we not all been sucked into the Nats campaign saying this was the way to higher wages and having more money in the pocket.

$10 billion could have delivered free primary healthcare (doctors visits) to all New Zealanders. Or it could have wiped student debt. It could have delivered free early childhood education, taken care of school fees and no doubt still made a pretty decent dent in our national skills shortage.

Higher wages will be achieved when we increase productivity, up our education and skill levels, move our focus to innovative weightless exports and improve our infrastructure - not by cutting taxes (you only have to do that again and again and again - while inevitably cutting services meaning household costs rise further). I guess if the Government hadn't waited 9 years to change the thresholds there would have been less demand and this year's spending could have been a little more intelligent and we could have avoided playing a short-term move.

Time will tell if it gets Labour back in the game and arguably John (Guy Smiley) Key did more damage to his party than the cuts with his dire performance on Campbell Live and Close Up. It would be nice if our wonderful intellectual media "Political Editors" could spend less time drinking with him at the Matterhorn and more time noticing his inability to deliver a decent speech or anything that looks like a policy.

But hey, I may as well roll with it and start planning how I'm to spend my extra $40 a payday.

Knowledge was their treasure

Yeah we laughed too.

I went and saw Indiana Jones and the Skull or whatever it is. It's a good watch but naturally falls short of Raiders of the Lost Ark and my personal favourite - Temple of Doom.

The action sequences are great as you would expect and Harrison Ford is actually pretty convincing despite his years, but the story relies on you being willing to kind of go along with it in parts and some of the dialogue (note the title) was just corny.

Cate Blanchett was back to her rubbish best and was like something out of a panto and there was a weird nod to Marlon Brando in The Wild One with the entry of Shia LeBeouf's character.

But hey for what it is, it's pretty cool and worth checking out. I'd give it a solid 3/5 - not as great as the earlier ones, but not as rubbish as it could have been - its kind of like the Indy Revenge of the Sith.

You abide too??

We were having a fairly ordinary discussion on the political polls this morning following yesterdays Budget and I said something like - Yeah but Labour still need to get 10 points from somewhere - to which one of my colleagues replied: You want 10 points? Oh I can get you 10 points. There are ways.

I then gave a knowing nod, laughed and said: I can get you 10 points, you don't wanna know about it, believe me. There are ways. I can get you 10 points by 3 o'clock this afternoon.

As you can tell I had found a brother seamus and fellow fan of the Big Lebowski and so we spent the rest of the day quoting almost whole scenes. Classic.

For those who don't remember the bit - here is the actual quote from when the Dude and Walter cause a scene in the diner.

Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...

Iron Man redux

I went and saw Iron Man last night and I have to say, if you're a comic/superhero fan boy like myself then chances are you will dig this.

The action sequences are predictably wicked and there are strong turns from Robert Downey Jr and Jeff 'The Dude' Bridges. Jon Favreau's presence throughout confused me a tad- he was playing an assistant at Downey's company - and I figured surely he hasn't hit the hard times accepting background roles, he must pop up as a bad guy? Then I realised - duh he's the director!

But anyway basically its about a billionaire weapons manufacturer who get kidnapped in Afghanistan, so he builds a kick ass suit and turns himself into a hero. As you do.

The only problem I felt was that it took a little too long telling the story of him building the suit - yeah we know what he's doing - I don't need to see every prototype!!

Still its a good watch and going by the extra bit at the end of the credits it looks like we're going to get a sequel.

Oh and hopefully if the pics come through I'll be able to blog my fishing exploits from the weekend, tomorrow.

1990 revisited

Last week I was flicking through a college yearbook and it had a reference to a teacher going all 'anti-establishment' and showing early 90s uber teen-angst flick, Pump up the Volume, to his class. So I thought what better way to get over my hangover than to charge down to Aro Video and grab a copy.

The first time I saw it most of the lines were way over my head (given I was 11 at the time) but I can remember revisiting a year or so later and I loved it.

It stars Christian Slater (who else?) as a high school student who by day is a quiet bookish student but who runs an anarchistic pirate radio show by night using the pseudonym, Happy Harry Hard on. All goes well with a large cult following amongst the student body building until one of his listeners tops themselves and school staff try to shut it down.

Its funny in a way that so many of the issues that the film touches on are still relevant today - only nowadays Happy Harry would be running a blog or vlog. It's a good watch - plus it features a pretty sweet soundtrack, especially Harry's theme - Leonard Cohen's Everybody Knows.

I think I'm gonna have to break out Heathers next!

How can we sell some more merchandise?

Well the trailer is out for Star Wars: The Clone Wars - check it out yo

Too easy

You know I could start making sarky comments but when you've got a news day like today... it kind of speaks for itself.

First up is the age old lesson of living by the sword/dying by the sword... or in this case the lightsaber. To be fair to Lord Vader - they were asking for it - pesky rebel scum.

Second we have the fattest guy in the world who is planning to go walkabout... by walkabout he means be loaded by a forklift on to the back of the ute - but hey full credit to him he has lost 235kgs.

Thirdly (Stuff was on fire today) its none other than the friendly Hindu family from Mt Roskill who didnt realise painting a huge fuck off swastika on their roof would cause offence. Yeah I realise its a hindu symbol, and Hitler stole it and turned it and all that shit - but really? Is there nothing else you could use? And I'm not sure how you could miss World War II?

Fourth is poor little Fanta-pants himself, Mick Hucknall, getting all upset (i bet he went red in the face - they do that) about being called a Ginger - its as bad as racism says Hucknall. What amused me was his assertion that he's slept with "loads of women"... really? Did that actually happen Mick? If so, how many of them were gingas? The only women the article lists are Zeta-Jones and ex-Eastender, Martine McCutcheon - both brunettes, so is he in ginge-denial?

And finally, possibly the headline of the year from the BBC - Great tits cope well with warming. No more cold-fronts?

Best and Worst of Auckland

Well almost by default, Auckland Museum has been voted the best building in Auckland and the godawful Newton Comfort Inn has taken out the more competitive category of worst building.

The full list is on the press release on the Best and Worst website.

Auckland has been dogged by what is frankly crap architecture but I would differ slightly on my top 5.

The Museum almost has to be in there - its instantly recognisable as being part of Auckland. In terms of public buildings there are some shockers - but the TelstraClear Pacific Events Centre is stunning - not only is it functional combining an indoor stadium and a theatre but it looks fantastic with its design based on a fale. Another old building that I dig for many of the same reasons as the Museum is Auckland Grammar's main building.

Given Auckland is the centre of business it would probably be remiss to not include an office tower - but given they either have daft domes (ANZ and Metropolis) or they have a toilet seat lifting up (Vero Centre) there isn't a lot to choose from - but I still think that symbol of 80s largesse - the Fay Richwhite building is probably one of the most striking, so ill include that.

Two other buildings I also really dig are Britomart (how cool is that?) and also as twee as it may sound - the Sky Tower. When you look back at Auckland from the North Shore, the Tower really completes the picture and actually makes Auckland look like a city (from a distance) its almost like the finishing touch, and for that reason I would include it.

Twangers and Tack

You would not believe how badly I want/need a Jenna Bush commemorative wedding mug - I already have the Charles and Diana plate and Charles and Camilla beer mug, so I think a Jenna Bush mug would just top it off.

John Fothergill had a good line about Bush at the comedy show I went to a week or so back - "I thought George Bush was something that got caught between Zippy's teeth" and of course the Rainbow reference creates a perfect opportunity to share the infamous video of that episode.

One Man doing Three Movies in 60 minutes

How wicked does this look?? Its the One Man Star Wars show which hits Wellington this week as part of the comedy festival.

This guy rules - apparently he grew up only watching the holy trilogy so knows it off by heart. Kick ass. Its on all next week I think at Te Papa's soundings theatre.



Of course this is also a good time to share one of my favourite star wars vids - the James Earl Jones vader one

Tuatara a-go-go

Well frankly im off my face, so please excuse my typos.

I've spent the day on a tour of Tuatara Brewery at Waikanae - it was wicked. It is a small operation and to be honest isn't much more than a glorified skyline garage, but god they make a good drop. They had mixed up the kegs so the porter and the pilsener were coming out the wrong taps - but hey all it meant was that it forced you to try beers from outside your comfort zone.

All the beers we tasted were great - the 'IPA' or Indian Pale Ale (wtf is this with the acronyms - it's not Telecom??), the pilsener or the porter - and I have to say I was into all of them - and drunk an unhealthy amount of all of them too!.

But what impressed me most, was that this was essentially a couple of dudes doing what they love - Dion the brewer (pictured on the right) was fantastic - he essentially gave away his accounting career to become a master-brewer because that's what he wanted to do - what else can you ask? He was great value and incredibly insightful (which means I was too drunk to know what he said, but was interesting none-the-less).

So next time you head down to the Malthouse - or anywhere else that serves Tuatara - check it out!

Haptip to SOBA - who organised the day

The Big Show

Well while this may appear to be small-fry to those you read about going to see Chris Rock at Madison Square Garden on the Facebook (can you sense my jealousy? lol) - it was still a pretty good night.

We went to the Big Show as part of the international comedy festival up in Auckland. A lot of the jokes were toilet humour and a tad misogynist - lol which I normally dig - but we were with two lesbian couples, and its fair to say some of the jokes crashed and burned on their ears lol - but still.

The host Neil Delamere was outstanding - ruthlessly taking the piss out of those who arrived late - there was one guy 'Marty' who arrived with his tall-leggy-blonde "friend" - Delamere helpfully informed the blonde that Marty didnt just want to be friends, and was hoping to do sooo much more after the show but also that she was out of his league. But once he asked Marty about his occupation - party organiser - and how the recent birthday party he had organised for himself involved "cruising around clubs on K'rd" -Delamere quiped - "so you're a well dressed guy who organises parties and cruised around bars on his birthday... hmm I think the blonde woman is safe afterall isn't she Marty!?!!"

He also had a great line about Paul McCartney and how when he was doing the whole two-fingered peace hand signal to the media - he was actually just reminding them that he has two legs...

Jon Fothergill from Newcastle was last up and provided a pretty good line for the delivery room... when she's screaming, calling you the devil and a cunt - look what you've done to me etc - you could remind her that she did say no when you suggested the no-no and that its all really her own doing. He then followed that up by covering the three words men and women want to hear - for women its "I love you" for guys its "go on then" or "just the tip".

Kids these days

I saw a vid by these cats from Kerikeri a week or so back, when it was featured on You Tube and I've since been following their vlogs etc. They are basically a bunch of teenagers mucking about with a camera and iDVD and the main guy clearly has a knack for editing and direction. I was so impressed by their latest effort that I thought I would share it - the preparation and care that's gone into cutting this is pretty good.

It's 8 minutes long - and has obvious nods to the Blair Witch Project, but check it out - its worth a look and is a decent reminder that not all young people are tagging and stirring shit.



I particularly loved the "I just wanna eat, I'm so hungry!" line at the most inappropriate moment lol- genius!

Nosey

If you're anything like me, you will have been dying to be nosey and have a look inside the Shipping Container House down Ohiro Rd on the way to Owhiro Bay from Brooklyn.

Well now you don't have to get yourself arrested for breaking an entering - they have posted pics here

It actually looks way cooler than I even expected. For those of you not familiar with it - its basically three shipping containers, stacked to form a house - simple and cool!

Damn hippies

I got an invite in my letterbox tonight for an organic soup evening that one of my neighbours is organising. They're gonna have someone talk about their Community Supported Agriculture scheme in the Wairarapa... man.

Lol I know, I know - I shouldnt be so cynical, but FFS an organic soup evening?

Cashback!

Well after being robbed a couple of weeks back - we hit the big time at the Shepherd's Arms Quiz tonight, not only did we place, but we also won the bonus round jack pot - which is three extra questions at the end - if no one gets them all right, another $10 is added to the pot.

So for second place we won a $50 bar tab, for getting 10/10 on the TV/Cinema round we got another $10 tab, and for the jackpot - $220!! That's right baby a $280 bar tab for 2 hours work!

So what were the three bonus questions you ask?

1. In the last 10 years, who has won the most Hong Kong Sevens Rugby titles?
2. What human anatomical part features on the flag of the Isle of Man?
3. By what name is Terry Bollea better known?

If you are like the rest of those fools there tonight and said Fiji for the first one - you're wrong chump - the answers are England, Legs and (of course) Hulk Hogan. Yeah Baby.

How did I not think of that sooner?

After talking about what a ridiculous idea personalised plates were the other night, I think I may have thought of one that I might just get.

KAL EL was taken so it would have to be K4L EL or KAL 3L.



Now many of you will not get the reference... but those of you who do will be quickly realising what a closet nerd I really am, as of course Kal El was Superman's Kryptonian name (duh). But seriously - how cool would that be??? Ahh you know it!

Some people call it a Sling Blade

Well after watching the Big Lebowski again the other day, I thought I'd revisit some of my other favourite filims, starting with Billy Bob Thornton's powerhouse - Sling Blade.

I first watched Sling Blade in 2002 - six years after its release, following incredibly strong recommendations. Thornton not only stars in the inconic role of Karl Childers, but he also wrote and directed it, earning him the 1997 Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar and an acting nomination also.

The story begins with the scene below of Childers, now a grown man, about to be released from a psychiatric hospital where he has been since the age of 12 for the murder of his mother and her lover, telling his story to a college newspaper reporter. He later returns to his hometown and gets a job fixing lawnmowers at local garage. Karl befriends a young boy, Frank (Lucas Black in his best role) and is soon invited by Frank's mother, Linda, to move into the family's garage. As a strong connection builds between Karl and Frank and his mother, confrontation occurs with Linda's abusive and violent boyfriend Doyle (Country musician Dwight Yoakam). Ultimately it builds to a stunning climax that is hard not to be moved by.

Check out the video below - you get a pretty good idea of the intensity of Thornton's performance

Communication Breakdown

Just watched a Wolfmother track on Alt, and it reminded me of how much they can sound like Led Zep. So what better way to demonstrate this than to post a vid of Wolfmother covering Communication Breakdown - crank it!

New! Instant Messenger! It's the latest!

I really have nothing to add today other than that Facebook has possibly taken the cake now it has added a messenger chat whatsit. WTF? Don't we already have these?

I just don't get it, so I thought i'd share this video which Emma sent to me (on facebook FFS!) a month or so ago

Yacht Rock

I got put on to this by a rock n' roller mate (who just happens to be playing with Phoenix Foundation this weekend!)

very funny stuff -

Scoop Election Site

Just found this on Spare Room - Scoop has set up a dedicated Election 08 site.

Looks simple and good. All going well it should be a good source of analysis which is sadly lacking both in our lame mainstream media and blog echo-chambers.

Check it out

Blackbird Singing Abides

Recently I picked up a copy of "I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski" which is a book by fans of my favourite film, The Big Lebowski.

I always knew the film had a weird cult following, especially amongst University students, but I had no idea that there are annual Star Trek-esque conventions. The next LebowskiFest is being held in July in Louisville, Kentucky (obviously they got sick of California?), I think I should aim to get to one of these one day.

On the LebowskiFest website they sell some badass stuff too - quote T shirts and bumper stickers - all the best ones are there: "At least I'm Housebroken", "I can get you a toe", "This aggression will not stand, man" "It don't matter to the Jesus" etc etc.

If you aren't familiar with the film - its basically about the laziest man in Los Angeles (The Dude) and how he gets caught up in a case of mistaken identity, which leads to his rug (which really tied the room together) being pissed on, abduction, bowling, cars getting stolen, pederast latino creeps, toes getting cut off, an insane vietnam veteran, and Donny. It remains one of the Oscar winning (Fargo and No Country for Old Men) Coen Brothers best works, so I suggest you get hold of a copy, pour yourself a caucasian*, light yourself a J and sit back and check it out.

*Blackbird Singing's guide to making a Caucasian or White Russian.

You will need Kahlua, Vodka and Milk - basically pour in three equal parts of each ingredient and stir - i prefer a tad more Kahlua, so I add a little more of that than the Vodka.

Square One

Well I went and checked out the Suzuki Swift today, and I have to say I was definitely underwhelmed. It didn't seem to have any of the nifty interior touches of the Jazz, and just seemed to be lacking something.

So I guess the 206 might be hanging around a little bit longer!

And it's about time too!

You know some scientists are confronting the great battles of our time - finding cures for awful diseases etc... but not all of them.

Apparently some Austrian scientist has come up with a laser that can make a female fly act like a male fly. Brilliant.

I've been wondering when someone was going to do that. This has to be up there with the hairless kiwifruit and the seedless watermelon.

Worst trailer ever gets done

I recently went to see the excellent No Country for Old Men again and in the trailers was one for upcoming comic book remake - Iron Man. Now in general I am a fan of comic book related films, I think I'm one of the few people who thought Daredevil was wicked. But this just looks like rubbish - so much so, that the friend I was with (not naming any names... James) was literally belly-laughing out loud - causing the people in front of us to do that "sure it looks crap, but I think you're being a bit harsh" turn around and look.

But anyway - it turns out that they're actually going to make a feature length movie of this rubbish! Very funny video below.


Hat tip to the Onion

That's helpful

Well after struggling with the unique electrics of my Peugeot 206 for some time, we hit rock bottom this morning, when it just decided not to work.... at all.

The calendar and clock has reverted to french and 1999. Brilliant. Oh and did I mention that it didn't work.

So anyway at work today I said I'm going to get a new car and I got some really helpful suggestions, so helpful that I thought I would share...

First off - the car with the worst name ever - the Nissan Cedric



Hmmm maybe not - how about this - granny mobile, the Honda Jazz, yes I know they're good but it still looks like a granny-mobile.



But why stop there - how about an '80s BMW Convertible - "those are wicked"



This has to be the ultimate/most ridiculous idea. No prizes for guessing who came up with it. Its the International Trucks, MXT. Grrr - the US military have just given the contract Hummer had to International.



But no its likely to be a Suzuki Swift I think (kind of the polar opposite of the MXT!) - they look wicked. Mind you even when I said that, the useful ideas didn't stop - apparently I should get some fat black 17" rims and paint it mat-black - "how sick would that look??"

You don't see that every day on Aro St No.9

Well the bus company Go Wellington (Infratil hiding behind a friendly local name) really out did themselves today.

First of all neither the 8.10am (my regular) or the 8.30am Aro St bus turned up - meaning I had to walk to work in the rain... good start.

But on the way home tonight they really provided some entertainment. Halfway along Victoria St the bus changes lanes, and in the process today the driver cut off a motorcyclist, who honked his horn at the bus. Well the driver wasn't having a bar of that. When the motorcyclist pulled along side at the turn into Webb St, the bus driver opened the front door and gave him a spray. "Fuck you I indicated way back up the road. Fuck you. Fuck you, you fuckin cunt. Fuck you. I'll shoot ya. I'll blow your fucking head off, you fuckin cunt. Fuck you." The motorcyclist blowing kisses probably didn't help. Still an 8 on the fuck count is pretty decent.

Fair to say the bus clientele was either giggling nervously (clearly worrying whether they would reach their stop alive) or had their mouth wide open in shock. I was kind of somewhere between the two (also thinking god I can't wait to blog this!).

One woman's reaction was funny - she was giggling happily until he pulled out the C word - then it was pure shock. I think from now on I'm going to take huge offense whenever a woman uses the word 'dick' or 'cock'.

So uh yeah, Go Wellington!

Snippets

Well I was watching trash tv and surfing the intertube webpages and I thought id share.

First snippet - funny horse racing commentary


And second - its Snoop Dogg's Fatherhood with David Beckham teaching Snoop and the kids to play the football

Outsourcing childcare

An idea for some of those expectant and current parents amongst us

My ideas

Well I spent the weekend at Labour Congress - and given there was no new policy announced - I thought I'd throw my big ideas out there...

Up skilling
In short our manufacturing sector is buggered - we cannot and should not aim to compete with low wage economies on this basis. We need to become a high skill - high wage economy. This will be achieved by increasing productivity through education and innovation. There is no reason why we cannot produce 'weightless' exports in the form of IT, legal and accounting services. To do this, I think we need to seriously look at encouraging people into the degree courses that will enable us to have a large workforce with the right skill-set to be able to offer these services. Currently the government pays around 70 per cent of students course fees - as a start, why not pay the whole lot on IT and economic/accounting degrees?

Health
Primary Healthcare should absolutely continue to be the number 1 priority. I am a firm believer that if primary care is affordable, then people are more likely to go to the doctor - and get better sooner and not let illnesses get out of hand. Subsidies in this area should continue to rise - I'd like to see $20 doctors visits personally. But there is also unquestionably a need to address tertiary care elective surgeries. Dare I say it, I dig United's new policy for over 65s - it is a guarantee that you will have your surgery done within six months - or your treatment will be done by a private provider. Eventually this should become universal. As Tony Blair once said - the Labour value is getting people treated quickly and funded by the state - this achieves that.

Transport
Well I think at some point we are going to have to bite the bullet and build a highspeed rail network that will get our asses out of the planes. In the shorter term we need more public transport - if its safe, on time, reliable and cheap - people will use it and get the hell out of their cars. Transmission Gully is a rock solid waste of money - all it will do is encourage more cars into the central city - and we don't have enough carparks as it is - a better option would be to improve the rail service to the Kapiti coast and northern suburbs - it shouldn't take a fuckin hour to go to Pram!

Pumping on your Stereo

Supergrass are back with a new album - Diamond Hoo Ha, a reference to the two-piece act Gaz and Danny were (The Diamond Hoo Ha Men) while Bassist Mickey Quinn was recovering from his sleepwalking incident (fell out a window).

Anyway, in their day Supergrass were fantastic - their first three albums were all great and then I kinda lost touch with them. Their gig during 2000 Vic Orientation was outstanding - they also did an acoustic set outside what was then Tower Music in Cuba Mall - it was great. I can remember visiting a mates hostel weeks after the show, hearing someone singing the Ah-Ya-Ya bit from Mary off their self titled album, in the hostel atrium.

But anyway below is video of the Diamond Hoo Ha Men covering Beat It - its great when the crowd realises what the riff is that Gaz is playing at the beginning.

Sweet baby Jesus and the orphans!

Well after recently going on about how funny Peter Kay is, I bought a copy of series 1 and 2 of his first tv series - Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights off t'nternet.

The show is about the happenings at the Phoenix Club in Bolton - which is kind of like the Levin Cosmopolitan or "Cossie" Club... in fact its exactly like the Cossie Club.

Below is video from when they try to hold a Stars in your Eyes evening at the club - kind of captures the Club perfectly. Watch out for the Slim Shady - please stand up bit - hilarious.



My favourite quote from the series has to be this - Brian the wheelchair bound club owner inspiring the team by saying what sort of things the club could offer:
Garlic bread! That's right - Garlic Bread. It's the future - I've tasted it!

Who comes up with this crap?

The Victorian State Govt is apparently going to invest A$220 million to create a theme park outside Melbourne.

A. Does it really need it? Isn't the city already a pretty good attraction in itself?

and B. Why ruin the already fantastic Werribee Open Range Zoo by turning it into Dreamworld 2.0?

I think this could largely destroy what is a great attraction. If you get the chance, you should check it out before the bulldozers move in and while you're out there - visit the Shadowfax winery. I had one of the best glasses of red I've ever had there. The Lord of the Rings reference to the king of horses in the name, is a nod to the state equestrian centre next door.

Cashback

Well this week Borders had 40% off all CDs (if you get their emails), so I decided to pick up a few albums that id been thinking about getting for a while.

It was actually harder than you would think though, as Borders has a limited range and the way they stock their merchandise makes browsing super difficult.

But anyway I picked up the soundtrack to Control (the movie about Joy Division) which has some killer tracks by the er... Killers, Velvet Goldmine, Buzzcocks and of course it has a healthy dose of Joy Division and New Order. I also picked up Kate Bush's Whole Story best of - I've been meaning to listen to her for sometime, I had a colleague who constantly thrashed Kate Bush and Tori Amos, so I've found I already know most of this album!

But the standout was the Kaiser Chiefs last album Yours Truly, Angry Mob - Im absolutely loving it.

There are some awesome tracks - The Angry Mob and Ruby are great and ive included the Ruby video below. I did try to find the track, Highroyds, as the opening of it reminded me of the opening theme song of the Goodies.

The other album I looked at buying was Amy Winehouse's - but its now a double disc special edition whatsit - so didn't qualify for the sale. One to look out for is Wolfmother - I had a listen to their album and its pretty good, prettay prettay prettay good - and not at all the soft-rammstein I was expecting.

Anyway I'm off to the best barber in Wellington now - Groom on Tinakori Rd. Only problem is that I didnt watch the footy last night - so I'm gonna be behind the eight ball when he starts talking!

Here is the Kaiser Chiefs performing Ruby - (yes I was doing a Jools Holland thing there)

We was robbed

Well we put in a a hugely dominant performance at our regular Shepherds Arms Pub Quiz tonight - winning by a commanding 7 points, which included three rounds where we got 10/10...

Well almost three. The first round (pick which company the logo belongs to) we were given 9/10 - after we only put 'Candida', instead of 'Candida Stationery' (for the pictured symbol - obviously the wording wasn't on it!). Apparently we are splitting hairs.

But it got much worse - they allowed us to win, but we couldn't collect the $75 bar tab for winning as we had seven people at our table instead of six. Argh nevermind, we would boycott it in protest but it is a good quiz and a great pub so we'll forgive them!

Mish won't be happy

I had my first session with Mish, our office personal trainer - she basically comes around once every couple of weeks to guilt you off the curry and pies. Anyway apparently I drink too much coffee (that's the least of my worries, flower).

So Mish won't be too chipper to find out that the new Chew's Lane precinct has opened opposite work, with what looks like the highest ratio of coffee houses per square metre in New Zealand.

Chew's Lane looks like one of those great new developments they have down in Chch and I think it will bring that area alive.

There's one cafe that looks quite cool, called Gotham. To the Barista, Robin!

Rambo rocks

Just got back from Rambo in the Deluxe lounge at Sky City. First of all they have down-classed what was the Gold Class lounge to a "deluxe lounge" basically, you don't get free coke and popcorn and you can't put your feet up.

But anyway, if you like Commando (yes one of the all time greats - "let off some steam Bennett") or for that matter the original Rambo films, you'll love this.

It's absolutely, fantastic, utter tat.

I would try to give you an idea of the story, but really? Do you need me to say? He goes in to save some god botherers, blows shit up - and fuckin owns the whole Burmese militia in the process. Shitang.

Expanding Askewniverse

Straight from the set of Kevin Smith’s brand spanking new film - Zack and Miri Make a Porno - comes a decidedly NSFW cautionary tale about just what it takes to get ahead in Hollywood… Their own version of the Sarah Silver/Jimmy Kimmel and Damon/Affleck thing.

Zack and Miri is due for release in October and will star current 'it' comedian - Seth Rogen (40 year old virgin, Superbad, Knocked Up etc), Elizabeth Banks, and View Askew regulars, Jason Mewes (Jay) and Jeff Anderson (Randal from Clerks). Can't wait!

Fk it lets go to Rambo

Well last night I went along with great anticipation to Todd Haynes' Bob Dylan biopic - I'm Not There and was frankly a tad disappointed.

This film was always going to walk a bit of a tight-rope, with six different actors interpreting different parts of his life and with it employing quite avant garde elements.

There were some amazing bits, Cate Blanchett was outstanding and largely stole the show, as was Christian Bale in his smaller but just as impressive part. The young black kid who played the young Dylan was fantastic also.

Also look out for Julianne Moore and Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon, hamming it up as 1960s folk singers

But I felt the Heath Ledger part was a little over done - Haynes seemed to be saying the same things about the breakdown of Dylan's relationship over and over - even though you got it the first time, which meant at times it dragged with the script feeling laboured. The weakest part (and probably the most open to criticism) in my opinion was the Richard Gere finale. It was like some Fellini circus or circa 1996 Smashing Pumpkins music video and just seemed a little over indulgent - if not barring on pretentious.

But anyway its a good watch all the same - just avoid uncomfortable 1970s issue seats at the back of the Paramount Cinema if you watch it - as it is on the long side.

In other news some tickets I gave away to Sky City's Gold Lounge as a prize have come full circle - but the only problem is that their current line up is a little, well, rubbish - so as we said yesterday - Fuck it lets go to Rambo! (I wonder if there will be giraffes and people with white face paint wandering about ala the Gere sequence?... hmmm maybe not).

Helvetica

The annual international cinema showcase is on again at the Paramount. This is the smaller and (imho) often better precursor to the larger International Film Festival in June.

Today I checked out Helvetica, which was a movie all about the typeface, modernism and well design in general.

Of course its the simplicity of helvetica that makes it so great and is the reason why it is almost invisible today. So invisible in fact that I hadn't even noticed that the Wilco hoody I was wearing (and that I bought at their kick ass gig!) also used the font! As one of the interviewees said - its almost like noticing and having an opinion on off-white paint.

Its definitely worth a watch if you're interested in design... or fonts.

Anyway tonight is the Bob Dylan film - I'm Not There - can't wait!

Wailing like its 1998

I've just got back from one of the best gigs I think I've been to - Wilco at the Opera House.

Jeff Tweedy was naturally impressive on the mic, but the musicianship of the whole band is what really caught me. The lead guitarist, Nels Cline, was just incredible - I haven't seen someone wail and own their guitar like that since Jonny Greenwood in 1998. Below is video from another Wilco gig of Cline wailing during Impossible Germany - sound isn't great but you get the idea eh.



Impossible Germany was wicked as was I am Trying to Break Your Heart, Jesus Etc, Walken, You Are My Face and Side with the Seeds, but one of the highlights had to be Tweedy's interaction with the crowd.

He asked whether or not it was a NZ custom to wear black-heavy metal t-shirts on Easter Monday (in reference to the Ozzy/Kiss/Alice Cooper/Poison etc stadium show) and later one of the keyboardists/guitarists and Tweedy both did impressions of Ozzy - shuffling around the stage. Also both keyboardists and the drummer stood up - glam rock style with their arms raised before Heavy Metal Drummer.

It was a great show with some incredible performances. If you get the chance to see them live - I fully recommend it.

Tulibu dibu douchoo

This video has cracked me up over the last couple of days. Its from Bulgarian Idol - a woman pretty much trying to sing Mariah Carey's Without You phonetically. I've watched it about 10 ten times- and I dont know what it is - but it makes me laugh... lots.



Hat tip to diana again

Party like its 1996

The best thing about purchasing a new ipod (no I didnt go touch - I went for capacity - 80gb for $360 - bargain) and catching the bus is that you get to re-re-rediscover old albums.

I re-stumbled across Sleeper today. They never really made it to NZ, but were big in the UK and I discovered them after buying their first album - Smart on a whim after reading about their new album at the time - The It Girl - in Melody Maker and loved it. So after refinding I thought id share one of my all time favourite music videos - Nice Guy Eddie from The It Girl. When I get around to building that extension - I think im gonna have a room filled with lights.

So get ready to party like its 1996

An oldie but a goodie

I've always thought someone should have done an N is for National, N is for Nits campaign based on this gem from Harry Enfield - remember people their policies may look ok, but once you look closer at their head - L is for Labour, L is for Lice.

What better way to kick off the election year than to run a fear campaign? Remember N is for Nits

Pretty disappointing

Well the Environment Court has upheld the complaints of the anti-waterfront development crowd and revoked permission for the 5 star Hilton Hotel that was proposed for the outer T at Queens Wharf.

I was all for this as Wellington is crying out for a decent Hotel at this level (Duxton is a shambles - only leaving the Intercontinental which is only ok). With our burgeoning film industry you need these sorts of things! But also because it would have made better use of the space than the current grey inward-looking Shed which is used for Indoor Sports. Indoor Sports are an important part of the inner city - but it doesn't need to be on a prime waterfront spot!

Now the anti crowd will say it should be a park or such like, but I disagree. Parks are also important, but we have Frank Kitts, the Plaza spaces around Kumutoto, Odlins Plaza and Waitangi Park and it should be remembered that these places are 90 per cent empty, 90 per cent of the time.

The Hilton project could have been used to introduce new cafes and bars - like the ever popular Shed 5 etc, provided stunning conference spaces and actually brought more people to the area.

But oh well.

Things that make you go hmmm

... or dry reach. Here are a couple of items that will probably churn your stomach - now don't be soft and make sure you watch that whole video too.

A golden airport experience, and

She's wrong this isn't quite as bad as 2 girls 1 cup

mmm tasty...

More Ukes

Just found this while pissing about on the interweb (its the information super highway).

Very funny - its the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain again, but I won't say what they're playing - when the base line kicks in you should get it.

Grand design dream home

This home in Bristol featured on Grand Designs last night - and it is almost my dream home - open double height living spaces with the sleeping areas upstairs at the rear of what is essentially a big box - or sugarcube as they called it!



I dont think the image quite does it justice - so check out the pics here (You should note the kitchen taps - they cost 1000 pounds!) or the video below

Questioning concierge

Having sorted out tickets today to one of the shows in the International Comedy Festival, I thought it might be worthwhile to check out some of the acts - and I discovered this gem. Its Neil Delamere of Ireland talking about robbing a bank and staying at the Hilton in Amsterdam - winding up concierge - "I'm sorry sir but we are unable to say who let the dogs out"

It's pretty funny stuff and making me think the ticket purchases might just work out! Check it out.

And I thought the buses were a hassle

Just got an email from an old colleague - you should be able to roughly guess where she's working. I'm yet to discover a 'red zone' in Wellington!

Definately not woollen jacket weather, especially with a couple of kilos in a huge kevlar heavy vest on (not made for breasts!).

Work is obscenely busy, but on the good side I get to go to all the meetings. And went to a really interesting meeting the other day (was the heir apparent to one of the biggest political and religious organisations) and we had the most amazing lunch - my plate was like a pyramid, I was stuffed to the brim and they kept on heaping on more and more food! And I don't think I've ever had better tasting roasted lamb before in my life! Anyway had to go and come back from the meeting through the red zone so it was pretty full-on loaded weapons huddled in a tin can army tank-vehicle packed with army boys, swerving around traffic and the entire time I was praying nothing was going to happen becuase I was so full I didn't know how I was going to run anywhere!

Leak confirms McCain will win

Diebold who make the voting machines for the US elections have accidentally leaked the result of the Presidential elections, although it has been noticed that an assassination hasn't been ruled out.


Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

More from the Onion's War for the White House here

Going where Cliff fears to tread

Latvia's Symphonic Orchestra of Liepaja owning - possibly the coolest orchestra ever

Feel free to air guitar along...



Hat tip

Don't make em like this anymore

Its cool how when you listen to old music, or watch old films like Wizard of Oz and you see all the subtle references. Yeah this isnt really one of those - Big Cliff with Wired for Sound. Its basically about the stereo - "I like small speakers, I like tall speakers" brilliant.

Power from the needle to the plastic
AM - FM I feel so ecstatic now
It's music I've found
And I'm Wired for Sound.

My favourite bit is the emotional spoken word at the end - But most of all I like LOUD speakers. That's what the Clash were talking about with Rock the Casbah!

Take it away C

Symonds Streaker Smackdown

Aussie batsman, Andrew Symonds, becoming an absolute legend - dropping his shoulder into a streaker - sending the prick flying!

Crucial moments

Tomorrow is probably the defining moment of Hillary Clinton's career - if she survives I think there is a good chance she will win the nomination - if not, well that's probably that.

But I was thinking that maybe we're fast approaching a similar point here. For some time I've maintained that if Labour can't consistently stay above 35 per cent support, its in trouble. Basically if Labour polls below 35 - it has no show, and if there are a run of such polls, it may be an indication that voters have hung up on the government - ala 1990 and 1999. If that's the case, and voters have switched off, then we could be looking at a repeat of 2002. That time voters switched off National, who blew out to only 21 per cent support, and looked for a partner for Labour that wasn't the Greens.

I'm not sure we're at such a crucial point quite yet, I think Labour still has cards to play, but we aren't far from that point and I only hope people are still listening when those cards are finally played.

More from Mr Kay

This cracked me up

There she was just a walkin down the street
Singing doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy do

Snapping her fingers and shuffling her feet
Singing doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy do

She looked Good, she looked fine

HOW? How did she look good? She were shuffling along clicking her fingers. How does that look good? How does that get you going? Load of bollocks.

Just visualise someone shuffling and clicking - he's right you'd look a right tard.

Peter Kay

I picked up a copy of one of Peter Kay's DVDs on my way through the airport tonight.

This clip is from the show - its about crime, from about halfway through he does a pisstake of a crime watch reenactment - sooo funny! Frank the shop assistant is just classic.



I loved this too - its my joke of the week
Q. How do you kill a clown?
A. Go for the jugular - it's qucikest

Matrix/Shaolin Table Tennis

This was on Nightline tonight - very funny

Poo nirvana

I didn't mention just how average our work toilets were when I talked about the 'other' bin. They clearly haven't had a lot done to them (other than the installation of redundant bins obviously) since the building was opened sometime in the mid or late 70s.

But what was worse was that I was under the impression that there wasn't a gents on our floor - and walked down two flights of stairs every time I wanted a waz. Turns out I was misled by our team PA.

Not only do we have a gents on our floor, but it's comparatively like some sort of nirvana. It's clean, the doors on the stalls actually stay shut, there's a shower, two ply paper, no 'other' bin and to top it off - Dove soap.

Although I'm fairly sure that I was once told that Dove test on animals - but hey I'm sure the track record of who ever the industrial chemical provider is on the floors below isn't that crash hot!

Finally

Well as you have probably noticed that, for various reasons, I haven't blogged for sometime. But I could not let the Oscars go by without comment, especially the Oscars that finally recognised my favourtite film makers.

This is probably the first time that the Oscars have actually reflected my opinions! No Country for Old Men is an incredible film - it's something like a mix between three Coen masterpieces - Millers Crossing, Blood Simple and Barton Fink.

It absolutely deserved recognition - as did Joel and Ethan Coen both for their direction and their typically stunning script.

The top gongs went as follows (bold ones are where Ive seen it and where its my pick)
Best Picture - No Country for Old Men
Best Director(s) - Joel and Ethan Coen (No Country for Old Men)
Best Actor - Daniel Day Lewis (There Will be Blood)
Best Actress - Marion Cotillard (La Vie En Rose)
Best Original Screenplay - Diablo Cody (Juno)
Best Adapted Screenplay - Joel and Ethan Coen (No Country for Old Men)
Best Supporting Actress - Tilda Swinton (Michael Clayton)
Best Supporting Actor - Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men)

What a great year for film huh?

Ok so maybe not Huckabee

Ah you have to love the futility of making projections don't you?

With Mitt Romney pulling out over night, McCain pretty much becomes the Republican nominee. However, an article I read in The New Republic suggests Huckabee might have an opponent to be McCain's running mate. Governor Charlie Crist of Florida got in behind McCain three days out from the Florida primary and turned an 11 point deficit into a 7 point lead.

McCain of course built on the momentum gained from Florida and is now effectively the candidate. So I guess we shouldn't be surprised if this favour is returned!

And who could argue with that anyway? Florida is a key state, and Crist was able to deliver it for McCain once, so chances are his name on the ticket wouldn't hurt.

Super Duper Waitangi Day

With some great timing this year - I managed to watch most of the coverage of Super Duper Tuesday as it just so happened to fall on Waitangi Day!

So what can we take out of it? Well initially it looked like a better night for Clinton than Obama (if only slightly) but actually in the cold light of the day after the night before it was actually slightly advantage-Obama. Not only did he win more States (14 out of the 22 on offer) he actually also picked up slightly more delegates (most Dem contests are proportional. Essentially first candidate to get to 2025 delegates will be the Democratic candidate (theyre both around the 800 mark.

On top of this, it has been revealed today that Hillary has had to stump up US5 million of her own money to keep her campaign going. Now you might think so what? But when you consider that in the last 24 hours Obama has raised US3million through his internet campaigning - its easy to see who really has momentum. In the last quarter Obama raised over 30 million, compared to 13 million by the Clinton campaign. Of course most of Obama's donations have come in the form of small amounts - millions of times over, where as Clinton has gathered from far fewer sources (including lobby groups) and with their caps on donations already maxed out - there is a question over where the money will come from now.

On the Republican side, McCain, while not quite home and hosed, he is now unquestionably in pole-position and Romney would pretty well need to win everything from here. I expect McCain will wrap it up in the next couple of weeks and I expect fellow nominee Mike Huckabee (who nicely spoiled Romney's party by winning a handful of states and splitting the conservative vote n other areas to give the win to McCain) to end up as McCain's running mate.

A McCain administration would be great news for New Zealand - he has a soft spot for us, and has been here a number of times. He's probably our best chance of an FTA with the US.

So one is neck and neck and the other is almost in the bag. For my mind, if McCain does pull it off, then Obama would be a better choice. It will be a real contrast of old Washington vs the new vibrant blood of Obama.

So my pick - McCain/Huckabee vs Obama/Bill Richardson (New Mexico Governor of Latino descent - Obama is weak amongst Latino voters).

Juno not Juneau

I just got back from watching new indie sleeper hit - Juno. It's the story of Juno MacGuff (Ellen Page - Hard Candy) a teenage girl that's up the proverbial duff to her boyfriend, Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera - Arrested Development/Superbad). As the title character Juno, Page is just hilarious - her delivery is fantastic and you can't help but love her offbeat style.

Affleck's squeeze - Jennifer Garner also puts in a decent turn with the always funny Jason Bateman as the childless couple that Juno is going to adopt her child out to.

At first I did wonder if the film had something of an agenda with its overly negative portrayal of an abortion clinic, but then it became obvious that like director, Jason Reitman's, previous effort, the excellent Thank You for Smoking, the film maker is taking the piss out of both sides.

The film is kind of like this year's Little Miss Sunshine or Sideways (although that was over-rated - if they were women it would have been dismissed as a chick flick) and I wouldnt be surprised if the writer, Diablo Cody, picked up the best original screenplay Oscar. Also there is a very good interview with Cody in the latest Aussie Empire - this is her first effort writing, and she wrote it while working as a stripper.

Also after growing up listening to early 90s grunge, I had a particular soft spot for the music. Belle and Sebastian popperd up a few times too. There's a great line where after listening to Sonic Youth on the recommendation of Bateman's character, Juno says "Oh I listened to more Sonic Youth. It sucks, it's just noise!" lol touche indeed. Although out of a crowd of 50 or so middle aged people and a few teenagers, I was the only one who laughed at the reference.

Anyway, if you got into Little Miss Sunshine, I think you will love this.

Question

Is new Black Cap, Jessie Ryder actually Craig McMillan 2.0?

And if he is - lets hope he's less hit and miss than the first one was.

UPDATE: Given the result last night and the lame way Ryder got himself out, I think the answer is YES HE IS.

What's 'other'?

Many of you will be aware of my odd fascination with the conveniences at work (like monitoring people going in and out at one to find out who the repeat skid offender was).

But there is something completely new I've discovered at my new work. There is a large rubbish bin adjacent to the paper towel dispenser that has "general" on it, but its the small wastepaper size bin right next to it that confused me. It was labelled "other rubbish".

WTF? Other?

I think im going to turn it into a compost bin...

At least it was eventful

I've had an odd couple of days. Firstly i started a new job, which is all very exciting - and my plan is to bus to work, but I thought for my first day I would drive so I get there all relaxed etc...

I knew my car was low on gas, but since the light had only just come on - I would be alright. However, I hadn't taken the angle of the road into account - and basically what petrol there was, was all down one end and in short the car wouldn't start. So I abandoned that plan and decided to take the bus... which I promptly missed. So anyway I decided it was best to head down to Willis St as there would be more options rather than waiting 25 minutes for the next one. The next two buses that passed the Willis St stop didn't stop as they were full... as you can imagine panic was beginning to creep in with irrational visions of not getting there on my first day till 10am. But no it worked out ok in the end. Although this morning I did have to embarrassingly call the State Roadside Rescue guys (for the first time) to come and give me 5 litres of petrol.

Last night though I went to the sevens first day. On my last day at my old job, after giving the boss stick about the Australian cricket team, I was given a Wallaby jersey. So since I was going with an Aussie (and three loud poms) I decided to wear the jersey, late in the evening I also kicked off a rendition of Waltzing Matilda - it was very odd, but we did manage to rark up some of the crowd.

One of the funniest moments was when one of the loud and predictably drunk (and married) brits tried to cop a feel of a woman in front - so lame and embarrassing - we were all almost in tears with laughter. The other high point was when we made one of the welsh players, who was doing an after match interview just in front of us (we were in the third row), smirk and turn around, when we started chanting "You're just a small town in England, small town in England". In conversation it also came up that one of the brits supported Derby County (who are currently bottom or second to bottom in the English Football premier league) so when the struggling English side were warming up in front of us, we started chanting "Are you Derby in disguise? Are you Derby in disguise?" which suitably wound him up - "We're going to avoid relegation..." lol yeah right.

So all in all, its been an eventful 24 hours.

Ukulele Vids

For your viewing pleasure, The Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra performing Hey Ya and the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain doing Smells Like Teen Spirit...